Nagpur Football Club Stadium, after game
8-0. Simply shameful for Nagpur FC.
Mumbai's football players celebrated as they won their biggest match against their biggest rivals, without any problem. There was practically no defense from their archrivals, and when they got helpless, Mumbai shot it to the net every single time.
Kalyan Mane was furious. He knew his players had potential. He wanted more from his players. But the players were pressuring themselves, and Mane didn't like that.
Dressing room
Mane led all his players to the old and dusty dressing room.
"The oldest of you guys is twenty-seven, Jeet. But, you, your style of play reflects this room — old and dusty," Mane said.
"I want you to get one thing in your head — we are barely in the MahaFootball Division One. We are going to be relegated after one more loss. If you don't play well, Nagpur will be in the Division Two for the first time," Mane continued.
"Our goal now is to stay in Division One — and get promoted to the IFP Division Two. And then, we have to win Division Two," he said.
"You guys are literally hopeless. Stop being so helpless and cowardly. Start playing football bravely," Mane ended, packing his kit up.
"I will meet you tomorrow for friendlies with Amaravati's juniors side. We have to win the game. Imagine the game as the final of the MahaFootball Division One."
Players at the press conference
"Hopefully I get a transfer. I can't stand this poor, crappy club," Sameer snarked.
"I'm scared for the club," goalie Joy said.
"I don't know. It's so dark. I mean, I was part of the glory days. I don't know why this happened," Jeet said.
Tarekh and Junaid were crying, and refused to answer.
Before the friendlies
"10 rounds of the stadium. Now!" Mane whistled.
Sameer refused to run with the team, instead making a video of his dribbling.
"Hello, good clubs, I'm afraid I'm stuck in this crappy, small town hell club! Please get me transferred. For you, I have a deal — get me for just thirty lakh per year!"
Just as he shot it into the goal, Mane stood ahead of him holding his phone.
"Coach saheb, you're blocking my cam!"
"Never ever come back to the club if you want to say those words about Nagpur FC," Mane scolded.
"But it is true!" Sameer replied.
"It may be true, but you are part of the team. Your job is to fix the club, not badmouth it."
Sameer sulkily put aside his camera, made his hair and then began running.
Friendlies match
The Nagpur players gathered in a circle.
"This is an important game. You are not fighting for a trophy here, you are fighting for Nagpur."
The players nodded as if they understood him.
"Go Nagpur!"
The teenage players of Amaravati were in a circle, and Pablo, their coach, took them under his wing.
"Don't go by their age. This is a loser club. But remember, we have to win. Go Amaretto or whatever."
"But it is Amaravati," a player whispered.
"I don't care. I want you to win against those prickly losers!"
The circles split into their positions. Tarekh was heating up. Despite the players controlling him, he broke through from the defense, and ran with the ball to Dilip, Amaravati's star player.
"Yo, you, how dare you!" Tarekh said, before slapping Dilip.
Dilip grabbed Tarekh's collar and the two began dragging each other down to the ground.
The referee ran, whistled and showed both of them a red card.
They sniped at each other, walking towards their camps. Junaid walked out from Nagpur's camp, while Ashwin walked from the Amaravati camp.
The game continued on till half-time, as Amaravati held possession steadily, but did not shoot that often. For a change, Nagpur’s tackles were much more sharp, and they had recovered slightly from their loss.
The referee blew the half-time whistle.
This was nil to nil. The intensity shot up as players returned to the pitch and the game began once again.
Dribbling through and through, Sameer nearly avoided Ashwin and then dunked it over to the net! GOAL! They had actually scored.
The players rejoiced and got each other up and moving, firing imaginary shots in the air. There would have been no reason to celebrate for NFC in its glory days, but after loss after loss, this was respite.
Joy was still scared. His heart was pounding. His confidence hadn’t improved with the goal.
Ashwin flew past and ther ball landed over on the head of his teammate who bounced it with a cracking header to the goalpost! GOAL! The scores had equalized! The young Amaravati players rush and celebrate.
A few more moments pass. It is a one-all draw.
Getting back to the glory days
Some more games like these go by. In a miracle of resurrection, Nagpur has reached the final. It is a standoff between Mumbai Legacy FC, This decides the winner of the premier league of the state.
The kick-off starts. There’s heated passes, but the ball hits metal and doesn’t land in the area of the goal. There’s passes and shots to the goal.
GOAL! Mumbai fires it. Joy is valiant, and tries to get it away, but he falls trying. The Arena De Mumbai breaks into applause and celebration. It is a one to nil lead for them.
A few more passes. A couple breaks here and there. Nothing of note happens until the 89th minute. All hope is lost.
