Bright lights don’t make me fly,
Yet, they alone lead me astray,
When darkness arrives,
This joyous feeling goes,
But burns from the heat of the light surface.
_
Bright lights brightly fluctuate,
I try to resist love and embrace hate,
Blinded by the light I always forget,
My scars, my burns to the light so perfect,
The pain only arrives when I realise the darkness.
_
Like a moth in the circle of life and death,
I keep coming, addicted to this rare light,
Shall I freeze my heart and leave my brain awake?
Perhaps then this light wouldn’t evoke,
So deep a lust for happiness and gain.
_
Such bright lights that I sizzle with ache,
So beautiful I drink my venom in wake,
I don’t want to escape this light,
I don’t fear my injury or demise,
So bright is this light that I live to die.
_
Smoke or fog, ashes of regret,
Set fire to my soul brighter than this light,
Maybe now I’ll leave,
Maybe now I’ll fly,
Away from this precious, tender bright light.
_
I don’t want to leave,
But, I want to leave,
I burn not with pleasure but still,
To watch you for longer I’ll bear it till,
My need for living makes me fly away.
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140,171 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey there Kat here to write a review for you
Why did you start rhyming at the end but not the beginning? Just curious . Also, I don't understand the last two lines in the second stanza.
Maybe it would flow better if you change ache to aching and wake to waking ( just a suggestion ). Plus, keeping a more constant rhyme scheme helps keep with the flow , a better flow doesn't distract from what the actual poem but adds to it .
Other than that , this was very VERY good . I always love it when writers compare love to such unusual , yet perfect things. My favorite part was the conflict in the end of leaving and staying showing addiction to love just like the moths addiction to flame even though it can hurt .
Keep it up
~Kat
Hey Shaon!
This is the second piece of yours I'm reviewing, and I loved it. This is such a beautiful poem and I love the way your references are perfect to your subject.
I thought in your last verse for the first two lines instead of:
"I don't want to leave,
But, I want leave,"
You could use:
"I don't want to leave,
But, I have to leave,"
This way the reader isn't confused, unless you were trying to send a different message of then that's fine.
I really do love all your work, and hope for even more in future.
Keep up the good work,
znale1
I really enjoy this piece as well. You are a very well-written poet.
I am going to start a literature class in the fall, and so I am trying to read more poetry as we have a unit that lasts for about 9 weeks all about poetry.
You make it easier to ease my way into reading more poetry more often. It's very nice reading your style. I enjoy it quite a lot.
You broke this one up into stanzas and I appreciate that! Easier on the eyes! Thank you.
I also like the broken rhyming in this piece, because I am totally a sucker for poems that rhyme. It's just super nice to read, especially because it isn't consistent throughout. It adds a certain feel to it, that I cannot quite place but that I absolutely love.
If you are not British, you may have spelled realize wrong. But if you are British, or are using that spelling, you're fine.
I like the tone to this piece and I think it is the strongest part to the piece.
As always, I look forward to reading more stuff from you!
Continue Writing!
-Cody
Thank you once again, Cody. I'm Indian, by the way (our education system follows the British English).