I miss you. I miss you and I want you to come back. I say I don't but I do. It still hurts. I want to tell you, yell it, so that you know that I still love you. But the words never come out. I open my mouth and nothing comes out and it hurts, because I am scared of the rejection. I am scared of the silence that might ensue if I tell you I love you. The silence that tells me you don't love me anymore. The silence that will only make the pain worse and the tears come back. The pain that I can't breathe through. That makes me numb, devoid from all feeling but the pain.
I miss you teasing me about my height and then lifting me up to kiss. Our constantly building lists of things to do together, as we fell asleep on the couch, my body on top of yours. I miss you playing my song on your guitar and getting lost in the music. I miss the way you allowed me to relax around you. The touch of your hand as it ran down my spine and that look you gave me to tell me how much you wanted and loved me.
I miss you and I want you to miss me too. I want you to hold me in your arms one more. I want you to be brave enough to admit that you were wrong. Brave enough to say that you miss me too . That you still love me. That you listen to our song and hurt because I’m not there to whisper the lyrics that we made our own into your ear.That you miss me wearing your oversized hoodies when I feel cold and that you miss us being together. I want you to still love me.
I have dreams that you are still here, only they turn into nightmares during waking hours. When I sleep, you're still here. I can still stand on my tiptoes and kiss you. I can hear the songs that were once our songs. I can still feel the safety of your arms around me. I still feel the shiver as your fingers trace my spine and your hot breath in my ear.
I want to feel securely vulnerable with you. I don't want to miss you anymore. I don't want to be too scared to tell you. But I am.
I miss you.
I want you.
I love you.
I miss us.