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Sarah's The Kind Dog

by saadamansayyed


THE KIND DOG

This story is adapted from a narration that my seven-year-old younger sister, Sarah, did. The story is edited by me. As such, it is intended for a younger audience than any of the users here. I was a little sick this month, so I decided to give my sister’s story a chance to shine. It is a little shorter and simpler than usual, so, please forgive me and hopefully encourage and appreciate her.

***

Once upon a time, there was a dog. With bushy hair covering it from tail to head, it was the cutest canine one could ever spot. Yet, he was alone, because not many gave him a look, for he was a stray, and not a bred-dog like those in the stores. He was barking one sunny day near the staircase, when he saw something.

A visually-impaired man was trying to climb up the stairs, but he was having some trouble going up the stairs. His guide stick was touching the railings when the dog saw this. After understanding the situation, the dog decided to help the man.

He let out a loud bark. The visually-impaired man was a little startled by this, but, soon, he understood the pattern. The dog barked each time it went on a new stair. This way, the man would climb up a little, then wait for the dog to bark, and again and again and again. The visually-impaired man was delighted, and would have taken the dog home, but he didn’t.

He already had a guide dog — who was sick at the time. He could not support another pet. Sadly but steadily, he departed, as the dog’s barks drowned into the conundrum of the city.

***

This time around, the kind dog was met with a man who could see very well. Not when he was tensed up and in a rush, though. A banker was trying to cross the road, but was concerned with the sharp drop in the market. He had invested thousands of dollars into a certain fund, but that fund had come down crashing. His pacing was involuntary — and then it happened. He collapsed on the road. He lay unconscious on the ground.

A car would have trampled over him, for it was speeding. The dog pushed the man aside and began barking, signaling the fact that the man was unconscious. The dog was successful, but he got injured in the ensuing stampede.

A few minutes later, a group of kids had the dog rushed to a vet’s clinic. His feet were broken, his skin scraped up. The kids, however, couldn’t pay for treatment a large amount. Yet, the kind actions of the little dog paid off.

At the reception, two unknown men came. A visually-impaired man by the name of John Bennett and an investor-banker by the name of Suneo Tanaka both came in, signed a check worth all the money needed, and quietly went away. Many days later, Suneo Tanaka decided to adopt the kind dog — giving himself a furry companion he could ease the stress with.

THE END. 


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Mon Apr 18, 2022 10:52 pm
PaigeFantasy wrote a review...



hi! beautiful and meaningful work! your sister did a great job! and good job editing. :)
it shows a message of kindness, and i like that. it reminds me of Marley And Me in a way…a human and a dog.
i hope your sister becomes a better writer someday. good luck to her if she does! i suggest more visual in this piece of writing though, i didn’t exactly get a picture in my head.
i love the writing!




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Fri Feb 04, 2022 12:04 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

I am not very sure about whom I should address in this case, I guess I will address both of you accordingly or something in the review. And also, I am not going to be very critical.

The fact that this story idea came from the mind of a seven year child is very impressive. I really liked the simplicity of the story and the moral it manages to teach to people. Its simplicity actually makes it more engaging than it would have been without it.

The dog definitely seems to be a very very kind dog and more importantly, a dog who is completely selfless. DEspite the fact that the dog was ignored by everyone and no one cared about it, it went on to move the people who it thought should be helped. Well, I feel pity for the dog. It helped the man but he couldn't take it in. In my opinion, he could have taken it in because as it was a stray dog, it5 was quite habituated with all sorts of bad conditions. Anyway, nothing was to be done. Sarah had a very good idea of making the two people of opposite nature. I really liked the fact that the people were of opposed nature but the same dog went to help them out in their problems. Wow, this story also managed to signify the simplicity of children. It's actually great how the children were the ones to take the dog to a vet and not the adults. However, we can see the kindness of adults too. The co-incident at the end was a superb one. The dog, finally is going to have a good companion and live a bit more peacefully than before.

Sarah, you have a great writer inside you. I hope you will keep writing and I expect to get many more wonderful stories from you. There are a few things which I would like to point out to you. It really helps to insert one or two descriptions in the text. I already see that you have managed to give a great description of the dog. I would suggest to add or two like that in the case of other characters too. Like how did the stick of the visually-impaired man look? a stick of metal or a stick of wood?


Saadamansayyed, one thing I would like to say is the inclusion of the name 'Sarah" in the co-author section. I am not sure if Sarah has a profile on YWS or not but I don't think the profile linked(which was created in 2005) belongs to Sarah. I don't think we can include people in co-authors who don't have any profile on YWS. To avoid confusion and misconception, remove the name from co-author and just write it in the work itself as you have already done. Forgive me if I am wrong in this.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever






Ok, thanks!



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Fri Feb 04, 2022 2:17 am
Marshall2 wrote a review...



Hello, saadamansayyed!
I really like this story. It is really really interesting and good especially for your 7 year old sister. I like how the dog is a stay but it likes help people in need. The only thing is that it could use a little bit more detail.

This time around, the kind dog was met with a man who could see very well. Not when he was tensed up and in a rush, though. A banker was trying to cross the road, but was concerned with the sharp drop in the market. He had invested thousands of dollars into a certain fund, but that fund had come down crashing. His pacing was involuntary — and then it happened. He collapsed on the road. He lay unconscious on the ground.

I really like how changed the person to a person that can see very well. At first, it made me wonder what was going to happen to a person that can already see perfectly fine, so i thought it was really good.

Many days later, Suneo Tanaka decided to adopt the kind dog — giving himself a furry companion he could ease the stress with.

At the end, the dog gets saved and then gets adopted very suddenly. I think this would be a little bit better if you stretched out the ending and slowed it down a little bit more.

However, I understand that your 7 year old sister wrote this, so it is a little bit shorter and simpler. I hope you and your continue to write stories like this one!






Thanks



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Thu Feb 03, 2022 6:12 pm
TheRebel2007 wrote a review...



Hello, Rebel here with a short review!

This is an adorable short story, especially when you said that it has been written by a seven-year-old, which makes it incredibly more commendable. Sure, it's short and lacks any complexity or a proper conventional plot - but I guess that is what makes it even more adorable and interesting. You could have described it a bit more though, unless all of it was dictated by your daughter - which, honestly, makes it even more awesome. To be honest, my favourite part of the story was when the group of kids rushed a stray dog to a vet, it is kind of them, and really unusual, but still acceptable. Although this could have been described a bit more, I loved this story, it's simply adorable. :p




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Mon Jan 31, 2022 8:06 pm
Stellarjay wrote a review...



Hello saadamansayyed,
I hope you are having a lovely day or night

Roses

This story was incredibly cute! I love how, even though the dog was stray and cast out he decided to help the two men. And then how all the strings were tied at the end with the two men paying for the dog’s treatment. The conclusion was so sweet! It also allows for more stories to be written after this one without any awkwardness.

Buds


I’ll first focus on grammar and the like.
because not many gave him a look

Just some awkward wording here. Maybe change it to not many gave him attention

not a bred-dog like those

You might be able to add more impact if you said “not a special[i] bred-dog”.

it went on a new stair.

I think you meant [i]”he
went on a new stair”.

for it was speeding.

It might be better to say, ”because it was speeding”.

the ensuing stampede.

Stampede of what? People, cars, rats?

for treatment a large amount.

Just some awkward wording here. It might be better to write it as “couldn’t pay for the expensive treatment.”

Now I’ll focus on changes for the overall story.
One change that could really enhance the story is to add imagery. Expanding on where the dog lives and on the scenes in general can help the reader get engaged in the story. It also can add more depth and meaning to the story as well! In adding imagery, I like to ask myself questions such as: what city does this story take place in? What’s the weather like? What do the buildings and people look like? Is the place filled with foliage or do buildings take up all the space?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Overall this was such a cute story! It was simple and sweet. All you need to work on is your wording and imagery. But the plot and overall flow of the story was excellent. As always I hope this review was helpful! Keep on writing and have a great rest of your day!
Stellarjay






Thank you so much! Note that my seven-year-old sister is the one writing this, and I just edited this.




attempting foot extraction
— Mea