There must be one,
for they all say, and they all bow;
and I see,
every dawn; after the moon puts the stars back
in its pocket, and when it begins to wane
I see radiance, I smell life, I feel warmth
I feel new, and I know
There must be one;
for he cares, for he comes every dawn, to prevent
a world devoid of moonlight, and curtains,
and when the stains in the moon’s face begin to show,
he melts it,
in the sky, and makes it enlightened,
and vast, and blue and yellow and red
for he’s the creator, he can’t see suffering,
that’s why, that must be why;
There must be one.
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140,186 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
I like the theme of your poem very much and also the style is quite interesting, if i were to nitpick i would just suggest few points,
when one begins to read your poem they are mislead [ or more appropriately confused] that this " someone" is in which dense.you have used the word bow yet to me it couldn't appeal to his strength.change the sequence or try some other phrase- only you can find the most suiting like.
apart from that i like your use of words in the like-
"I see radiance, I smell life, I feel warmth
I feel new, and I know
There must be one;"
try making more use of such feelings and this work can then be easily crowned a perfect.
i really liked your piece and look forward to many more skillful writings of you
keep writing,
Rituparna
Actually the narrator is simply making an observation saying that everyone bows, he's himself unsure and he is as confused as the reader. Then he looks around and feels the presence around him. This is what I meant but I have learning that what I meant doesn't matter if the reader didn't get it. So thank you Rituparna for the review. It helped a lot.
Actually the narrator is simply making an observation saying that everyone bows, he's himself unsure and he is as confused as the reader. Then he looks around and feels the presence around him. This is what I meant but I have learning that what I meant doesn't matter if the reader didn't get it. So thank you Rituparna for the review. It helped a lot.
Sorry, typo! I meant I have learnt.
Someday Android is going to get me killed... (Jerk!)
Inked here!
I'm not sure if you are trying to convince yourself here. It is beautiful nonetheless. I can feel the Hope. It is a really nice piece. I love how you use repetition. It is more than a spiritual poem it is a piece of art.
Hey there, Delirium here to give you a review!
Might I start off by saying that this piece really surprised me. I hesitated before clicking when I noticed the spiritual label, for I have mixed emotions over religious pieces. But this piece absolutely blew me away. I was so simple and yet each line just as colorful and full of life as the next. You conveyed the emotion of hope and belief so fluently, without being blunt. And your descriptions help coax the reader into reasoning why there must be that "one."
Your positive take on spiritual views was quite enjoyable. The piece left me with a sense of mystery and enlightenment. Overall, absolutely amazing. 10/10. Keep on writing!
xx- Delirium
Thank you! It means a lot.
Hi there,
Okay, first, I'm not good at reviews and I'll just point out to you what I think you've done well and what could be changed. I am not the person to type a three page review I apologize.
Now on to my analysis. I really enjoyed this, and found it to be well written. Your imagery is lovely. I particularly loved the line, "when the moon puts the stars back/ in its pocket." It just struck me as beautiful.
Now, on to a few things that could be improved. Personally for me and in my opinion, I think this is spaced oddly and your breaks come in odd places. That is really the only fault I personally find.
Lastly as a side note, I disagree with the line "he can't see suffering." This for me isn't true and that is another personal thought.
Beautiful poem, thank you for writing and keep it up.
Thank you!
As for the odd breaks, I don't know why but I deliberately did those to add effects. What effects? I don't know. This poem practically flowed out of me involuntarily.
But I do have a problem generally with the line break and that's why I'm experimenting. I'll try better next time. Thank you for pointing it out.