Young Writers Society

Hiya! This is Ara the Story Bunny, here to give you a review on your lovely poem!

Overall, this is really interesting! (And sad...) This person is writing poetry about someone as if they're talking to them. This seems a lot like a metaphor, but I still get the image in my head of a king or a judge sentencing you to life in prison.

I find it interesting that you do not use capitals throughout, and the only punctuation that you use is question marks and a single period at the very end. The fact that you do not use any exclamation points makes me think the narrator isn't angry, but perhaps mildly distressed or tired of the way the other person is acting to them.

Anyway, onto the review!

are you simply the executioner

This is a really nice way to set up the theme and overall mood of the poem. We know right away that the narrator is "speaking" to another person, someone who seems to wish ill on the narrator. I like the fact that you added "simply," as if what this person is (or might be) isn't as bad as it seems to be. Again, it's like the narrator is numb to it in a way, and just feels done with this person. (Or maybe I'm reading too far between the lines. )

who denies my pleas of mercy?

As a continuation of the previous line, this conveys the rest of the thought well. Sometimes poets use lines that break off in the middle and it throws off the reader, but you pulled it off well here. I also like how this connects to the title. All the character wants is "mercy," and it's an interesting (and well placed nod) to the title. Whenever I connect my title directly to my story or poem, however, I like to use that word at the end of the said story or poem. It's like you don't really understand the title until the very end, and that's when it clicks and the reader is like, "Ohhhh! that's what the title means!" If I was forced to suggest any changes here, it would be to try to add that. But honestly, I don't think it needs to be changed. Really, I'm just saying that you could potentially use this in the future if you wanted the ending to be even more impactful to the reader.

are you but a judge

This connects back to the first line, and I like the way you do that. "Are you this?" "Are you that?" I love it when lines in poetry connect to each other like that, and it makes these lines even more impactful and important. If you ever try to emphasize a certain line in poetry again, this is one way to do it. (And one of my personal favorite ways.) ^-^
I also like how you used the word, "judge." It has two different meanings, one being an official working in a court of law, but it can also mean scrutinizing others. It's like the narrator is calling this person both at the same time, and I think that's really cool.

who has unfairly deemed that i deserve a life sentence?

I think this is the line that reminded me of a king. When I think of medieval places and times with a king, I often think of him unjust or unfair when it comes to rulings. And that's exactly what's happening here! I also feel that this line especially is more of a metaphor, saying that this person, the "judge" is, again, someone working in a court of law that usually decides the guilt of a person, but also someone who is mean to others in a way that attacks them. (Like a bully)

if i was not who i am
would you instead be merciful to me

This is saying, "If I was someone else," but in a more interesting way, right? "If I was someone else, someone you liked better, would you still treat me the same? Or would you be kinder to me?" Let me know if I got that wrong. ^^
I really like the way you worded this! It's simple yet it conveys so much, and it's not hard to read or follow!

and my dreadful existence?

Aww! Your existence isn't dreadful! (Both to the narrator and also you, tea.)

you wouldn't would you

Every time I read this line, it confuses me. I think my brain needs a comma there to make sense of it, otherwise the words jumble up. Although, that might just be me and it makes sense to other people.
Also, we learn a bit more about this character, how even if the narrator was a different person, that they'd still be treated the same. I wonder if that means the the "judge" person is mean to everyone. If the narrator was a different person and the character was still so mean, then maybe they do that to everyone.

you would just stand there and laugh.

It's kind of depressing how mean this person is. But goodness, is this a great way to end your poem! The whole thing is hinting at how bad this character is, and I think it's really cool how you wrapped that up so nicely.

I absolutely loved reading this poem! It's very well-written and I'm so glad you requested me to review it! Since this poem has some very interesting capitalization choices, I thought you might enjoy reading this thread. It's very helpful when deciding when and what to capitalize. (By the way, I'm not saying what you did here was wrong. In fact, I enjoyed reading it the way it is immensely, and I don't want you to change it! I just thought you'd enjoy reading this article as it pertains to the poem. ^^)

Also, are you alright? I hope this isn't based on experience. (You're always free to PM me for whatever you want.(Talking, venting, etc.))

Thank you again so much for sharing this poem with me, I enjoyed it so much. Have an awesome day/night, and keep writing!

(And here's a cute picture of a fluffy bunny to keep you motivated^^)