hey shan! I'm back for more <3 let's jump right in, shall we?
He remembered the day clearly as that was the day his wife left him and ran away with some other guy. It didn't hurt Hamstring as he knew it was bound to happen as his appearance wasn't that attractive.
So that last sentence is a little clunky to read (as he knew, as his appearance, y'know?). But then I just wanted to uh, mention it. Marriage isn't just about appearance and stuff? Like, I'd imagine if they married and had a daughter, they must have had some feelings for each other, unless it was arranged or something. I mean, unless Hamstring just assumes she left him because he doesn't think he's attractive. Also, this might just be a sorta unreliable narrator, but if he remembers his wife leaving so vividly, that tells me it did hurt. Unless they were just in that unhappy of a relationship. Either way, I feel like this could have been clarified, or at least had a different reason for Hamstring's wife leaving?
Travis went to the scene after the police left, who concluded it was an act of protest about how careless the police force was in solving the case.
(were in solving the case* ) I...admittedly don't remember if you mentioned this to me or if it was really mentioned, but if it was already brought up in the story, I wouldn't repeat it? We would already know if it had been brought up. You could summarise it if you want to bring up Travis' suspicion (like, "Travis had a hard time believing the final conclusion of Fredrick Damon's death." y'know?)
I don't remember if I mentioned this, but Hamstring, as a former leader of a murder club, seems awful cheerful and compliant with the law poking their noses around in his business. I mean, it's fair enough to believe since it's been a long time but like, he sent people out to murder other people. Has this guy been to jail since then? It seems almost as though he got off the hook?
She ignored them as any sane person would
PATSY PLEASE.
patsy: death threats? pf, an everyday occurence. no need to despair!
came in the form of people knocking on her door at 2 am and harsh words carved on her front door.
Okay, but if people are being hired to knock on her door at 2am...what are they doing? Just trying to wake her up? waving a candlestick around? trying to sell her girl scout cookies? Like, if she's getting all these death threats and stuff...why is nobody trying to kill her?
Also, wouldn't somebody get suspicious if Patsy's door just got carved with really threatening messages? Like, wouldn't somebody be concerned, or report that? For a club of illegal activities, they sure seem to be not great at staying quiet about their affairs.
"Maybe you should stop smoking before you want to die at a young age.
...what? This seems like a mix of "before you die at a young age" and "if you don't want to die at a young age"?
(This retort seems kinda flimsy for how mad Patsy's supposed to be? Like, if I'm mad, I'm gonna be really short and snippy. I don't know about Patsy or anything, but it just seems out of place, and it doesn't really have much impact?)
and towards the velvet red doors that blocked off Hamstring's office
wait, are his doors velvet too?
Okay! So this was a pretty interesting chapter! I still want to bring up the death threat part. I like this as an implement, but I think it could have been incorporated differently? Right now, it doesn't feel as if Patsy is in much danger? Like, okay, death threats are serious, and I'm not trying to discredit them. But they...end there? Like, Chloe made it sound like something terrible would happen to her if she left the club. But here she is, and besides annoyances, she doesn't seem to be in any danger? Maybe I just have to wait, and I get that this would be super irritating to Patsy to live with, but is she really just going to go right back to the place sending her death threats, that she tried to leave, and just...ask them to stop?
I'm still loving Travis! I'm excited to see how he fits in to all this. And Ronnie! Are they gonna work together to try to solve all this? I mean, maybe not. But still! And I'm also curious about that anonymous tip. Was that just a plot device, or was it more?
Okay! That's all I have for you today! I hope that was helpful, and I hope I see more from you If you have any questions, please let me know!!
I hope you're having a lovely day!!
<3
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