Don't Go

Right off the bat I love the repetition. Why?
Repetition is catchy,
Repetition is catchy,
Repetition is catchy, lol
Anyways, I love how the presentings are opposites to the receivings. And I don't know why but I love your style, I pray you keep writing because people need a point of view like yours to look in a different way. Honestly, it's among the best things I've read all day, if you just threw it together then you have amazing luck, lol and I also love the rhyme scheme. I can barely rhyme except on a really good day haha, keep writing.

Right off the bat I love the repetition. Why?
Repetition is catchy,
Repetition is catchy,
Repetition is catchy, lol
Anyways, I love how the presentings are opposites to the receivings. And I don't know why but I love your style, I pray you keep writing because people need a point of view like yours to look in a different way. Honestly, it's among the best things I've read all day, if you just threw it together then you have amazing luck, lol and I also love the rhyme scheme. I can barely rhyme except on a really good day haha, keep writing.

Hello unmarkedterritory,

Firstly may I say that this was a really good poem that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. It is fairly obvious the message you are trying to get across to the reader because you haven't written it in a cryptic way. For me, it was the simplicity of this poem that makes it pleasing for the reader and the obvious message ensured that it could appeal to almost anyone. This can be related to because the feelings you've described have probably been felt by most people at some point which is part of the appeal that this would have to a wide range of people, which is a powerful talent to possess as a poet, when it is hard to write a poem that a wide range of people enjoy.

"Presented with insults
Receive stability
Presented with anger
Receive familiarity
Presented with abandoned
Receive settlement
Presented with disaster
Receive enjoyment"

This introduction to the poem is a definite reveal of the feelings of the poet. The narrator is clearly an optimist and can turn any situation or exchange into something positive for them. The only niggle I have is with the wording in the fifth line. What you've written makes no sense because it is impossible to be presented with abandoned, you could try abandonment instead, so that this makes sense. Also I'm not sure about whether settlement and enjoyment rhyme properly and since this was what you were going for I suggest maybe fiddling around with those couplets, otherwise having the rhyme simply disrupts the flow.

"Presented with a bottle
Receive an escape
Presented with ciaos
Receive a dreamscape
Presented with pain
Receive a sickening love
Presented with unmanageability
Receive an unfriendly shove"

This stanza left me hooked. The narrator, who originally seemed optimistic seems to feels more negative about all of the pain and cruelness being directed at them. This leaves you interested because it makes you wonder how the narrator will deal with their problems and whether the conclusion will be positive or negative for the narrator. There were a few little errors in this though. Firstly in the third line, you said "ciaos" but I'm assuming that you meant "chaos", you might want to fix that up. Next, in the fourth line you used "dreamscape", it's very pretty and provokes imagery but it is also, unfortunately, not a word. Try inserting a dash or something between "dream" and "scape" so that the reader knows it is not an actual word but you still have the benefit of including it. Finally "unmanageability", sorry, also not a word, my suggestion would be to use another would there instead.

"Presented with opportunity
Receive doubt
Presented with promise
Receive an emotional drought
Presented with compliments
Receive insecurity
Presented with admiration
Receive obscurity"

This is probably my favourite stanza, it is easily the most realistic out of the whole poem. It also has a great rhyming theme and the word choice is fantastic. I have no criticism for this part, it's really good.

"Present me with what I know
Then I will remain in my twisted comfort zone
Present me with what you see
Then I will cry from this abnormality

Cruelty, please don’t go"

This is a really interesting conclusion to your poem and it's an interesting twist. I like how it relates back to the beginning and it's a definite reveal of the narrators feelings. I'm especially fond of the last line. If I had any suggestion for this part, it would probably be to work on the flow in the last part, the flow is a little awkward in some places, but it isn't too noticeable, so if you like it that way, just leave it the same...

Overall, very good job. I enjoyed your writing and I look forward to seeing more from you! I really hope my review wasn't too harsh, because this was a really fantastic poem!

