Casualty
I’ve come across a curious obsession,
Between truth and reality,
Strange that it has to be my selection,
Can’t choose in this disparity,
Walked miles and passed many years,
Still I’m fragile to shelter me,
But, neither words nor advice I need to overhear,
I’ll feign joy and be another casualty.
_
Paradoxes of new dimensions,
I believe they dwell in me,
I’ve lived in worlds with lone creations,
Made from hypothetic possibilities,
I’ve lived far more than these numbers prove,
I tend my friends with responsibility,
If courage and truth is only approved,
Then decipher the truth from the lies I see.
_
I’ve run from everything, everywhere,
But, I still watch reality,
Where destruction of those for whom I care,
Occur and where I fade in uncertainty,
Yet, here I am breathing queerly well,
Dwelling in worlds with no casualties,
Escaping to where my illusions dwell,
Where my beloved is safely protected by me.
_
All your honest words twist to the lies,
I didn’t want to ever perceive,
It’s not your words that lead to my demise,
But the consequences to which they lead,
I regain the hope that’s rekindled and burns,
Forgetting that this is the place I have been,
The hour-glass begins to gently turn,
As the present resembles to the past I’ve seen.
_
And so this is my escape,
If you’re hurt by how eager I am to leave,
Let me claim that this is my foremost disgrace,
However, burns heal better than bleeds,
I will sooner leave than reveal my craze,
And how all your truths I disbelieve,
All our memories you’ll forget in a daze,
But, in my worlds you’ll still accompany me.
_
I still don’t know what real,
This world where you speak to me,
Or the world in which I feel,
This dearth of insecurity,
In my sweet world you’ll never leave,
In my dark world you’ll never flee,
So instead of confining you in this world,
In my world I choose you as my casualty.
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Viv here to attempt a decent review.
Alright, this is a great poem, beautifully written and well thought out. I may or may not understand the deeper meaning too. I'll just take a moment to point out those nitpick of typos.
1. This line seems a bit awkward or off to me. "Still I'm fragile to shelter me," Was the 'to' supposed to be 'so'?
2. "I will sooner leave than reveal my craze." Considering the narrator is already leaving I think this line is unnecessary. Maybe you could change it to "I refuse to reveal my craze so I leave" or "I leave rather than reveal my craze." But it's your poem, if you feel that conveys it better than by all means.
3. "I still don't know what real," just and 's' in the "what".
(Back to telling you how great your poem is).
Yeah, this is really nice. The whole talk of creating destroying, and abandoning worlds was great, metaphorically. You described the narrator and the world he/she lived in very well. You wording was choice but needed, it fit.
Thanks for sharing with us.
Keep writing.
Hi,
whoa, so long, but beautifully-made.
Every things you conveyed in this poem shined vividly. I think I couldn't find any particular grammatical mistakes, but the usage of punctuations.
When I look at the poem without the words, but only the punctuations, it will become like this:
Sorry for the long post, but I think this would be the best way to show you.
WHY?!
Poetry isn't only about a beautiful formation.
And a formation is made to make the readers more understand of your poem.
The better it flow, the better the poem would be.
Fortunately, this is a really-really easy thing to fix. Try reading your poem out aloud; than put comma/semicolon/full-stop when you are pausing long or you are pausing short or stopping to take a breath. Make this poem flows better.
*****
Your language is superb, but I, sometimes noticed, some words are being forced to be in the poem. Choose the correct words in the correct times. Moreover, like Burrow said, it is somewhat long. Try to make it blunt and clear!
Whoa! I hope you will keep writing. I hope this helped ya!
~ Nicol
whoops
Hey! Burrow here for a review!
Well I love your title I love your idea, and man you use some good words and they are very thoughtfully placed through out this poem.
Thought I find it hard to keep track reading through this poem, personally I really like short and sweat poems, when they are in this kind of writing style, its hard to keep up with yourself reading this, I mean it has great context but maybe if you shortened the paragraphs etc. and made it blunt but amazing if you get what I mean, make people be like wow??
But again that is my personal view, but than again I really do like this poem, and as a writer you have great imagination and much potential, so as always keep writing and never give up on what you love.
4/5
I enjoyed it
Burrow!
thanks