Tears rolled down my cheeks, splattering on the pristine white of the hospital’s sheets. One of them rolled onto my tongue. Saltier and bitterer than the waters of the Dead Sea. I gripped the edge of my blanket in a rising crescendo of anguish. My pathetic skeletal hands couldn’t even stop shaking, and I winced as the IV drip dug deeper into my forearm. I never knew dying would hurt this much.
No, it wasn’t dying.
It was never having lived in the first place.
I bowed my head and prayed with every last ounce of strength, ignoring the strain on my fossil of a body: please, whoever is up there, please; please let me change how I live again…
Where was I?
The sky was a mellow blend of indigo and violet that seemed to hug me with a familiar warmth; yet it felt coldly vast, stretching out into infinity. I felt a striking sense of loneliness, yet at the same time the eyes of dozens boring into the back of my skull. Falling stars peppered the horizon with their twinkling sparkle, leaving behind radiant trails like careless strokes of a paintbrush. They were at different heights, shining different lights, with varying trails of brightness and colour.
Follow the stars, and find me.
I shook my head confused, walking in the direction the stars were falling.
What was this strange place?
A dark silhouette broke the blue and white canvas.
“It’s you.”
A familiar voice rang out. It bothered me a lot, I definitely heard it many times before but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
“Who are you?”
“Oh, I’ve met you before, but you’ve never seen me.”
How was that even remotely possible?
“Where am I?”
“Everywhere. And nowhere. We are in an intersection of time itself, a place outside of the past, present and the future. It is only in a place like this that you would be able to meet me.”
“Just who are you?”
The silhouette turned around.
Two pairs of identical eyes stared into each other.
That was the only thing that was similar about us. His back had been crushed by time’s relentless beatings, curved into a shy crescent, all pride and vigour having been hammered out of that weary stature. His skin looked worn and loose, like a pair of jeans that had been washed so many times it no longer fit right; hanging off whatever little muscle he still had, almost like a canvas draped over a skeleton. Lonely, segregated streaks of grey clung desperately to his head; beneath, his gaunt features betrayed a sense of tiredness of a man who had not slept for years.
His back stood tall and proud, towering and steadfast as the peaks of Everest, capable of withstanding tsunamis and thunderstorms. His clear, firm skin clung tight to his impressive musculature, like a newly tailored suit of the finest quality, made to fit. Luscious black locks flowed around his head; beneath, those sharp features spoke of the excitement and passion of a boy who had not yet been beaten down by life, who had everything to live for and nothing to fear.
I was him. But I hope he will never be me.
“You’re… you’re…”
His appearance couldn’t have more starkly juxtaposed mine, but yet..
When I peered into those irises, what I looked back was something that I had seen a thousand times, in a mirror’s reflection. The way the air settled around him; the way his left fingers nervously drummed on his thigh; no, it couldn’t be, it was…
“Yes.”
“Yes, I’m you, from the future.” He said with a resigned sigh, sinking into the ground.
Surprisingly, the initial shock wasn’t over meeting my future self; it was the fact that I would one day look like him. I couldn’t ever envision myself turning into a sad, mouldy pile of bones, even though logic told me otherwise.
“How does it feel being old?” I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. I covered my mouth in embarrassment, that felt oddly disrespectful.
“It's horrible. It's not how you imagine it would be. You wake up hungover every morning, your bones are made of glass, your mind made of mush and your will of cotton.You wish you knew when the good old days were before they were over,” he replied in a melancholy manner.
“Then, why would you want to meet me?”
Before I could react, the landscape around us shifted.
We were standing back at my house, seeing a slightly older version of me, arguing animatedly with my parents. I saw myself stomp angrily into my room, and stare, teary-eyed at the list of dreams I wrote on a piece of paper stuck to my wall.
Well, careers and dreams can both be fulfilled, right?
The scenes started changing faster now, blending into a blur. I was in a prestigious university overseas, attending lectures, studying numbers, doing courses. Exciting. Overwhelming. My list was brought with me, but now it sat under my cupboard, away from the prying eyes of my roommates. And from my own memory. I often tried to make time for what I wanted to do. It ended in scrapped, half-finished plans.
Soon I was being offered prestigious jobs, working important positions at huge corporations. Flashy cars. A bigger house. New promotions. More money. More status.
My list of dreams sat in the dusty corner of my luggage. One day I found it. It was scrunched into a ball and thrown into the trash. Naive ink scratches on an old piece of paper. Forgotten relics of a fever dream.
My new job consumed everything; more, more, more. Soon there were two children, with no time for either. Sometimes, my mind would wander back to that sheet of paper. The never-ending stack of work quickly snapped my mind back to cold reality.
The wheel of time spun and spun. The sleepless nights, endless caffeine, stress, negligence, started to relentlessly beat away at my weathered body. I was forced to retire when I thought I had everything.
The scenes disappeared, leaving only the old me standing in front of me.
“That was when I realised. I had nothing.”
He pointed up to the stars above.
“Each of those stars represents a human life. One day, they all fall. When they do it would’ve been no different than if they had never existed in the first place. Except for the trail they leave behind.”
He pointed to a grey star that was lower than all the others, about to reach the ground soon. Behind its melancholy sparkle, there was no trail.
“Some stars shine bright as they fall. Others blaze a burning path for the rest to follow. They leave something behind that has meaning, that has life. Look at my star. Look how it's about to crash. Look how it has no trail, how it's so dim you could miss it. In blindness, sometimes what you chase for is the ground.”
He pointed far into the distance.
