Hello! Holden Caulfield here for a little review.
Unlike some of the other lyrical pieces that I have reviewed, this is the first one that actually strikes me as being a proper song. I do not know what genre it is supposed to be, but, the way I read it, I heard it as if it were either old school country (think John Denver) or Simon and Garfunkle style folk. I cannot see it working for any other genre, since I picked up on a rather peaceful and calm vibe.
The longing for home is a powerful aspect of your piece, and you seem to have written it passionately. As someone who sees Colorado as an almost second home, particularly in the Rockies, I can just vision the things you are describing. The first being the storms blasting through the skies. In Colorado, up towards the peaks, storms roll in every day. The bipolar weather is something I have fond memories of. I know that this probably is not your intention, but when you described the stars and sun being too close, it reminded me of how much brighter the stars look while up in the mountains, and how hot the sun beats down in the summer months. I liked your imagery and the overall theme.
Now onto the nitpicks:
While Casanova is right in that you are inconsistent in terms of rhyming and not rhyming at different parts of your song, I respectfully disagree with his opinion on the matter. If done well, it can work. Pink Floyd did it all the time, and they were brilliant musicians, arguably the greatest band of the 70's.
My main complaint is that I feel you are stating the same thing over and over again. Stanzas II and III just seem to be restating the theme of stanza I. Other than that, I have no qualms with your work. I agree that it feels unfinished, but that is mostly because there does not seem to be any chorus, but, again, Pink Floyd did not do many choruses, and instead allowed their songs to progress from beginning to end.
I know I did not give as much constructive criticism as you probably wanted, but I am in a bit of a hurry. If you want I could do a more in-depth review.
Happy Review Day!
- Holden
Points: 14
Reviews: 19
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