From EnchantedPanda <3

Hello unmarkedterritory,

Firstly may I say that this was a really good poem that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. It is fairly obvious the message you are trying to get across to the reader because you haven't written it in a cryptic way. For me, it was the simplicity of this poem that makes it pleasing for the reader and the obvious message ensured that it could appeal to almost anyone. This can be related to because the feelings you've described have probably been felt by most people at some point which is part of the appeal that this would have to a wide range of people, which is a powerful talent to possess as a poet, when it is hard to write a poem that a wide range of people enjoy.

"Presented with insults
Receive stability
Presented with anger
Receive familiarity
Presented with abandoned
Receive settlement
Presented with disaster
Receive enjoyment"

This introduction to the poem is a definite reveal of the feelings of the poet. The narrator is clearly an optimist and can turn any situation or exchange into something positive for them. The only niggle I have is with the wording in the fifth line. What you've written makes no sense because it is impossible to be presented with abandoned, you could try abandonment instead, so that this makes sense. Also I'm not sure about whether settlement and enjoyment rhyme properly and since this was what you were going for I suggest maybe fiddling around with those couplets, otherwise having the rhyme simply disrupts the flow.

"Presented with a bottle
Receive an escape
Presented with ciaos
Receive a dreamscape
Presented with pain
Receive a sickening love
Presented with unmanageability
Receive an unfriendly shove"

This stanza left me hooked. The narrator, who originally seemed optimistic seems to feels more negative about all of the pain and cruelness being directed at them. This leaves you interested because it makes you wonder how the narrator will deal with their problems and whether the conclusion will be positive or negative for the narrator. There were a few little errors in this though. Firstly in the third line, you said "ciaos" but I'm assuming that you meant "chaos", you might want to fix that up. Next, in the fourth line you used "dreamscape", it's very pretty and provokes imagery but it is also, unfortunately, not a word. Try inserting a dash or something between "dream" and "scape" so that the reader knows it is not an actual word but you still have the benefit of including it. Finally "unmanageability", sorry, also not a word, my suggestion would be to use another would there instead.

"Presented with opportunity
Receive doubt
Presented with promise
Receive an emotional drought
Presented with compliments
Receive insecurity
Presented with admiration
Receive obscurity"

This is probably my favourite stanza, it is easily the most realistic out of the whole poem. It also has a great rhyming theme and the word choice is fantastic. I have no criticism for this part, it's really good.

"Present me with what I know
Then I will remain in my twisted comfort zone
Present me with what you see
Then I will cry from this abnormality

Cruelty, please don’t go"

This is a really interesting conclusion to your poem and it's an interesting twist. I like how it relates back to the beginning and it's a definite reveal of the narrators feelings. I'm especially fond of the last line. If I had any suggestion for this part, it would probably be to work on the flow in the last part, the flow is a little awkward in some places, but it isn't too noticeable, so if you like it that way, just leave it the same...

Overall, very good job. I enjoyed your writing and I look forward to seeing more from you! I really hope my review wasn't too harsh, because this was a really fantastic poem!

From EnchantedPanda <3

Hai there unmarkedterritory.

I have to say, I found this absolutely stunning. Its a real understanding of life. Your style is great and you portrayed emotion really well. I enjoyed this so much, I'd love to read more of your work. I honestly don't have anything bad to say about this, I think it's simply perfect. Amazing job! Keep writing.

~Cat

Hey there! I'll be reviewing this, duh statement.

Anyways, I really like this poem, I can understand the emotion you are trying to send to your reader. I love it, I think you are an amazing poet. Your style is great, you have something that draws the reader in as well as keeps them reading! Love it! I can't wait to read some more, if you post more. Would you mind giving me a shout out on my wall? If so I would really appreciate it! Thank you so much for your time, have a great day.

~Whitewolfpuppy :3

Aw... Hi there, unmarkedterritory.

This is amazing. I must say, I enjoyed it real bad. xD This is one thought provoker poem, and I love that. It just... It's like the proof that things change, and nothing ever remains the same; both, the good and the bad, will switch papers. And when you think about it, that is what makes life beautiful. I can't say I didn't like something in this poem, because I think it is perfect. And then like a cherry on top, the last stanza and last line are an explanation of what a human is. It's simply perfect. 10/10! Great job.

~Solly