Cutting through dark brackish water
Fickle waves tilting us back and forth
Forever at mercy of tide and current
Once this bright and livid ship
Carried the dreams of a life to be
“I’m going overseas to work!”
“Don’t worry, Ma and Pa, I’ll earn lots of money, buy a big house in the village!”
Reality broke it clean in half
Leaving an empty soulless vessel
Drifitng aimlessly in ocean vastness
Hopping from port to port
Never staying longer than a day
Never setting anchor firm
Never feeling land’s warm embrace again
Cursed to sail the cold seas forever
The family’s faces
My hometown’s flavours
Fading away
Into a bland slate of grey
Please
When can we go home?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,027 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
In the pursuit of dreams, the narrator was put in peril. The narrator wanted to have a good life, but the world’s waves crushed them and pushed them so far off from course, the way back home even looks unreachable. All dreams of all time, disappeared into the darkness, into the nothingness. How will they come back, if ever?
I hope that you will have a fantastic and beautiful day and night.
Hi! This is a Orabella, here to review.
This is quite a depressing poem... but still interesting and well-written! I'm kinda bad at guessing messages behind things, so can I ask, why can't this person go back home? Like, what is stopping them? They seem to be going "from port to port". Are they lost or something? Are they dead?
I actually have a lot more questions, but you don't have to answer them. I do like mysteries of poems. I had to look up brackish water, and now I'm curious on where this person is? If it's not as salty as the sea, than where could this person be? Maybe it's just a certain section that's not quite as salty as others?
So, this person went overseas to find better work, where they want to provide a home for their family. But they never arrive. Correct? This reminds me of other historical stories. When settlers or refugees came to America, and either their ship sank or it wasn't actually as good as they thought it would be.
This whole poem sets the mood perfectly from the first line, and it immerses me in this grim world. Thanks for writing this and sharing.
Keep writing!
Hi, thanks so much for the review! So I'm from Singapore, and this is an ode to the many migrant workers we have here. Many of them left their villages and hometowns in other countries to come here and work, filled with many dreams of a life to be. But when they actually came, many were faced with many problems, such as mistreatment, being oastracised, sub-optimal living conditions etc. But most of all, many of them struggle with a sense of identity, giving their hearts and lives to help build a foreign nation. Even in Singapore, it still feels like they still don't have a home, as they can't connect with most of the locals or don't have friends here, hence why they still feel like they're at sea, drifitng around aimlessly. Yet, they have to work hard to earn money for their family and stay for long periods of time, many unable to afford the other way back, hence why they slowly forget their old identity.
Ohh, that's so interesting! (And oh my gosh so sad) So most of it is a metaphor. I see. Well, you explained the feeling of what you just said so well in your work. Thanks for explaining this! ^^