See the world, I say,
you see stars and stripes.
Have you ever seen the backdrop?
Have you ever seen coarse dust fly,
from the rugged ground to kiss
the sky's summit and lick the stars off it?
Have you seen water embrace that dust
to never let go? Have you seen the sun
shine tirelessly to break them apart?
But do they ever? So here, I say
you'll find what you wanted to;
Do you remember?
Sure, it'll be a dream come true
when the night puts its children
out in the basking sunlight and
the stars bathe them in their
flickering lives with ditches -as
on the face of moon- and ditches
of light and then, you'll see
the birth of love,
the shriek of a disoriented infant,
the warmth of a newborn mother.
In her lap, I insist
you'll find what you wanted to;
But do you remember?
I can take you to that moon past sky
but how will you look there
when you're shrouded in curtains of
prejudices here. You know clouds
hide the sun, but have you ever
seen the drops of hope hanging
up there? Look and you'll find,
I know, what you wanted to;
Will you even remember?
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140,196 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
I love this poem, its one of my favorites on the site.
I love the message behind it and the way it makes you think about of the beauty of the world.
I agree totally with this poem and how the most of the living have indeed forgotten how beautiful and worthwhile the earth is.
Its a beautiful poem and i personally think you should write more like it.
Thank you!
Thank you!
your welcome!
Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. i like to begin on how this poem has an amazing message behind it since a name of something like a flag could either mean hope or freedom, whichever one is seeming to the eye or sound of it (if that makes sense). Also how the tone makes this a well-written poem since most poems that i have read, do not make this task a simple one at that.
i think you might want to change drops of hope to maybe something like hopefully drops or anything similar to that. Also when i read that stanza, it kinds bothers me (maybe it is just me) how it just ends.Nitpick(s):
this is a little confusing since what does "moon past sky" mean? Maybe change it to I can take you to where the moon flies across the sky or something like that.
you used ditches twice; not sure if you meant to of not.
All and all, unlike the things that need to be change, i think this a lovely with a lovely message. i think the message is that, no matter what anything is, will you remember the memories of that one object or will it be the same object you have seen 12 seconds ago?
(Sorry if i was harsh)
Farewell,
CapitalMonday
One thing i never understand: why is everyone so concerned if they were harsh with me or not? do i come across as the guy who'll weep if you do that? ah, just kidding. i respect your concern and you were not at all harsh.
by I can take you to that moon past sky i meant i can cross the sky to take you to the moon
and the next was supposed to mean ditches and ditches of light.
thank you for picking out this few mistakes, i'd expected a lot more. it means a lot.
Hey! Rachelle here.
This poem was really cool. I enjoyed reading it. There wasn't much to correct in this poem though. This review is just going to be a few suggestions.
First, make it longer. It would be a nice poem if it was longer.
Also, it would be cool if you could add in a variation of "remembers" like "of course you remember" or "could you remember", something like that.
I think that is it. It had a nice flow to it and this is one of the few poems that I like without a rhyme scheme. You did a really good job. This poem was far from amateur.
Rachelle
thank you very much. it means a lot that someone says my poem should have been longer as i am always afraid i'm gonna bore the reader so i am reluctant to post the longer ones. So,
Nice poem.
thank you.