i am too tired for this thing called "feeling emotions" - or, beat this:
"processing how i feel". as if i were some sort of a machine
that places a meaningless sensation onto a conveyor belt,
pointlessly observes every detail and dent while it passes through a metal cavern,
and deposits it into a box that is taped, stamped, and shipped away.
everything perfectly processed, except what actually happens
is: the conveyor belt is broken so the parcels all just collect
in an unbalanced pile at the mouth of the machine
while i huddle inside the metal cavern, watching the shadow grow
at the opening. i tell myself it's just a sunset and if i look out, i'll see the sky
on firework, brilliant and beautiful and breathtaking. (i don't look out. the sky is on firework.)
but i am not one to procrastinate, so the boxes keep getting taped, stamped, and shipped away
and i tell myself that empty boxes take less fuel to ship.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
On firework is a dangerous method I've realized. It pretty much works because a TV turns on but the sky is like a tv? So, what would make more sense? Maybe with? The sky has fireworks too.
Saying on fireworks just sounds like it replaces the word we don't have. ILLUMINATED. Yes.
This needs another side to it.
The boxes aren't totally grasped as something personal and I don't appreciate the poem enough.
Hi! I really enjoyed this poem and I found it to be very relatable.
I think the use of 'boxes' in this poem was rather creative, especially with the last line.
I absolutely love the idea of poems with longer lines, since I feel like many poems (mostly on this website) have a very minimalistic and short-line situation going on.
The use of punctuation throughout the poem was interesting as well, since there is a real variety seen throughout.
Great job! Thanks for sharing with us
Thank you for the review, fleural! I often find myself ending up with very short-lined poems, sometimes to the point where it feels way too disconnected, so I like to play around with different lengths when I can. I'm glad you liked the affect of that in this poem ^^
CHAWHAT YOU POSTED ANOTHER POEM MOMENTS AFTER I WAS ADMIRING YOUR PORTFOLIO OMG IM SO HAPPY HIIIIIII 😭❤️❤️❤️
aww omg rats :')
Yes,this poem could be relatable.We don’t want to spend our time thinking about our feelings,we don’t have time for ourselves.Why is that? Because we’re so focused on getting stuff done,we forget to think about ourselves.We dismiss the idea of thinking about our feelings.It happens to everyone.I enjoyed this poem.I hope you have a lovely and awesome day/night.
Hi vampricone, thank you for the review - I'm glad you enjoyed it! Is there anything in particular you found effective or thought could be improved on in the poem?
Hmm%u2026well.. not really.