What the fuck!
One glance at my email and I was stunned beyond comprehension. I failed to fully grasp what Aliyah had replied. It seemed impossible to me. There was no way that whatever Aliyah had said, is true.
Aliyah: Jason dm me on instagram and asked if you had an account. I said no, but then he wanted your number.
I had to reread what she said in order to complete the process of coming to the conclusion that it was real and not a hoax. Although, I grew dizzy and short of breath as I began to think more about it. Jason had always been someone that I admired, but deep inside, I felt as if he was out of my lead. Like I wasn’t worth it enough to be someone of his type, but he wasn’t like the other boys. He was still a friend a mine and acted like nothing was awkward. I guess, his casualness is what made me gravitate to him even more.
Now, that same boy would want to talk to me? I know this is what I have been waiting for, but I guess actually talking to him had never really crossed my mind. I struggled as I wonder about what I would say to him. What I would do or act.
I sat on my bed mattress biting my nails as I grew more agitated by the moment.
Suddenly, I realized one slight problem. I didn’t have a phone so therefore I didn’t have a number, and how would I know his email? It’s not like I want to bring Aliyah into this either. I sigh with frustration. This is what happens when you don’t have a normal teenage life. Although, I still have all the drama like one. I guess you can just never have it easey.
Then Aliyah emails me again, and I can’t help smile just a little bit.
Aliyah: Damn it! You don’t have a phone!
At least she understood. That was why Aliyah was my best friend. I email her back.
Me: Yeah. The struggle is real.
Aliyah: Yeah well, that’s not right. You’ve wanted to see him in a long time. It’s only fair that you get the chance to talk to him too.
Me: I know, but if it’s not meant to be, it won’t happen.
Aliyah: Aarrgghh! You’re seriously not going to do anything about this?
Me: Well, what am I supposed to do?
It was true. What was I supposed to do, but what Aliyah had said made me bite me lower lip. I felt like a fraud. I wanted to see him. I even prayed, but then here I am beginning to chicken out.
Aliyah: YES!!! You know, either way, you would’ve done something.
Me: Oh really? What makes you say that?
Aliyah: ‘Cause I already have a plan that will blow your mind.
Me: Oh hell no! Every time you have a plan, something goes wrong.
Aliyah: What are you talking about?! Nothing ever goes wrong. Besides, this one isn’t that bad.
Me: That bad? ALIYAH!!!!!!
Aliyah: See you tomorrow *winking*
I throw my hands in the air, defeated. I stare at the screen in utter shock. I whisper to myself. “What just happened?”
The next day, I wake up to the blaring of my alarm clock. I yawn and slam a hand down on the “off” button. As I sit up in bed, I try and recollect what happened last night. Then I remember the emails. Me and Aliyah’s conversations. I am alert and fully awake at last.
I rush to the bathroom, clean myself up, and then slip into my room where I swiftly begin tossing clothes until I found some. At last, I find a pair of jeans and a “One Direaction” shirt. I put them on and grab my jean jacket on the way out. I jog downstairs and see my aunt in the kitchen, laughing with my brother. She glances at me and suddenly her smile disappears.
I slow my pace. I feel small once again.
“Here.” She pushes a plate of toast towards me. I stare down at the plate and I remember what happened the night before. With fear of getting in trouble, I eat the toast. I don’t feel the need to eat, but I don’t want a whipping.
When I am finished, I take my backpack and rush outside without an acknowledgement to my aunt or brother. Why should I? They would only glare at me.
As I walk to the bus stop, I can’t help thinking about all those years ago. When I had a mother and father. I was only eight at the time. My brother was six and what a grand time we had. We were a happy. My mother was beautiful with brunette hair, light skin, gleaming gray eyes, and a soft smile that must’ve made every boy drop to their knees when they saw her when she was much younger. My father was tall with tan skin, dark hair, and brown eyes that stern in a loving sort of way. I felt like I was being watched by angels. I tried ever so much to please them. They were everything to me.
Until they died. It was my ninth birthday when they died in a car accident. They were driving home from the store after they just bought my birthday decorations. I was at home with my aunt and uncle, and at that time, they were happy too. My aunt was mother’s younger sister. Although, she didn’t have my mother’s soft and beautiful look to her. She was more strict and firm- looking. Like a Sunday school teacher that you would fear to ever get on the wrong side of.
I remember the look on my aunt’s face when we had reached the hospital. She was crying and shaking as she listened to the doctor’s bad news. I was shaking too, and scared. I was traumatized. I felt like it was all my fault. I didn’t need to hear the exact words that my parents were dead. I just felt the light disappear and fade in my surroundings.