“Now look at your star. It's so far up you can barely see it. It still has so long before it hits the ground. Will it shine bright? Will it leave a colourful streak? No one knows. It is uncertain. But uncertainty is the only place where hope may be found.”
I looked around in awe. At the galaxy of stars. At the sheer amount of space, of time.
“That is the power of youth that lies inside of you. The gift that all of us once had. Hope, choice, potential. A chance.”
“Please. Don’t waste it. Don’t let others convince, persuade, beat you down. Shine the way you want, and leave a trail you won’t regret.”
“Please.”
Tears were streaming down his face now. The falling star was a few metres away from where he was standing.
“I promise,” I whispered.
A smile tugged off his lips. At that moment, he looked young again.
I had found peace at last.
The star collided with him on the ground. There was a flash of white.
I opened my eyes to the ceiling of my room.
I got a sheet of paper and a pen.
I thought to myself, what do I want in the future?
What are my dreams?
What do I want to do with my youth?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
This story is a poignant reflection on the passage of time and the choices we make in life. You vividly portray the protagonist's sense of regret and longing as they encounter their older self from the future. The use of descriptive language and emotional imagery effectively conveys the protagonist's feelings of fear, uncertainty, and a desire to change their course in life. This a coming-of-age emotional journey that many can relate to!
The first sentence sets the stage for a thought-provoking narrative, and the time-shifting element adds depth to the storytelling. Your writing skillfully creates a sense of mystery and curiosity, leaving me eager to uncover the protagonist's journey and the significance of meeting with their future self.
Overall, this successfully captures the struggle between present decisions and future consequences, while encouraging readers to reflect on their aspirations and the importance of making choices that align with their dreams and passions. It beautifully conveys the idea of cherishing one's youth, embracing hope, and leaving behind a meaningful legacy. Well done!
Hello! Dropped by to leave a quick review.
I really enjoyed reading this story. I once wrote a story that also touched on several philosophies in life. And I have to say, yours was beautifully done. From the plot lines to the allegories to the vivid descriptions, they were all conducted together to form a harmonious symphony that resounds with the deepest depths of our souls, asking us a question. What do we want to do with our youth?
I'll be touching on some of my favorite parts of the story.
This line is a subtle foreshadowing of the theme of the entire story. But with your emphasis on death, I thought it would talk about otherwise. It is a good opening to the story, helping the readers know what to expect without divulging too much.
This makes me think. What do I want future me to be like? Whatever I do now affects future me so I need to take care.
HAHAHA I'm surprised you were able to insert humor. Of all the genres, I struggle the most with comedic lines and things. With such a serious and introspective piece, I applaud your use of humor to lighten things up.
I love allegories and this is a great example of one. And that last line, "In blindness, sometimes what you chase for is the ground." Poignant and well said. We need to make sure that our beliefs, the things we advocate for, the things we invest our time in, they are worthwhile. If not, we are aiming for the ground.
Wow, this makes me think. We don't know how long we have so we need to make the most of our time to maximize our one life, changing as many lives as we can and leaving a legacy that is bright and blazing.
Overall, this is a beautiful story that makes one pause and reflect if they are maximizing their potential in life. I wish this had more reviews, likes, and views because it is simply wonderful.
This is alpacaboss, signing off.
Good time of day to you, dear Author.
I am very happy, excited even, to write this review with the deepest understanding I could possibly offer to you and your work. It's more than beautiful, I must say it goes way down to the bottom of basic human existential philosophy; when I say "basic", I by no means refer to "boring" - I'm talking about the primary principles, the fundamentals.
The flow of the main character's thoughts start off with an idea of death - it is, indeed, a very good start for such a story, because in death lies the key to life. It's quite natural for people to start thinking more about how they live once they find themselves on the verge of parting to another world. The whole work seems to be weaven with this thread: when does one refer to the tendencies of one's life and actions? Most probably, when one is about to die.
I definitely like the overall approach to the topic of re-evaluation of the meaning of life. It's introduced through an interesting metaphor of meeting "the future self" in a place that has no particular point in time or space. Resembled by both being lost and being finally found, the emotional spectre described in the work makes me think that the Author has had a similar experience, or at lest similar thoughts on the topic. The entire arch of regret, sorrow, fear and grief that the main character feels over the lost dreams, the lost opportunity - it feels like something very personal. When we get lost in the fast flow of life, we may often forget what life actually means to us. I guess many people can relate to this sort of situation, but only a few would give it a better thought, and I'm glad that the Author picked the idea for their work. Once all is lost, one has nothing left but to regret the past choices, and I personally know nothing worse than regret. Although sometimes people need a strong or even dangerous stimulus to give themselves a new purpose, a new motivation, but it's better this way than the way "the future" main character felt about his existence.
The idea of living to leave a trace behind is not new, but it hasn't lost its value over the centuries. People still dive into philosophical debates as of what makes a life worthy and what the difference is between life and bare existence.
The work contains a huge amount of epithets and metaphors that create a powerful atmosphere, that one of a cosmic space and borderless celestia. In some places, though, the usage of descriptive epithets felt a little bit overwhelming to me, for example the pieces where the main character and his future self are introduced, but I understand the reason behind it; something deep lies underneath those descriptions, and almost every word in such paragraphs are key to understaning what the characters are like.
To sum up, I will once again note that the Author did a great job showing a person who is lost and confused as of what his life actually means to him. The hidden part of his consciousness speaks to him from the point of view that can't leave him indifferent. To me, the mest thing about the work is the importance of its topic; although I may have a different opinion on it, I can see how deeply it flows within the heart of the Author.
Thank you for your work, please keep it up!
Thanks so much for your review I'm really glad you enjoyed it!