The sun shines sharply through the windowpanes as another day dawns open in Phoenix, Arizona. The cars passed by, and kids climbed onto the school buses. A light breeze flutters through the air, and then the weather is all hot and sunny once again. This eight a.m. is just like any other Phoenix morning.
Joshua Johnson’s iPhone, with its shattered screen reflecting the sharp sunlight, buzzes before heading to an unpleasant beep. His hands search through the screen before hitting “snooze”. His eyes are droopy, his hair an entangled mess. Stomping and huffing, he steps ahead in the direction of the bathroom.
He picks up the toothbrush, almost involuntarily, and exerts a great amount of force on the toothpaste tube, and it squirts out on the toothbrush. He rubs the toothbrush in uneven motions across his teeth for a while before barging into the shower. He turns on the cold water, which drizzles down over his body. He comes out of the shower, unamused, and rushes across to his bedroom to pick his outfit for his day.
Of course, he won’t actually pick his outfit, it will just be another shuffle through the wardrobe, and the lucky shirt gets put on. Today, that’s a red flannel. He grabs a pair of pants, gets dressed, and picks his iPhone up, so he can call his friend, Leo, and carpool (and maybe grab an iced latte at the Starbucks on his way to work.) However, the Twitter and Instagram icons grab his attention.
‘There’s no escape. I’ll just check out what’s happening for a second,” he thinks.
He opens Instagram. Derek is vacationing in the Bahamas with his wife and kids. He posts a photo with the dolphins. Michael is out there living the hustle, posting a photo posing with his new, shiny $10,000 setup, with the caption ‘GRIND’ with a bicep emoji. And the second he’d decided to spend on Instagram had devolved into twenty minutes.
‘I should head to work now. I’ll just call up Leo, and get moving..”
He closes Instagram, but then, Twitter stands out to him. He taps on the blue bird,
He sees the first tweet appear.
“KYLIAN RODRIGUES SHOULD HAVE NOT WON THE TIMS!!”
He swipes open the tweet, revealing 205 likes and 36 retweets. He grows frustrated at these strangers talking about this actor living in a mansion in Beverly Hills totally oblivious to whatever he believes as he reads the comments.
‘He should be burnt at stake,’ one angry commenter, JamesXD19 says.
‘Catch this ratio,’ another commenter, with the profile picture of Kylian Rodrigues receiving a Tim award says.
This dogfight slowly but surely boils Joshua’s blood. He can’t tolerate this “slander” of his idol. He breaks out on Twitter. And then he sees the absolute peak of them all —
‘0 Golden Spheres
0 UKAFTA Awards
0 1 bn film
Rodrigues is not even top 500 actors of the decade in my book,’
‘You are so annoying, I sometimes think you should not exist,’ He typed out.
He was about to click ‘Post’, which would fire out this message to basically the entire world. It was him, just a press of a button away. He chewed on this for a moment. Should he post this?
He decided no, and continued on with his day.
You, as well, should choose the NO over the YES. Cyberbullying is not okay. If you are being cyberbullied, you should stand up for yourself, and seek contact at the following channels:
+1-800-273-8255 (USA)
+44-0800-1111 (UK)
Internet addiction is also a common phenomenon, and it is necessary to avoid it. Take breaks regularly and actively. If you don’t feel like using your phone or the internet, don’t use it for some time. Contact your nearest mental health professional if you or somebody you know is experiencing internet addiction, and is unable to cope with such an addiction.
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125,025 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I enjoyed reading this story, which followed a relatable character through a typical morning routine. The portrayal of struggles with social media and the temptation to engage in online arguments were realistic and gave an interesting glimpse into the inner thoughts of the protagonist. The writing was engaging and the plot kept me interested until the end. Overall, this was a well-written and enjoyable story.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Ahh this was a lovely little PSA. Something that honestly seems quite important to be remembered in our current generation and I think you managed to paint a pretty solid picture with this story.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is a fun little start here. Very neutral little moment that seems like the typical day that most people tend to spend in the early morning. I'm excited to see where this one will end up going here. Right now you've done enough to get us slightly intrigued but there's not quite a hook yet.
OOooh even as we do appear to be continuing along in a pretty relaxed pace there in terms of this little morning routine but I love what this little pit stop here for the apps in question indicate. That's our first little sign of something a little more interesting and now I'm excited to see what happens next.
Oooh well I see where this is going especially given the title here. This is a pretty realistic depiction of how that sort of thing tends to pan out. The Instagram section also seems pretty true to how that sort of thing generally tends to go down.
Ahh well this honestly seems like a bit of a water down version of the sheer chaos that tends to unfold over on that particular platform. I love the way you depict this though, this is just so realistic its almost terrifying.