I walked over to my aunt to give her a hug, but she pushed me away and glared at me with my most hurtful look. It was a mix of fury, vengeance, pain, and sorrow. She clenched her jaw and gritted her teeth as she jabbed a finger at me. “It’s all your fault.” she yelled.
My brother ran over and my aunt squeezed him in a hug. He looked up at me, and it was pure sadness that made me sob as I stood there. I felt alone. This is the worst birthday ever, I thought. I felt abandoned and a huge knife drive into my small heart. My parents were already dead. Now the only relatives I had in the world just old me it was all my fault.
My uncle tried to comfort me, but I didn’t want his sympathy. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to die at that moment. I remember grieving for weeks. School became a struggle for me, and so I had to stay out for a few weeks until I was able to be restored. I remember my uncle and aunt fighting almost everyday. I can still hear my brother’s wailing as he fought his battles. I tried to comfort him, but he blamed me too. I was driven out by people’s heart because of something I didn’t commit, but yet..I still felt like it was my fault. If my parents hadn’t gone to the store because of MY birthday, they would still be hear now.
But I used that pain, and told myself everyday. “Do the best you can in school so you can leave the house and have a life. Fight everyday until you’re eighteen and you’re old enough to go on your own way. Then, never EVER look back.”
So here I was. many years later. Still upset at myself, but waiting until I could be free. It was a secret and a longing that I had never told anyone. Not even Aliyah. She knows that my parents had died, and she knows that my aunt is a real bitch, but she doesn’t know EVERYTHING. She doesn’t need to. My life does not need to be her problem.
“Hey!” A voice calls out to me, taking me away from my thoughts. I turn around and see Aliyah’s smiling face. I give a smile in return.
“What’s up?” I laugh.
“Nothin’ but the sky yo.” Someone behind Aliyah replies.
We both look and see Gabe heading our way. I suddenly glance at Aliyah and nudge her, smiling. She nudges back. “Shut up.” She mumbles.
“So what you ladies doing?” He grins his crooked smile and nods to Aliyah. Gabe Bradshaw was also a great friend of ours, and Aliyah’s crush. Although, I doubt Gabe know it. Apparently, Aliyah and Gabe had been flirting since the third grade and none of them have seen it yet. I try to convince the both of them, secretly, that they like each other, but they brush that idea off.
So teachnically, I’ve been the third wheel for nine years.
“Oh nothing.” Aliyah smiles. “We were just talking about how to get Cici and Jason together.”
My eyes grew wide. “We were?”
Gabe gawks at me. “No shit! You saw Jason?”
I glare at Aliyah. “Yeah. At the basketball game yesterday. By the way, did you know we lost?”
“Don’t change the subject, Cici.” Aliyah says as we board the bus and take a seat in the very back of the bus. “You know you want to talk to Jason. I saw it in your eyes when you were on a Jason-scavenger-hunt yesterday.”
Gabe chuckles. “You were looking for him?”
“Yeah.” Aliyah smirks, “She was searching for his bea-u-ti-ful face in the crowd.”
I shove Aliyah and Gabe as they laugh. Although, I can’t hide my smile either. “Yeah, but the problem is we don’t know how to contact him.” I say.
“Jason asked for her number last night when he Dm me on instagram.” Aliyah explained to Gabe, “Unfortuantely, Cici doesn’t have a phone number.”
“And I don’t know his email.” I add.
Gabe looks at the both of us. “Well, why didn’t you say so? I have his phone number right here because we play football together.”
Aliyah and I look at each other. It was Aliyah who grabbed Gabe’s phone and shoved it to me. She looked at me expectantly. “Text him.”
I stare at the phone and then look up at Aliyah. “What am I suppose to say?”
Aliyah rolled her eyes. “That you love him and have been waiting to talk to him in years, and that since you just saw him yesterday at the game, you fell in love with him even more.”
Gabe looks up at me. “Just don’t forget to put that it’s you. Or else Jason gonna think I’m gay.”
Aliyah starts laughing.
I shake me head. “Don’t worry because I’m not gonna put that. I’m just gonna start off slow.”
“Why?” Aliyah whines, but she is still laughing.
I take the chance and text Jason as soon as I can.
Me: Hey! It’s me, Cici.
I breathe and hand over the phone back to Gabe. The three of us just look at each other, and then after a long while of silence, we start to laugh. We laugh until our stomachs hurt and we are cradling our bodies as we try to stop. I felt alive. This was what it was like to be happy and free from the darkness of my world. I look at my laughing friends. It would be hard to leave them.
“Oh my gawd.” Gabe shouts. Aliyah and I stop laughing and look at Gabe, confused. His face shocked but amused at the same time.
“What is it?” Aliyah asks.
Gabe looks at Aliyah and nudges her. Then he nods to me, and Aliyah’s jaw drops. They both look at me. “It’s Jason.”