this used to be a poem, but i arranged it and added some chords, and now i'm playing it on my guitar. hope you'll like it, and sorry if it's not properly edited. i'm looking for time for that.
inside your heart
i'm walking under the rain, my tears are falling hard
there you stand, you don't even mind
why can't you see what i want us to be
i wanna scream it loud for everyone to hear
is there a place for me inside your heart, inside your heart
don't sit there and watch me as i fall apart, as i fall apart
and at the end of the road, will you wait for me
i'm on my way to that forgotten place
where my broken dreams and my shattered hopes
are all piled up and wasting away
is there a place for me inside your heart, inside your heart
don't sit there and watch me as i fall apart, as i fall apart
will you learn to love me, i wanna know, i wanna know
don't tell me i'm sorry, i can't let you go, i can't let you go
i will wait for you no matter how long it would take
just come down and meet me
at the destroyed amusement park where we've met
where we've met
is there a place for me inside your heart, inside your heart
don't sit there and watch me as i fall apart, as i fall apart
is there a place for me inside your heart, inside your heart
don't sit there and watch me as i fall apart, as i fall apart
will you learn to love me, i wanna know, i wanna know
don't tell me i'm sorry, i can't let you go, i can't let you go
i can't let you go, i can't let you go
i can't let you go, i won't let you go
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,590 Literary Works • 673,544 Reviews
thanks for the motivation, june. actually, i already have chords for this one, and i'm working on the strumming pattern on my guitar. i'm not a good musician though, but i'm trying my best to write songs.
i'm also going to post another song here sometime. i haven't worked on the music yet, but i sing it sometimes.
hope you can do more reviews for me. thanks.
`telle.
Hullo, Telle!
I like this song! I'd like to know how it's intended to be sang/what music it's intended to be set to.
Some of the lines carried on longer than they seemingly should've such as the line about the amusement park, but for the most part, you sustain even rhythmic pattern throughout, and I really appreciate that.
Keep writing!
June
hello carlito.
thanks for the review. and i'm going to reply.
you were right about the song being slow and ballady.
thanks again for that. i'm glad you appreciated it.
oh and this one. thanks again.
`telle.
Overall I thought this was really beautiful.
I liked that you didn't follow a set rhyme scheme and I thought it had really good rhythm. I could hear the song really well in my head. I heard it as slow and sort of ballady. Is that right?
There was one place that I thought the rhythm got a little off.
The third line is what seemed too long to me.
I liked the subtle repetition earlier but this just seemed slightly excessive to me that every line had a lot of repetition in it.
You've got a great start here. I really like it!
Gold star for you.
-Carly
((Edit: You just got my 250th review!!!!
((Edit again: I just noticed your avatar and I think it's really pretty.
hello, firearris.
i appreciated this. thanks for pointing this out, well..i'm not really done with editing, so mind my capitalization and punctuation.
thanks again.
`telle
Hello, Telle_04!
Nice lyrics you have here, though there could be some improvement. First off, you should fix your capitalization and punctuation. For example...
My corrections above are in bold.
I see you do the repeats several times in this, and I think you do it too much. Maybe not repeat so much? Also, I think it'd be better if there was a little more rhyming to this. A song doesn't have to rhyme, but it sounds much better if it does.
Otherwise though, I do like these lyrics. They are interesting and you can understand the message being put through.
Let me know if something I said doesn't make sense, you want more help, or need more critiques.
Good luck and keep writing!
~Firearris