Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Narrative

I breathe brazenly

by whatchamacallit

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
86 Reviews

Points: 11266
Reviews: 86

Mon May 10, 2021 11:06 pm
View Likes
hannah0528 wrote a review...

Hi whatchamacallit! hannah here for a quick review. I hope it is helpful!

Ooh wow, this was so fun to read! I don't even know what to say, it was descriptive, metaphoric and overall wonderful.
My favorite lines were probably these:

"the ants tiptoe around my / toes.
usually my leg bounces / with unspent anxiety, but now / it is still, like a confident pebble / laying where all can see it / on the warm gravel path."

It just gave me such a picturesque scene in my head.

One thing is this line:

"the ants tiptoe around my / toes."
I feel like the suffix/word "toe" was a bit repetitive, unless it was supposed to be that way.

Thanks so much for writing this! I hope this review was helpful, that you keep writing and have a great day!



User avatar
147 Reviews

Points: 8595
Reviews: 147

Sat May 08, 2021 2:11 am
View Likes
Liminality says...

Loving your love for prose poetry recently! And the last two lines are ~chef's kiss~ <3

aww thank you Lim <3

aww thank you Lim <3

User avatar
1041 Reviews

Points: 137992
Reviews: 1041

Fri May 07, 2021 10:12 pm
View Likes
alliyah wrote a review...

there is a skill in knowing what to chase / and when to exchange smirks from a distance

AHHH you can read into that so many different ways - love it. There's this whole carefree, wise but also learning & vulnerably learning emotion to this whole piece.

ants crawling by, hesitant like I am / some goddess, and I let them / for I am my own goddess.

Ooooh! This is a powerful image and statement! And I like the play between existing with and apart from the world without trying to act against it - the themes seems to go with the "knowing what to chase" sentiment - that there's a certain power in just allowing and not needing to act against nature or move out of its way.

If I really wanted to read into this I'd also say that the way the speaker is relating to nature - by being its "goddess" in a non dominating but experiential way, that also continually personifies nature, also feels reminiscent of some ecofeminism philosophy as well.

You had beautiful and surprising imagery throughout! The form felt very care-free, like the speaker scribbled it out in a wave of thought - I'm not sure about portraying the line breaks in a paragraph poem, but in a way that did make it feel more poetic - so I'm a little conflicted on whether I enjoyed that formatting move. ;)

Overall a beautiful powerful and thoughtful piece that made me smile!

Thank you for the review alliyah! <3 I was kinda torn over the formatting too honestly - I did it like this because I had written the poem in a really small little notebook, like one of those ones that can fit in your palm, so I didn't really choose where the line breaks went? it was more of just where the line broke at the end of the page, and I liked that effect but wasn't sure how to convey it in a digital version. So this was my attempt at that haha xD

The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.
— Amelia Earhart