z

Young Writers Society



Blackbird

by tigeraye


The blackbird is still locked inside the iron cage
Yet you call on the phone and you talk to me like it was free
All along as you pretend
I lie awake thinking of the lies
You assumed you'd get away with telling him
My perfect world was make-believe
The blackbird is still trapped inside the cage

Adam will set the bird free
Daniel will set the cage aflame
Jacob will set the bird free
Tyrone will set the cage aflame
Wesley will set the bird free
Mike will throw the cage in the trash

The young grandfather stubs his toes
When he's climbing off a bed
To live the life he wish he had
Grabs for the key to the door
But only air fills his hands
And that's when he at long last understands
He was the blackbird all along

Adam will set the bird free
Daniel will set the cage aflame
Jacob will set the bird free
Tyrone will set the cage aflame
Wesley will set the bird free
Mike will throw the cage in the trash

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User avatar
32 Reviews

Points: 202
Reviews: 32

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Sun Jul 23, 2017 8:31 pm
Jpwriter wrote a review...



Ok so this is really good and really creative, but I must admit I'm confused by the story. Were told about maybe someone trapped, in something like a relationship or regret or fear, or literally trapped, but I don't know. But then in the second and fourth verse we get these six names, who are they and why would they hurt the old man, who is represented as a blackbird, which I love that since the black bird is one of my favorite animals, and my favorite way of representing something. But its hard for me to tell what its meant to represent. Is it him slowly realizing he's trapped, trying to subconsciously tell himself that he is trapped, or is it something else. But otherwise I love it so please keep writing, and please let me know when you have more lyrics I want to hear more.




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13 Reviews

Points: 1755
Reviews: 13

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Sun Jul 23, 2017 3:25 pm
Sourire wrote a review...



Bonjour, SunsetTree.

The title to this poem is very alluring. It in end is what brought me here, however, the meaning or mood of the poem is lost to me when you wrote

Adam will set the bird free
Daniel will set the cage aflame
Jacob will set the bird free
Tyrone will set the cage aflame
Wesley will set the bird free
Mike will throw the cage in the trash


I don't seen the put in this because the reader cannot relate to whatever it is you're trying to convey. Not only that, but it's choppy and monotonous because you repeated it yet again at the end. When I read the very first to stanzas I thought this was going to be a sort of romance with the speaker feeling caged by here loved one, but after that I was lost.

The blackbird is still locked inside the iron cage
Yet you call on the phone and you talk to me like it was free
All along it was free or so you pretend
I lie awake thinking of the lies
You assumed you'd get away with telling me
My perfect world was make-believe
The blackbird is still trapped inside the cage


The first two stanzas tell us that the bird is locked inside the iron cage, but then "All along it was free or so you pretend" which is contradictory to what you just told us. Again you tell us it's in the cage "The blackbird is still trapped inside the cage" so the third stanza doesn't fit and confuses whoever is trying to grasp the meaning and relate to the poem.

All of that aside, I think this poem has potential, but it wasn't executed very well.

~Sourire




tigeraye says...


thank you, but they're song lyrics, not a poem.



Sourire says...


Ah, pardon me for such a foolish mistake! I didn't see that but my points on the meaning of the poem still stand. Again, I'm sorry for that.




If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
— Lemony Snicket