Beauty.
That's what she was. Good at everything, even had me in love.
But what I didn't see, was that underlying hatred. A burning desire to kill my every motive.
She took my love, She took my friends, She took my hand, and she let me slip off the cliff.
As I fell to the ground, All I saw was her smirk.
She took my whole life away, like it was nothing to her.
To be fair it probably didn't, but I don't understand.
I love you so much, yet you listen to her rants…
You listen to her tale as she lies to keep you there.
"She only wants attention."
Yeah… She labeled me with her name.
How was I replaced as quickly as she came?
I'm not quite sure. But I can't just ignore this pain.
She's hurting me, Killing me,
But you don't seem to care. You only seem to love her.
I seem to have failed. I loved you, yet her voice catches your ear,
Like a siren out at sea, Her song is what you hear.
My words are drowned out, No one wishes to let me speak.
I seem to have been thrown out, like I was nothing to you…
No. At some point, yes, I refused.
Refused to be hurt or thrown around like a tool.
But I fell for my own trap. I guess that's the end.
You'll never listen…
She's taken everything I had.
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139,273 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Was this inspired by a true story?
Yes, actually it is. When I was dating this one guy in highschool, a girl pushed her way into our friend group. She flirted with him, kept telling him I was cheating, that I was using him, (I wasn't.) Eventually, we got into a fight, I told him not to touch me, he broke up with me. Then got with her. While they were dating she spread a bunch of lies and rumors about me, I was basically tossed out of the friend group and hated. For 4 months, I dealt with her nonsense. When I got my part through and clear, he came back to me. (I was stupid enough to let him). Eventually, we broke up again for good, because he was hitting on other girls and I was tired of it.
Dang that sounds unimaginable, (I'm 14 ok my life is simple) sorry to hear that. Have you moved on yet?
Oh most definitely. I've learned to look for red flags, then avoid those people instead of sticking around. And its no worries! I was 14-15 when this happened to me. It was a while ago. Yes, sometimes I still dwell on it, but I dont live in the past. They were a bad decision. I've moved on. And found that women are just as enjoyable as men. (In a friendly way. I'm bisexual.) He can do what he wants, she can too. But I can do me. And neither of them can hold me down. I wont let them. %u2764
Good for you I guess. This makes for a good story. Maybe I'll make my own version of it.
Hey Taost! Coming in to review this absolutely magnificent poem!
Let me first say that the overall tone of this piece really stood out to me. It takes us through sort of the stages of an obsession, and I love that. The formatting was also super interesting to me—I noticed that sometimes you capitalize words in the middle of a sentence when there is something worthy of emphasis, and that drew my attention. I wish I would have seen more of it--consistency with that could have brought a bit of an added style to the piece.
The themes were also super interesting--the metaphor between the narrator’s experience and a siren are so interconnected, and it really brings a sense of “this is true, but it is also a fairytale”. I really enjoyed that. In a way, it’s an address to the people who were allured by the “siren”, and the way you address them has undertones of exasperation.
One of the things I noticed was the odd rhyme scheme. I love that there is a rhythm to it, but it feels sort of disjointed in places. I would try reading it out loud to get a sense of the flow and rhythm of the piece and how it could go more smoothly.
Overall, I really loved this piece! It shows such a vivid story and I was captivated by the tale and metaphors. I can’t wait to read more of your work!
<3, Meenal (theromanticchemist)
Thank you for reading!
Most of my poetry is broken up, and most of the inconsistent things you see are matters of how its formatted when I import my work from Docs. It's a little janky.
I do take into consideration that poetry doesn't HAVE to rhyme. There is no rule saying it has to, but it is one of the more common formats we see. Just sometimes, I can't find the word I want and I switch it up.
Like I've mentioned before, it is infact a poem written from a series of true events in my life, but for privacy reasons and my own though process, comparisons were used. I'm so glad you liked that though!
I do agree that I do need to be more consistent with my emphasizations.
Thank you so much though! Your words are appreciated!
~Taost<3
One of my absolute favorite things to write about is any sort of mermaid or siren myth, it provides an ample amount of information to twist your narrator into someone who would listen to the call. The gender neutrality of the narrator makes it easy to put myself into the heartbreak that's being experienced, even though I've never been capable of feeling this way. The lack of consistent rhythm - in my opinion - only adds to that heartbreak, making the poem itself seem like the love-struck rambling of someone who isn't entirely sane. The lack of reciprocation is a great theme for any love story, especially something like this, and I really like how the whole poem holds that hurt close to it.
This means a lot to me. The poem itself was written based off of a series of true events in my life, but I like to compare things to organize my thoughts. This is one of them. Thank you for writing this, it truly does a lot for me.
Thank you so much <3
~Taost