Young Writers Society

I thought this was a very well written song!
I really really really enjoyed this part:
Pull the plug
I'm crying
All the wonderful places I'll never go
The desert plains or the ice and the snow
I know I can't
I'm trying
Trying to hold on tight
But I know I can't
All the good things that I'll never be
My last request is just make me free

There is one thing I would say that is in the negative realm:
1. I feel like at the beginning of the song, there is no clear structure. I can't seem to find verses, choruses, etc. But near the end, the structure slowly evolves and I start to see it.

I have to say- this was extremely saddening for me!
Nice job.
XXX,
sapphireluna

Holden Caulfield here for a review.

I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Not only was it well-written, but the theme was very sad. Just the idea of a young person dying, thinking about the things that he or she will never be able to do, while on the brink of death, is both melancholy and unsettling. I am not one to cry, but you managed to depress me greatly, which was good, but the end had a sense of ironic hope: being that death will set the narrator free.

My only concern is the length. I know that you have a lot to say, but it drags on a bit, particularly towards the middle, and I can't help but feel that you are repeating some of the same things. In poetry, less is more. Don't add on too many things. The bare minimum to get the point across is how it is supposed to be, unless, of course, if you are writing Epic Poetry, which few people do anymore.

Now, my favorite part about your piece is how you open each stanza with a word describing an emotion, desire, or thought that the narrator has. It is stylistically powerful. The word "free" seems to be the main leitmotif of the work, as it were, and you do an effective job of reprising the word and its relation to the thoughts of the narrator throughout the poem. Well done. I look forward to hearing more from you.

Best,

- Holden