Then, Sameer comes in flying, tackling it away and shoots it over! GOAL and DRAW!
Many minutes pass, but there is no new goal. Time for penalties.
Penalties
5 penalties each would decide. It is tense in the stadium.
The scoreline stands 4-4. Mumbai has to shoot now.
Joy keeps his eyes firm, pointed to the ball. It is almost in, and Joy slaps it off! SAVE!
Sameer gets ready and fires it through. 5-4! NAGPUR HAVE WON DIVISION ONE! This is a moment of glory as the team rejoices!
All it took was brave, unfettered football.
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125,025 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hey! Forever here with a review!
Title
First and foremost, I really wonder about the title of the piece. If I am not very mistaken, we are talking about a football ball and not a football. I don't see how a footbal itself can be very brave. I would suggest to change it to football team and yes, put an a before it. So, "Resurrection: Tale of a Brave football team"
Continuity
I felt there were some problems with the continuity and flow of the story. Like, this felt kind of those movies where we get to see the game for five minutes and then finally we jump into the result and see the scoreboard. Also we don't get to see most of what happens in the middle of the story. Instead of using bold to indicate the time periods and the locations, you could simply add two or three more lines to the story itself. For example:
Here you could simply write "8-0. It was simply a shameful loss for Nagpur Football Club, or Nagpur FC as people call it." I guess it will help with the flow a bit better.
Also, as I mentioned earlier, we need some details of the happenings between the scenes. Maybe it's going to be longer than what it is now, we need it. Something seems to be missing. One thing which I feel could be included is the practise of the players. Yes, you did include that running thing but only running ten times round a stadium can't make a good football team.
Characters
There was not much character development here(I wanted some though). The only character that stood out to me was the coach of Nagpur FC. He seemed to be a person who was extremely dedicated to the team and loved Nagpur. He honestly seemed to be a bit negative to me but later he proved to be a good coach.
Talking about the other characters, there was this character called Sameer. He was a representative of a player who plays for money and nothing else. He wants victory and money at the same time. I wonder how he won. Like, he did so many goals! And a player with such a mindset can't do that. If there indeed was a change in the midset of Sameer, I would like that to be highlighted ans expounded upon a bit.
Other
This is completely my own opinion and feel free to avoid it. There was this part where we got a view into the team of Amarvati. And very honestly speaking, it was something which I didn't like. It was portrayed as a very negative football team. On one hand, we actually do not need that and on the other hand, if you do want to portray what the people think of Nagpur FC, there are several other ways to do that rather than portraying a football team as such a bad one. Like you can simply make the players of Nagpur FC discuss among themselves what others think of their team. Feel free to avoid it if you like though
Overall, it was a pretty good story and I enjoyed reading it. I love how despite all the failures, Nagpur FC didn't lose hope and eventually won the match.
Keep Writing!!
~Forever
Hi saadamansayyed,
YP here with a short review!
That´s a great introduction with already the most necessary information for a reader.
It was pretty interesting to read work like these.
Not gonna lie I find it a little Unique.
I am not big football fan.
But as a reader I find it had good storyline + satisfied ending.
Just Awesome!!
You did a very good job to keep writing simple. because I find it more writer uses complex words it just makes reader life hard sometimes.
Little good choice of words can make this work more immersive.
It's better to add some environmental factors like for press and match, etc. It can made story thrilling.
It's completely up to you.
Good job!
I liked to read more.
Have fun writing!
Keep writing!
Cheers!,
Thanks! Welcome to YWS, YP17!
Hiya! I hope you are having a good day or night!
I really enjoyed reading this piece of yours. Even though I've never been one for sports, I always really like it when authors explore conflicts relating to football, or any other game. Though I don't understand the technical aspect to this story too well, the themes and characters still hit home!
Can I just say that I also LOVED the final line, with "All it took was a brave, unfettered football." This short little piece of figurative language really drives home the themes of this story, and I really liked it!
The spelling and grammar of this short were all on point, though I did feel the transitions could've been done a little smoother. I'd suggest getting a little more into your characters heads, and showing more than you tell. Consider this; rather than "Joy was still scared. His heart was pounding. His confidence hadn’t improved with the goal." Try instead to describe how the court wavers in front of him. His heart pounding is good, but you could take that a step further. Maybe how his stomach is twisted in knots, or he feels as if he's about to faint. Really buckle down and make your reader feel like they are there beside your character, in that vital moment on the basketball court.
Overall, however, this was a great piece! You had an excellent lead up to a satisfying conclusion, and I enjoyed every minute of it! Keep on writing, and have a wonderful day!
Thanks for the review!