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140,667 Literary Works • 673,586 Reviews
Hi SunsetTree! Queenie here for a quick review. For starters, I LOVED this poem. It was so tragic and yet so beautiful. This poem is extremely well written, so good job on that. However, I do have some questions. How old is the narrator of this poem? and What is the relationship between the narrator and the child who died (are they sisters?)? Also, I really liked how you repeated the quote at the end, it was just a really nice way to wrap up the poem. So, GREAT job on this poem, keep writing, and I look forward to reading some of your future pieces.
Well that was really somber and heart-wrenching: I hope it wasn't a recount of an event that occurred in your life or anything. Yeeks!
It's so well written (appearing to have much forethought embedded into it) this will be very hard to review and I'm a pretty decent critiquer. Pretty stellar and striking way to look ahead towards the grave and know that you can't get around it ultimately - and for some it comes sooner than others in its unpredictability and suddenness. I should know: 2 of my dad's friends have passed on here in the last 2 weeks.
"Bodies foggy and tired" is a way of being energetically spent that I have never witnessed to the taste of my ears before. A great way to paint the heaving of little lungs just finished probably racing around for several minutes straight at 1000 mph. A great image of youthfulness.
among really sounds better on the same line as Lincoln Logs.
Taxes? Why not simply say prosperity or plenty or financial excess?
The disaster in my eyes was cold and numb...? That really plopped me right down into the window seat first hand of the narrator. I felt like I was there. Perfect execution in a succinct delivery.
If you say cheerios I don't think you need to also add milk, as I instinctively am already filling that into the complete smell.
"Your last meal,
my last moment..." - Six of the heaviest words I ever heard fall in poetry in all my time. I like the simplicity in which you are able to reach depth. I can't do it. I have to go over the top which works better for articles really. You know how to strike an emotional cord without using the word grieving or angry or bitter or inconsolable. That's what really makes your storytelling ability to be H'arked on....