In November I won front row One Direction concert tickets from M Magazine. I was so excited. The concert was amazing. It seemed like Harry and I kept making eye contact, but there were so many people in the crowd I couldn’t be sure. When they were singing "Little Things," Harry's favorite song from their second album, he reached down and grabbed my hand and smiled as he sang a few lines to me.
During intermission, a security guard gave my mom and I backstage passes and said he'd come back for us after the concert.
After the concert, the security guard came back for us, as promised. He took us to the boys who greeted us with hugs and kisses.
"Did you enjoy the concert, babe?" Harry asked me.
"Absolutely! You guys were great!" I gushed.
"I heard you were dating Taylor Swift," I said to Harry at one point.
"Nah, we're just good friends," he said. "How long are you staying in New York, love?"
"We're here the whole week," I told him.
We didn't leave until midnight. Before we left, Harry asked me to have lunch with him the next day. The date went amazing. We spent time with each other every day that week.
Before my mom and I went back home, Harry and I exchanged numbers. We knew we had something special. Continents would separate us, but we would make it work.
Today is Valentine's Day and Harry has to be in London. I'm sad we can't spend today together, but I understand. I send him a text saying "Happy Valentine's Day! I love and miss you! <3"
He must be busy because he doesn't reply which bums me out even more. I put on "Truly, Madly, Deeply," my favorite song. At least I can hear his voice. Halfway through, someone knocks on the door. I race to get it, not bothering to turn off the song.
"Harry!" I exclaim, throwing the door open. His arms are open and he's holding flowers in one hand and a teddy bear in the other. I jump into his arms and he kisses my head. "What are you doing here?!" I ask him, not leaving his embrace.
"I told you I had to be in London so I could surprise you. I like your choice in music, by the way," he tells me in his cute British accent. He sings me a few lines and then kisses me.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hey Butterfly! ^_^
Also, add in what MC likes in Harry-looks, style, voice, etc.-apart from the fact that he's a One-Directioner.
I'm here to review. Hope I'm helpful.
I haven't really read much of FanFics before, so thanks for my first read. That being said, I'm not entirely sure what to expect. But since it's a romantic piece which you had to write, I think One Direction was a good choice since they're the new global heart throbs.
On the whole, the concept was romantic as much as it was a bit out of reality. You've got to work on characterization. Show more of their conversations maybe? If you don't have a word limit, and if you could stretch your piece, it would be a good idea to add few things-to make it interesting, a bit unique and more romantic.
So, for example, the kiss. You could add in more drama. Because for me, romance has to be a bit dramatic so as to appeal to the audience. Your 'he kisses me' wasn't that effective, to be honest.
Plus, your language was very plain. If you're entering this for a competition, you need to throw in some imagery, emotions, descriptions, etc. Don't overload your piece with them, but make this interesting. Right now, it's a pretty plain piece-sort of dry? You need to add some spice to it.
Besides that, when you're talking of Harry in the beginning, you could surely add in more about the other boys in the group. Also, how Harry looked at her in the crowd-something romantic, perhaps?
So, seriously this story needs a bit of work-writing wise and plot wise. It didn't make my heart pound with emotions, so to say. I'd like you to maybe read more of romantic short stories to get an idea how you could improvise?
Good luck! Ask me if you need help.
~Mia
I'm happy to be your first!
I know it could use more detail but it does indeed have a word limit. Thanks for your review 
I'm happy to be your first!
I know it could use more detail but it does indeed have a word limit. Thanks for your review 
I liked it. It made me feel like I was the one falling in love. And I love how unncertain it seems in the beginning with "but there were so many people in the crowd I couldn't be sure" to the absolute sweetest ending.
Thank you!
Whoa, this is cute,..
It made me laugh and smile while reading,..
Like it,..
=)
Thank you!
=)
OK, I liked this, it was really romantic, i swear i could feel butterflies in my stomach when I read this. Really good.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it! I'm glad you felt that way, that's exactly the kind of feelings I want people to have when they read it
This is a pretty bad Harry Potter fanfic. Since when is Harry a pop star? I liked him in the Rowling books better.
Are you dumb or something? This is about Harry Styles from One Direction, idiot.
Yeah, Harry STYLES not Harry POTTER, you should look him up. He has an amazing voice and he's cute as anything
Calling someone dumb and an idiot because they didn't know some popstar or another is pretty... dumb and idiotic.
uh
is there a plot here somewhere
It's just a little fanfic that I've entered in a contest...