Young Writers Society

E - Everyone

Still want me too

by roxyask

I miss you. I miss you and I want you to come back. I say I don't but I do. It still hurts. I want to tell you, yell it, so that you know that I still love you. But I am scared of the rejection. I'm scared of the silence that might ensue if I tell you I love you. The silence that tells me you don't love me anymore. The silence that will only make the pain worse and the tears come back. The pain that I can' t breath through. That makes me numb, devoid from all feeling but the pain.

I miss you and i want you to miss me too. I want you to hold me in your arms once more. I want you to be brave enough to admitt that you were wrong. Brave enough to say that you miss me. That you still love me. That you listen to our song and hurt because I amn't there to whisper the lyrics that we made our own into your ear. I want you to still love me.

I have dreams that you are still here, only they turn into nightmares during waking hours. When I sleep, you're still here. I can still stand on my tiptoes and kiss you. I can still feel the safety of your arms around me. I want to feel securely vulnerable with you.

I don't want to miss you anymore. I don't want to be too scared to tell you. But I am

I miss you.

I want you.

I love you.

Still want me too.

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29 Reviews

Points: 1147
Reviews: 29

Sat May 11, 2013 7:59 am
recycledsoul wrote a review...

wow! :) this is gonna be something close to my heart. The most relatable read I have had over here. Even though I am a guy and I am not supposed to relate with something so emotional :P I read it once just thinking about posting a review, but the I read it again, every line, with more attention and I could feel the emotions oozing out from it. That is maybe because you have hardly cared for any elaborate punctuation or wordplay and you've simply poured it all out with the flow. I think I have read two of your works now, the other one was a dark poem "war of all against all" if I recall correctly. I must follow you. You have a way with words. I am certainly looking forward to more from you. Cheers :)

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6 Reviews

Points: 833
Reviews: 6

Tue May 07, 2013 4:15 am
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ktarantino says...

These verses are filled with such great emotion; they scream out to the reader the pain and suffering of an end to any relationship! Great job capturing this emotion and getting it down.

One thing I might suggest is lose some of the repetitiveness throughout. There are only so many times that saying "I miss you" or "I love you" can hold much weight. While they are very heavy words, they also take some backing to be powerful and not sound cliche. What do you miss? What do you love? What caused the pain? Instead of giving generic sounding cliches and generalizations beef it up with real details, details that make this one of a kind--like the song you mentioned. I thought that was great. Pour out some of the lyrics!

I enjoyed reading through this. You express a lovely sense of emotion here, again!

roxyask says...

Thanks for the review! On reading your review i have to day I agree with what you say! Thank you! :)

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213 Reviews

Points: 150
Reviews: 213

Mon May 06, 2013 8:13 pm
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dark wrote a review...

Wow. Just perfect. 10/10 for you, My Dear. You have excellent vocabulary here and the way the words blend & flow together really contributes to this. I feel this story is really sweet and lovely. I imagine you are an amiable person, Roxyask.

roxyask says...

Awe thank you so much, that means a lot :)

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9 Reviews

Points: 543
Reviews: 9

Sun May 05, 2013 10:59 pm
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Peliz wrote a review...

Hey roxyask!

I got this straight to my heart. This made me relive something I thought it was over and I can relate to every sentence of this. As a writer you accomplished to transpire emotion through words.

At first I thought the ''I miss you'' were going to be annoying but they did not. May I suggest only that you check your punctuation? It's the only issue I would see here --and it only takes a few minutes-- but aside from that I think this is brilliant.

Keep on coming the good work and happy writing! Onward!

roxyask says...

First off thank you! I hope the reliving wasnt too painful!
Secondly I'll defintely look throught the punctuation! :)
Thanks again! :)

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Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Sun May 05, 2013 11:57 am
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Wow, that's great! :) Very realistic and it really captures the feelings of the narrator. Great job!!

roxyask says...

Thank you!! :D

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Points: 633
Reviews: 4

Sun May 05, 2013 11:36 am
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YOLBYI wrote a review...

Hey there,
This is a beautiful and emotional peice of writing.
I really liked it, the concept is very relatable and realistic.
I think that nothing hurts as much as missing someone, and not knowing if they miss you too.

"The silence that tells me you don't love me anymore"

A simple line, but to me this conveys meaning. To me it painted a picture of a helpless girl continuously waiting for some form of acknowledgement from her ex, just something to assure her that she still exists-to him anyway. But most of all a reason, i think she wants a good strong reason why things went wrong.

You use repetition alot, for instance

'I miss you'

This has been used several times, to reflect the whole idea of the piece. And i quite like it, because since it is scattered throughout from beginning to end, it kind of shows that even as time goes by, the feelings of missing the person are still evident, and it will take more than time for them to go away.

All in all, i enjoyed it, keep it up:)


roxyask says...

Thank you very much! :) and you got me in one! :)

I feel like it will be absolute hotdog water, but oh well. It's just a draft.
— Charm