Young Writers Society

I loved everything about this. Unlike a fellow reviewer, I really enjoyed the title, I just wanted to throw that out before getting too far into this. It's just a personal preference thing. The whole poem really channels what you feel directly to the audience, but it especially hit me the second time you write, "oh why is youth so wasted on the young." I also particularly loved, "I would be carrying your ashes/ just as you wanted/ fifty or sixty years from now." It's a simple line on the surface, not overplayed or drawn out, but all the more powerful for it. The emotion of this piece stands for itself, without a need for super elevated language or other distracting lyrical "tools." The way you express yourself in this is truly masterful. I hope writing it was cathartic, because reading it certainly was.

Hey there! I know we're on different Review Teams, but I'll try to give you good pointers in this review, either way. Happy Review Day and good luck!

To start off, this is really good! You do a really good job describing the emotions that the narrator feels, so the reader can easily connect with them. Being able to engage the reader is a really good skill to have as a poet, and you really make an impact with that.

One thing I wish you would have included the verse that you alluded to in the first stanza, as a bit of an interlude to the poem, to give a little more background to the whole story of the relationship the narrator had with the deceased person.

I'd almost rather have the last two repeating lines at the beginning of this poem, to make some sort of reference to a verse, and I feel like it'd be a good introduction. Then you could open up more about the verse and what the house looks like, all these years after that sad event.

One other thing that I think k you should change are the two lines "when your breaths all stopped and everything was all wrong." It's by that I don't like them, but I feel like they'd flow better if you took out the "all"s, like this: "when your breath stopped and everything was wrong." This makes it less wordy and less awkward, at least I think it does.

That's all I have for now! I hope this helped! Good luck with future writing!

Hello tigeraye, I'm here with a review

I like the way your lyrics combines both angst and love, and I could feel that the narrator is both grieving and upset. I felt like this was the narrator's letter to his or her loved one.

I thought your title didn't exactly match, though. This was more like a vivid recall thirteen years ago, but never mind my title nitpicks if you like the title anyway.

for the sorrow that laid
was unconquerable
by art or by strength