Out here by myself again
Stuck out in the rain again
Storms are blasting through these skies
This air ain't meant for me
My dreams become just agony
Want to live for more than truth and lies
I think I'll take to the stars
They're shining back on the place
The place my dreams were made
The place they started to fade
And I can see the sun
I'm flying way too close
I think I'm gonna burn
Not sure I'll make it
Out here all alone again
Nothing but the desert sand
Not no other soul for miles
But this world feels meant for me
Life is more than than just tragedies
Think it's time I say goodbye
Cause I'm gonna head to the stars
They're shining back on the place
The place my dreams were made
I hope they never fade
And I can see the sun
I'm flying way too close
I think I'm gonna burn
Not sure I'll make it
I'm headed back to Denver
I'm headed back to December
The cold winds sting against my eyes
All the sentimentality kills me
But this world can start to feel lonely
Always waiting for the storm to end
But this time around, the storms gonna wait on me
Cause I'm hanging out with the stars
They're shining back on the place
The place my dreams were made
Knew they would never fade
And I can see the sun
I'm flying a little close
I know I'm not gonna burn
I think I'm gonna make it
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140,068 Literary Works • 672,978 Reviews
Hello! Holden Caulfield here for a little review.
Unlike some of the other lyrical pieces that I have reviewed, this is the first one that actually strikes me as being a proper song. I do not know what genre it is supposed to be, but, the way I read it, I heard it as if it were either old school country (think John Denver) or Simon and Garfunkle style folk. I cannot see it working for any other genre, since I picked up on a rather peaceful and calm vibe.
The longing for home is a powerful aspect of your piece, and you seem to have written it passionately. As someone who sees Colorado as an almost second home, particularly in the Rockies, I can just vision the things you are describing. The first being the storms blasting through the skies. In Colorado, up towards the peaks, storms roll in every day. The bipolar weather is something I have fond memories of. I know that this probably is not your intention, but when you described the stars and sun being too close, it reminded me of how much brighter the stars look while up in the mountains, and how hot the sun beats down in the summer months. I liked your imagery and the overall theme.
Now onto the nitpicks:
While Casanova is right in that you are inconsistent in terms of rhyming and not rhyming at different parts of your song, I respectfully disagree with his opinion on the matter. If done well, it can work. Pink Floyd did it all the time, and they were brilliant musicians, arguably the greatest band of the 70's.
My main complaint is that I feel you are stating the same thing over and over again. Stanzas II and III just seem to be restating the theme of stanza I. Other than that, I have no qualms with your work. I agree that it feels unfinished, but that is mostly because there does not seem to be any chorus, but, again, Pink Floyd did not do many choruses, and instead allowed their songs to progress from beginning to end.
I know I did not give as much constructive criticism as you probably wanted, but I am in a bit of a hurry. If you want I could do a more in-depth review.
Happy Review Day!
- Holden
Funny you mention John Denver. This actually started as a piece of writing to describe the final minutes of his life, but sort of evolved into something more broad than that. I am fond of a lot of different folk singers so it's neat you were able to pick that up. Thanks for reviewing
Hey, Tigeraye! Casanova here to do a review for you!
Anyway, LYRICS! Woo. Anyway, to the review!
Okay, so the first thing I'd like to start off with is flow. You have a decent flow throughout most of this, and I like that. SO props for that. Anyway, Onward.
I can't tell what style of song this is, so I"ll just go with the melody in my head.
Throughout most of this you don't rhyme, and yet in the third and fourth line you rhyme, them it goes back to not rhyming in this verse. Why the switch up? I like to see consistent rhyme, and I think it works well when done properly. Anyway, onward.
The next thing is the overall message and imagery behind the song. I find you're stringing different images together, and although it can work well, I think it could be done better.
Anyway, the chorus that I just quoted. I find it's the best part out of the song, and that it really gives a lot into what you're thinking. I will say the length of this song makes me think that it isn't finished, because in my head it's running about two minutes, two minutes and a half if I'm pushing it. I would suggest adding a bit more to it, then again I'm used to rap so I'm used to seeing a LOT more words within a couple of minutes than this.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron