whisper by soundofmind — Lyrics | Young Writers Society

emjaccrn

Comment

emjaccrn commented Comment · Feb 25, 2018

Okay, so: amazing voice, amazing melody. It goes perfect! I sorta love it.
The lyrics are great! Love the metaphors and how you use figurative language.
I want to add some critiques because I don't want this to be generic, but I can't really think of any. You did really well at this and I think it's amazing!

emma1045 Comment

emma1045 commented Comment · Feb 5, 2018

Damn!! That was beautiful!!!! The lyrics are amazing. AND YOUR VOICE!!! My gosh, it's so mellifluous. Keep it up!

soundofmind

soundofmind replied · Feb 5, 2018

aw, thank you so much!

Ken95

Review

Ken95 wrote a review Review · Feb 4, 2018

This is great. Voice is amazing. The guitar, wow!

I can relate this to someone seeking inner peace. Trying so hard to figure it out, I mean how to get peace. But you don't understand it. (Once I heard a whisper... But I'll try to hear it better). You see peace but can't have it.

People who seek peace of mind go to natural places. You got closer to nature (water). Peace spoke directly to your ear but your troubled mind still don't get it.

Now you became desperate to get this peace. You're ready to do anything.

You know you can't trust yourself on this one. You wish to know peace. Just like that of the still waters!

Nice piece!

Lumi

Review

Lumi wrote a review Review · Feb 4, 2018

You've gotten so much praise so far, and it's so well-deserved. That said, I'm going to give you more in review form. Just know that the last stanza of verse two is my current lyrical treasure. Into it, though.

This sounds like a veiled spiritual to me--meaning you can take it two ways: about love, or about Love, wherein the performer sings to God. This makes it all very personal, and it feels almost vulnerable for this reason. My first analysis is this: because of this duality you've created, you've allowed the one hearing into your heart and mind; sorta like a meditative state. I'm so appreciative of it all.

Second, there are two instances when I feel like a note should change. This is reflected in the second verse, so maybe four.

As it currently goes, you're looking at "warbled sounds" as

warbled sounds

if you can imagine how the notes follow that pattern--and if you want the exact notes, tell me on discord and I'll grab my bass to follow them. I believe, though, my change would just follow the ascension of a major third chord, possibly augmented because it's been a while. Written like above, it would show:

warbled sounds

And that's literally all I would change about this. Other than the trips on the instrument, this is so, so wonderful and worth being admired.

I hope this helps your deepthinks,
Ty

soundofmind

soundofmind replied · Feb 5, 2018

Thank you so so much, Lumi! And yeah, it is a veiled spiritual ) so I'm glad you caught on to that, haha.

And hmm, I went back and listened back to that part to really hear what you're thinking. So you want me to start at the lowest note (formerly designated to "bled") and go up? I think it works, and now I'm not sure which I like better haha. But I'm also curious as to why you think it'd sound better!

Lumi

Lumi replied · Feb 5, 2018

Likely because it follows a natural melodic path that coincides with how the brain processes sounds. It's the same reason four chord songs are a meme--and work so well--these days. That said, your melody is infallible as it stands; a suggestion is...just that. I love it either way.