Deleted, but thanks to all who gave feedback. :)
Absolutely fantastic tgirly! This piece absolutely lunges at the heart strings. The ending didn't have quite as much punch as I wanted it to. And I think some stage directions could benefit a few parts that are a bit confusing. Again fantastic - I'd like to see you try more short plays.
If you were nominated as one of newyork academy award nominee - i will be glad to vote for you with my whole heart.honestly, one of my students in scriptwriting saw your writing and she was so impressed with your creativity. i am a professional scriptwriter, i know a good script when i see anyone.I also would like to review your work in general.To start with: i am so happy with your title "gone fishing" it is a title that any reader would love to read. secondly, i observed that you neglected the scene numbering - maybe you think it is not necessary. bear it in mind that it is important in scriptwriting to indicate the scenes of the script for readers or viewer to understand.i also discovered that your script lack the "The Three Act structure"what is the three act structure? you may want to ask...Often, when I ask a writer this question I am told that it is a beginning, middle and an end. This is not the answer. A lunch line has a beginning, middle and an end. The Three-Act structure is critical to good dramatic writing, and each act has specific story moves. ACT ONE (beginning)(Book or screenplay)In Act One the protagonist meets all of the characters in the play. We also find out what the main problem of the story is. Everybody can usually plot Act One because we have to know the problem to have the idea. ACT TWO (middle)This is the most important act in the drama because you have the two most important structural moves in the story. At the end of Act Two is the second act curtain. This is the destruction of the hero's plan. At the end of Act Two the protagonist should be almost destroyed, and at the lowest point in the drama, either physically and/or emotionally. He (or she) is flat on his back and it looks like there is no way he can succeed. ACT THREE (end)This is simply the resolution of the problem. From the rubble laying around him/her, the protagonist picks up a piece of string and follows it to the eventual conclusion of the story. Some stories have downbeat endings, where the hero learns a lesson, but dies or is defeated. Lastly, your script is worth reading and selling try and work more on the script formation.I think i am done for now.Don't stop writing.....
This would make a pretty good duo interpretation piece for forensics-public speaking competitions. I really like the almost...absurdist vibe to this piece, the communication-especially in the beginning- is uniquely perplexing because the symbols jump around. I would either try to bring that vibe out a little bit more, or tone the communication style down a little if you do not like that vibe. I also like the flashbacks, they add to the absurdist quality of the piece, death does that to us i think, causes us to break down our communication until we all drift apart. Overall, I really enjoyed this piece, my only suggestion is in the more subtle parts, is to bring out the absurdist quality a bit more to emphasize the genre.
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