Smoke from cigarettes,
So addicting yet I’m not the smoker,
Finding solace in your regret,
I see in your countenance as an onlooker,
I find the smoke swirling with panache,
Leaving your beautiful face with grace.
Smoke from weed,
Tenderly delicious and sweet,
Your kisses have to yet to become as gentle,
Your delightful groping in the darkness,
Is illuminated by the light from your matches,
Your breath is ashen but my love is not.
Smoke from ashes,
Burning pictures and letters,
Your fisted hands with tendons in sparks,
Yet you stand still with restraint,
Denying your agony,
Because, I’m an addiction though not to your harmony.
Smoke from uncertainty,
The future is fog and the past is blurred,
To unclutch me you can’t,
Yet to burn me you can,
I don’t mind these burns,
I’m your light in this darkness.
Smoke from fire crackling at the hearth,
The grey swirls from your mouth still ignite my heart,
Embraces have changed with time into touches,
Your tendons have softened with greying tresses,
With peace by your side and me in your arms,
This smoke just adds to your glittering charm.
Smoke incessant, smoke infinite,
Smoke from my heart breaking within me,
Smoke from your lips speaking of departure,
Smoke from my breath, last breath, last breath,
I’m coming after you gentle, endeared smoker,
I can’t without your smoke mingling with my breath.
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140,171 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey there, this Review Day I've decided to dabble in some poetry! I don't really read or write poetry, so I have no idea what I'm talking about. Instead of trying to critique technique, since I would probably lead you astray, I'll give you my impressions as a reader, and you can decide if it's the desired effect or not
I enjoyed the way it drifted between several different sources of smoke. I understood cigarettes, weed, and fireplace (one of those is not like the others :S). I didn't quite understand the tone/intent of the piece. At first, it seemed like someone getting satisfaction out of another's self-destructive addiction, and watching them waste away. I briefly wondered if the narrator is a non-human thing, like addiction itself. However, it took a different turn towards the end and seemed to be more about love.
In retrospect, it would seem the whole thing could make sense from the perspective of love. The narrator is in love with the smoker, and early on they're young and partying, then later they grow old together and have matured, and now the smoke in their relationship is no longer recreational drugs, but the fireplace in the hearth. The last little bit didn't quite fit into my understanding, because it sounds like the smoker is leaving the narrator, but the section before that made me think they had grown old together.
I had to think about this one! I love the imagery of smoke, though, and I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.
This is very powerful and I enjoyed it immensely.
There are a few things I think you could improve on.
There are a few times where reading it out loud, the sentence does not make sense.
For example "Your kisses have to yet to become as gentle" I think you just added an extra 'to' but still, it is very funky.
Generally speaking, you are pretty consistent with that besides that moment.
I feel like the message is being conveyed and expressed rather well to be honest. I very much like Scribble's interpretation on it,with the person being in love with someone who smokes. It seems very realistic and I appreciate that.
I very much like the words you used because they are words that we don't always have the pleasure of seeing everyday. Thank you for having an extensive vocabulary, it's nice to see.
I enjoy your style and it is very well written.
I think it would be nice to see it separated into stanzas to ease the reader while reading it. Just a suggestion, but I would recommend every time you start a new idea with a new type of smoke.
Very clever addition with using the smoke from uncertainty. At first I was surprised because this is more metaphorical while the rest were literal, but it works, so so so well. It added a lot to this piece and it stood out among the rest of the piece.
Great job on writing this. I look forward to reading more from you in the future!
Continue Writing!
- Cody
Hi, i loved this poem so much. Very contemporary and well written, some very nice adjectives and impressive vocabulary.
The way I interpret it, is that this person clearly has a thing for somebody who smokes, and uses that fact that they do so as a metaphor for the relationship that ensues. I especially like the line "Because, I’m an addiction though not to your harmony." Obviously, smoking is bad for you, so the person is saying, like smoking, i am bad for you. Could it be that the recipient of the poem does not care that the narrator is bad for them, like smokers do not care that a cigarette is one step closer to lung cancer?
Another interpretation i got from this is that the relationship is addictive, like smoking, and also unhealthy, like smoking. Again it seems both the people in this poem do not seem to care. Love is unconditional, maybe? I'm not sure, but this poem is so well written, and you could have hundreds of different interpretations, which is excellent.
If i had to criticize, i would say that sometimes the poems flow is broken, but, like i said in the beginning, it's more of a contemporary poem and you can do what you like.
Overall i really enjoyed it and hope to see more from you.
- Scribble
Thank you Scribble for your constructive review.
It's Beautiful.
Well described !
thank you.
It's Beautiful.
Well described !