Paint me a set of lips
Full and plump with passion
Smooth as silk when I speak
And as I speak
I know I will be heard
Paint me a set of lashes
As long as the eye can see
Thick with a slight curl at the tip
And as I bat them
All the boys will drool
Paint me a set of eyes
A crisp blue like the endless sky
Emoting perfection in every way
And as I look
No one can look away
What power lies in this mask?
How much power will you give it?
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140,735 Literary Works • 673,684 Reviews
Hey, dogs here. Well i really like this piece unmarked. The topic is a little cliche and you took that overused topic and made it into something new which is great. You used great imagery that really paints a great picture in the readers head. But real quick, my only big nit pick i have is on this line:
"And as i bat them
all the boys will drool"
Um, ummmmm, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. i dont like this line. at all, unless you were trying to make the reader very uncomfortable by this line and a little "grossed out" to say the least. First of all, um ew. Second of all i don't know anyone who "bats their eye lashes" and i don't think some boys will drool over a pair of eyelashes. I might be a little bias over this because i personally don't find long eyelashes attractive at all, but if you like this line keep it.
Other then that i really like this poem. Keep up the good work!!!!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Hey there, Unmarked!
I like this poem a lot for the great use of imagery and the entire conception about this. I'm not one for giving much critique, but as far as being technical, I don't think I would change anything
You are talented in your depictions and it shows in your writing! Keep the ink flowing and I'm hoping to read more from you.
Murtuza