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the ghosts of us

by tigeraye



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21 Reviews


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Fri Apr 27, 2018 4:09 am
Namjoon2003 wrote a review...



What a do, What it is. Its yo boi comin' at you with a review.

I think I get what your poem is about. I think.

"A gun for you."
Someone is comitting suicide by shooting themselves.

"A pill for me."
You are the person that dies from an overdose.

"Depression is a wimp compared to death."
What you are saying here is that death will always be better than depression(Just what the poem is saying. Not really what I think about death.) Like depression is just some weak, scrawny thing, while death is strong.

Then the last part of the poem, you were just stating how ya'll left your mothers alone, and how your bones/bodies are laying lifeless on the floor because ya'll are dead.

My theory:
You and a sibling are planning on killing yourselves. You sibling has a gun and you have the pills. Ya'll both believe that if you end the suffering, or in this poem you both are depressed, if you end the depression then you can both finally be happy. In the end you both do kill yourself, but you leave your mother behind with the bodies of her dead children.

That was just my theory of it. Anyway, this poem was really deep. It was as if when you came up with this that you were depressed at that time. You made it where you probably can relate to it in a certain way.

I really did like the poem though. It was very well written, and it has a meaning behind it that only you may know. For all I know maybe my theory is right, or maybe you just want to see what everyone else's theories were.

You have some really amazing talent. I hope you push your talent to your limit, and make more poems like this(or something else. Your choice.) Keep up the good work!

~Namjoon~




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Fri Apr 27, 2018 3:55 am
Radrook wrote a review...



The poem leaves many things to the reader's imagination. The expression a gun for you a pill for me doesn't necessarily mean that they used the things on themselves. It could be just as easily applied to two persons who have been murdered. One via being forced to swallow a pill and the other by being shot.

The expression: "Depression is a wimp compared to death." is also open to interpretation. Who is really depressed here? Was it the ones who were killed? Or was it someone who did the killing? Was the killer depressed? If depression is not as hard as death to endure-then who is doing the enduring of the death?

Is the speaker saying that the ghosts find death far harder to endure than their former depression or the depression of the killer? Is the writer trying to indicate that suicide leads to an unendurable afterlife.

Is the depression the reason why they committed suicide or is the depression of the killer the reason they were murdered? Who is staring at the bones, their mom or the Ghosts? Is the mom seeing the ghosts wile the ghosts stare at the bones?

The word "but"might seem unimportant but it isn't. In this case it seems to be a synonym for "however"which means despite what has been said before. In that way the word "but"or "however" forces the reader to examine just how the first and the second stanza contrast each other. That is areal challenge!

Also, the expression that "they left...." doesn't necessarily mean that they took their own life. People are sometimes forced to leave this world when they are murdered.

So the issues are:

Were these two individuals murdered or did they commit suicide?
How does the first stanza contrast with the second in order to justify the expression use of "but"" or "however"?

Despite all these possible ruminations, the impression that the two persons committed suicide and inflicted a suffering much harder to deal with than depression is the one I prefer to believe that the writer is striving to communicate.

The grief caused by their death would be much harder to deal with than any preexisting depression. And if indeed they are observing the grief that they caused their mother in the afterlife as ghosts, then their intense sense of guilt of inflicting such as suffering on their mother would also make the depression that instigated their suicide seem wimpish in comparison. They realize now that their mother's grief is far harder than depression she might have been suffering prior to their death.

They also realize that their sense of guilt and in inflicting that suffering on their mother, who, they knew would be left alone is also much harder to bear than any depression that might have pushed them over the edge. So in that sense depression is a wimp compared to death and what death has brought upon the three persons in this poem.




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Fri Apr 27, 2018 2:23 am
manilla wrote a review...



I see your expertise is in dark poetry! I think.

--

Hi, Manilla here for a quick review. Recap: Two people just committed suicide - One by shooting themselves and one by overdosing. Now, they are both dead, and they are looking at the ghosts of themselves...Am I right?

I like the formatting of this poem and the message it leaves you: The people that loved the ghosts. Would would be of them, too?

The two stanzas contradict each other in saying that suicide was just a job you had to get done in order to pull through. The second stanza just returned the view of death as a cold, final thing that couldn't be reversed.

This was simplistic, but it was still beautiful. That's all from me.

-Manilla out!




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Fri Apr 27, 2018 1:05 am
Clairia wrote a review...



hey there! i'm londone, here to review your work!

What a ghostly piece you've got here (see what I did there?) Very haunting. It speaks of death in two ways -- by overdose and suicide by a gun. Both are horrible ways to die--and I cannot imagine a mother's reaction to finding her children's bodies. I was kind of interested to see how she might have reacted; the ending was a bit disappointing for me. I wanted a bit more.

depression
is a wimp
compared to death


I was just a bit confused as to what you meant here--a wimp how? I would think most suicidal people look at death as the escape, not the threat. I'd say maybe elaborate more on that.

This poem is overall very simple, but I think you've done a good job here. You've taken a heavy topic and turned it into something haunting. Well done.

thanks for sharing,

londone





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