Did I do it? Was it me? I can’t remember. But they are saying I did it. They say they have the evidence. But I can’t remember.
Have I seen this girl? Yes I have. Long brown hair, 5 foot 6, blue eyes. She was wearing a black leather jacket and dark blue jeans. But, isn’t that what they told me? Didn’t they say that on the news? If you asked anyone, isn’t that what they would say? They had posters of her everywhere. Everyone knows what she looks like now. So everyone has seen her. But did I see her that night? Or am I just conjuring up that image of her because that was what I was told? I can’t remember.
Those blue eyes. I have seen those blue eyes before. They are light blue with dark blue speckled through them. I saw those eyes. Or did you ask me did I? Maybe I didn’t. Maybe I remember it because I was told to remember it. Now that I think of it I can’t remember where I saw those blue eyes before. I have a picture of them in my head, but were they there that night? I can’t remember.
My finger prints. They say my finger prints were on her clothing. I look at my hands. Did I grab her? Did these hands hurt her? They said they did. They said that these two things that I use every day for mundane jobs, innocent jobs, that it’s their fault. They are innocent no more. I look at my hands again. My hands. Are they guilty? Maybe they are. But aren’t my hand prints ever where? I was dancing. Her hand prints are on my top too. But isn’t every one else’s? Are my hands the only one on her? Was I the only one to touch her? Did I touch her? Was I near her? I can’t remember.
People said they saw it, that they were there when it happened. But they didn’t stop it happening. They say they couldn’t have stopped it happening. Why couldn’t they? Did they just stand there? Why can’t I remember seeing it? I mean, seemingly I did it. So why don’t I remember? What are they saying they remember? They say they remember her. Her hair, her eyes, her jacket. They don’t know her, but they remember her. Are they sure? Are they just remembering the information they were told? If the news said she had blond hair, would they remember her with blond hair? They say they recognise me. But don’t you also say you recognise an old distant relative? Do they recognise me? Or are they recognising me because someone said I did it?
They say I did it. They say they have the evidence.
Did I kill her?
I can’t remember.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,441 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Hi, Roxy!
This was a very interesting piece. I don't recall reading many like it, so kudos for originality. It also turned out very cool! I love how it started out so mysteriously, but it made sense by the end. A sort of puzzle to solve as you read, and I love my puzzles! (Though I did solve this one by the hand paragraph.)
I thought the voice came through extremely well here, and that's really a significant part to this piece. Without the voice, I wouldn't really care about it. So that definitely helped it out a lot. Well done!
One thing I still don't know about is what actually happened, and that's probably an okay thing. I can't tell if the person was drunk (or completely smashed xD) or has a split personality or is, in fact, innocent. Now, it doesn't have to be mentioned in the piece. In fact, mystery is half of the freaking fun with these pieces! I think it would be cool to insert an adjective here or noun there as the tiniest of clues -- but only if it works out!
Part of me found the repetition obnoxious and the other part of me decided people with memory loss can get annoying, too. xD Now that I think about it more, I'm extremely partial to the split personality theory.... Anyway! So maybe trim down on the questions that are repeated like ten times. (Exaggeration -- no worries.)
I did like how the voice drew connections between everything. You just did so well with the character's point of view. *applauds* I hope I read more pieces from you! I'm quite impressed.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Hey Jabber!
Thank you first off!
I'm kinda glad youre split over this, it means it has got you thinking!!
Thanks again!
--Roxy
Hello there, Roxy! 8D
Here I am again to review! *hands Roxy an awesome cookie*
I want to start off with saying that you really have talent as a writer! =D I enjoy reading your work a lot and it keeps me interested 'til the end. =)
And let's first look at the few nitpicks before I start babbling about why I love it. =)
The bold part should be: "everywhere".
Personally, I think this would sound better if you add "from" in front of "happening". But maybe that's just me. =)
Now that is quite a lot of remembering! XD I had a little trouble reading this part because of the repetition of 'remember'. I think it would be better if you tried to avoid a few of them. =)
And now over to the babbling!
I have always really liked these kind of stories and you didn't disappoint me, so great job on that! 8D
When reading this, I could really feel the confusion and insecurity of the narrator and could imagine how frustrating it must be to not be able to remember or know whether or not you're guilty of killing someone.
The questions he keeps asking himself really adds to this piece (I am assuming it's a him, though I might be awfully wrong XD).
This was a really good write and pfff, the end was totally an awesome way to end it! =D
Thank you for sharing this with us and hope I helped a little!
-qaralynn-
I'll get those fixed asap!! ^^
I think its a him too, so youre grand! And thank you!! ^^
Thanks for reviewing!!