Young Writers Society

The beginning of this poem honestly pulled me right in. I think the structure was very unique and it definitely hooked me more. I love the symbolism and metaphors sprinkled throughout. Overall it was very artistic and I loved how you expressed feelings through the rhyme scheme. Many lines in this definitely hit home for me. I liked the wildfire imagery and wish that idea was brought and explored more. Good job!!

This was absolutely witty and hilarious in the best way! The very first line hooked me and I couldn't stop reading! You made the poem very unique in structure, like a free verse, and handled the theme using all these metaphors with poetic vocabulary from "iambic" to dactyl. You clearly know how to utilize rhythm, a skill that many poets struggle with, (especially myself), so I applaud you for how distinct and consistent your rhythm is and how it plays off of the words. There is only one thing that irks me, the consistent use of -ing verbs. I think in some places it's fine, but when you choose to have a rhythm like this, the -ing crumples the lines a bit which make it feel wordy when it isn't. So something to maybe keep an eye out for if you so choose to revise it.

The imagery using the fire and gasoline words were quite clever when describing the frustration of the speaker. However, the words glaring, complaining, and spending kind of take away from it. Maybe try to replace those words with something more harsh and direct sounding to place emphasis on the fire imagery and frustration.

The ideas you are trying to project are very relatable, since I myself am a free verse poet. I thought it was very clever and witty, and I would love to see it be recited one day.

Keep writing! Nice job!

Awesome! I love how this piece is symbolic and interactive. You seamlessly translate your life into poetry terms and express your feelings through the rhyme scheme. Your title and topic are interactive because it gets me the reader to pay attention then to the rhyme scheme and rhythm. Which I must say are very artistic and I love how you wrote it! Good job!

I really love the introduction of this poem. It pulls me in from the very first line -- I have subconsciously thought of myself this way, but never phrased it as such, so I'm immediately invested in reading the rest, to see if the poem has any revelations for me.

One thing that bumps me out of focus on the poem is the repetition of "-ing" verbs. I think it is because it makes me start over the phrase I have been imagining every time, because each new verb seems to demand a new image. If you attached the verbs to the imagery, such as "imperfect box can hold the other,/ crumpled into confetti cardboard", I might be able to stay with the flow of what you're building more easily.

Toward the middle, the words "glaring" and "complaining" feel too simple to fit with the gorgeous image you are trying to build there. Fire is so fickle and those who play with it rarely would not know how to control it from roaring furnace to embers and between -- how to cultivate the perfect flame. I love this notion, but the verbs here take me out of the flow, too.

I think a better exploration of the wildfire image is needed. It is thrown into a line without much thought, but I think it has more to show you.

The idea of uncountable is beautiful, but I think it could flow more subtly into the idea of ranking at the end.

I would be very much interested in seeing a second version of this poem as well!

I hope some of these thoughts are helpful to you on this sus review day.
Feel free to message me if you have any questions.

Hannah

Hello there, Incoming review!

So I see this is a poem about free verse and how your lack of being able to do them spills over into real life. I do not know if you intended for this but with each stanza comes a feeling or a want to have some sort of resolution in the form of rhyming. If you were going for this I would point out that in your second stanza you had a rhyme, Phrases and hazes. But I think it doesn't clash too much because as the poem suggests, free verse poems aren't exactly natural.

Another thing writing wise that I liked was your use of punctuation. You used the semi-colon, colons, parenthesis, commas, periods, and dashes. All of those lend for a more structured poem but this one is a poem about free verse poems which (in my experiences) are generally more free and devoid of punctuation. It lends the feeling that this is uncontrollable and you are struggling to let loose. One critique I have is in your first line.

i get mad at myself for not being a structured poem:

Spending too many hours
counting ticking seconds instead of living them.

i get mad at myself for ranking forms of poetry.