I am being destroyed by my own mind.
It was the last sentence I had written after I finished my very first diary entry. I never really thought that I would be needing a diary. It just never occurred to me to write down my thoughts and feelings. You see, I always kept them to myself, so when my grandmother gave me this small book with blank, lined pages, I didn’t know what to do with it until she told me. She said that it was a book that spoke for your heart. It kept every single feeling you ever felt and if you kept good care of it, then those memories and emotions would be conserved until you would open it up again and read it all.
I thought, why would you want to remember bad memories? Little does my grandma now that none of my emotions and memories are all butterflies and rainbows. In fact, it’s just the opposite, but I decided to give it a try. Surprisingly, it wasn’t all that bad.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey Tiny! I caught a few things that were a little off so I will show them to you.
As MJTucker said, in this sentence, “In fact, it’s just the opposite, but I decided to give it a try,” you are just repeating what you already said. That was basically all that I caught so in every other way, it was well done.
I really liked the first sentence. It really hooks the reader in and made me want to know what you meant by that. I found it neat how you described the journal. It was very real and relatable so that’s another factor that will help attract readers. Good job!
Hi there tinybookfarie! Tuck stopping by for a short review
You use 'just' twice in close proximity—in my opinion, you don't need to use the first "just".I don't feel that the second sentence is necessary, it seems to just be repeating the same information that the first sentence gave us.
This perspective on diaries and journals was interesting. I don't think I've ever heard that perspective put exactly this way before, so that aspect of it was excellent. However, I do get the sense that it wasn't quite completed. Like Amadeus said, this is significantly shorter than most works on YWS. You could definitely post longer if you wanted to, but it is worth considering that shorter works means that reviewers can zero in on more specific aspects of your story.
Overall, I liked the general feeling of this prologue. It almost felt like something that would play before a TV show, in my opinion. That's not a bad thing at all—in fact, it's a signal of good writing because the writers for TV shows are usually very experienced and talented. The prologue did its job in that it intrigued me and drew me in, and I'd love to read more from you! Please tag me if and when you decide to post the next part of this chapter. Hopefully my review was helpful to you, and if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me! And most importantly: keep writing!
~MJTucker
Thank you so much. I really love your review.
If this is an epilogue, why are you posting the epilogue first? Usually an epilogue comes at the very end of a story. Maybe you're thinking of prologue?
Second, in the second paragraph, I recommend recognising the "she" as you grandmother.
Third, in the first paragraph, there is just a small punctuation thing that is unimportant but I might as well mention it. In the sentence "You see, I always kept them to myself so when my grandmother gave me this small book with blank, lined pages, I didn’t know what to do with it until she told me", I recommend putting a comma after "myself".
I have a tip, but you don't need to heed it - it's just my personal opinion. I think it would be more worth the time of the reviewer, especially in terms of chapters, to provide a post containing a larger passages. If you plan on keeping your chapters at this average length as of what you have already posted, then I'd say maybe post two or three per post.
So far so good! There really isn't much more I can say about it since there isn't yet a story to follow and critique on, but you have an excellent start. Keep writing!
Oh thank you for the review. I will do my best to make it better to read for the reviewer and thank you for correcting me on the Epilogue thing!