Phew, our friend here did in fact chose the right path after all. Love to see that. It seems we do have ourselves a pretty smart friend right here even if he does get distracted he seems to know what to do.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a lovely little story here with an even more powerful message. I think you paint a rather accurate picture there, on that does in fact help convey that message just that little bit better.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you very much Harry! Your positive reviews are bringing a smile to my day!
hi, this was interesting and i like the meaning behind it! perhaps a little messy, though. cyber bullying is indeed not okay. and i agree with the internet addiction, although i myself suffer from the case. (unfortunately.)
and it is definitely NOT OKAY AT ALL to tell someone they ‘should not exist.’ there is a meaning behind everyone’s existence, and i am glad that he did not send it to that person. even though it’s not real.
besides that, i suggest editing it a bit here and there, but good job!
Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short revieiw!
This was an interesting story and I liked the lesson you have tried to teach us though it. You have used your simple narration to deliver an important message to us, and I liked how even though we followed a single character, the story was never about him or his life and decisions, but the simple lesson you have tried to portray here. It leaves greater impact on the readers that way and delivers the point across in simple terms.
I loved how you have established the scene here. It makes us feel like its just another story without giving us any inclination on what might follow. I like stories that start with scene description as it allows us to perfectly visualize the setting before we head on into the scene. It also establishes the tone and pace of the story and eases us into this new world we are entering, so that we have a buffer before we get instantly tangled up in someone else's story.
Even at this point, I had no idea where the story was going to take us. At that time, I did not think anything of these parts as I thought you were simply familiarizing us with the character, giving us an idea about who he is and what his life is like by giving us a glimpse of his daily routine. However, on my second re-read, this part felt a little unnecessary because by the end, the story does not feel like it is about the character of Joshua. He simply acts like a vessel to carry out an important message to us. Therefore the paragraphs in the beginning describing his daily routine feel a little unnecessary especially as the story has a rushed ending, and the beginning takes up too much space to actually make space for the main content. It is a little confusing as well, because it does not have any real connection to the plot of the story.
However, I did like how you subtly presented his obsession with his phone as he feels the constant need to check on social media. I think this is an urge everyone feels and I liked how realistically you portrayed it. Social media feels quite harmless at times, but if you allow yourself to be carried away, it will consume you. Joshua for example, is a prey of this same thing. I liked the fact that you mentioned the random things he checked out on his phone. The unimportance of these different topics shows how we always get distracted by the little to little things we come across on the internet. I also loved the subtle way you gave us a glimpse of his emotional investment in the content he is reading on the net. He easily engages himself in a war of words over something not even that significant with someone online and I liked how you used it to show that influence of social media on this generation.
I liked how you presented the message of the story through a simple decision made by the character. I liked how you used him as an example that works for anyone else weighed by the influence of social media. However the shortness of this scene does not really create the impact I think you were hoping for. Of course, it carries the message across, but the scene gets over too quickly to actually invest us in what you are trying to say with the character's decision. There is no real introspection, no realization that strikes a chord within the readers. Joshua simply decides not to post the comment and then that is it. Its ends so hurriedly that the readers are left wondering what the story was about. I think if you expand on this part, and focus more on it rather than the beginning with him getting ready for the day, you will create a much stronger effect. You can include the battle of his thoughts, his dilemma and the conflict of his feelings as he decides not to post that comment and lower himself in front of the whole world. If you focus on the magnanimity of his decision, your readers will be bound to feel it along with you.
I did appreciate the inclusion of your personal thoughts at the end. It made it feel like a moral story and delivers the point in short, direct sentences.
Overall, this was a good story. It was rushed at points and the main content was largely overshadowed by the unnecessary beginning. But it has solid potential and I think you will deliver this lesson better once you make some edits and put more focus on the necessary points.
That's all!
Keep writing and have a great day!
Hello! Here for a review.
Okay, I was wondering where this story was going and then once I got to the end... it's not what I was expecting but I also don't think it did what you were hoping to achieve.
The story starts off with a monotonous run through of a guy getting up and ready then checking a very niche thing on the internet, thinking about saying something harsh to someone, and then it cuts to a life lesson.
For a life lesson story, it needs to pack a bit of a punch. To me, this Joshua does not seem addicted to the internet and apps. He just seemed like a normal guy checking his phone before heading to work.
It is even mentioned that the slander being posted on Twitter will most likely never reach the person it is directed at - which seems like a weird path to go down for an anti cyber bullying story.
There wasn't enough build up for the ending to mean anything. A guy was going to post something nasty to a stranger then decided against it. Good for him. But the whole piece lacks anything interesting for it to be a story, and also doesn't escalate into something terrible to be a 'life lesson' story.
Okay, thanks for letting me know. It was kind of hastily put together, this, yes, wasn't what I was expecting. I might revise this and post the fleshed-out version in the future.