Young Writers Society


12+ Mature Content

I miss us

by roxyask


I miss you. I miss you and I want you to come back. I say I don't but I do. It still hurts. I want to tell you, yell it, so that you know that I still love you. But the words never come out. I open my mouth and nothing comes out and it hurts, because I am scared of the rejection. I am scared of the silence that might ensue if I tell you I love you. The silence that tells me you don't love me anymore. The silence that will only make the pain worse and the tears come back. The pain that I can't breathe through. That makes me numb, devoid from all feeling but the pain.

I miss you teasing me about my height and then lifting me up to kiss. Our constantly building lists of things to do together, as we fell asleep on the couch, my body on top of yours. I miss you playing my song on your guitar and getting lost in the music. I miss the way you allowed me to relax around you. The touch of your hand as it ran down my spine and that look you gave me to tell me how much you wanted and loved me.

I miss you and I want you to miss me too. I want you to hold me in your arms one more. I want you to be brave enough to admit that you were wrong. Brave enough to say that you miss me too . That you still love me. That you listen to our song and hurt because I’m not there to whisper the lyrics that we made our own into your ear.That you miss me wearing your oversized hoodies when I feel cold and that you miss us being together. I want you to still love me.

I have dreams that you are still here, only they turn into nightmares during waking hours. When I sleep, you're still here. I can still stand on my tiptoes and kiss you. I can hear the songs that were once our songs. I can still feel the safety of your arms around me. I still feel the shiver as your fingers trace my spine and your hot breath in my ear.

I want to feel securely vulnerable with you. I don't want to miss you anymore. I don't want to be too scared to tell you. But I am.

I miss you.

I want you.

I love you.

I miss us.

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152 Reviews

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Thu May 09, 2013 6:33 pm
ChimeraMania wrote a review...



'because I amscared of the rejection.'
'because I'm scared of the rejection.' or 'because I am scared of the rejection.'

'ensueif '
'ensure if'

'I miss you playing my song your guitar and getting lost in the music.'
'I miss you playing my song on your guitar and getting lost in the music.'

'I have dreams that you are still here, only they turn into nightmares during waking hours. When I sleep, you're still here. '
You should switch these two sentences around.

Okay so since you put this under other I have to rule out that its a poem. Even tough it should be because it has poetic feel to it. I really like it all the same though and kind of wish you put it under poetry.




roxyask says...


hello!
I think I got most of the errors!
I'll think about moving it so!
Thanks for the review! :)



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Thu May 09, 2013 6:29 pm
Repose wrote a review...



Miss Roxyask;

Ah, hello again, my dear! Overall, it was good. There were some normal errors such as:

"because Iam scared of the rejection"
- Iam should be 'I am'

"might ensure if I tell you I love you"
- ensueif should be 'ensue if'

"securely vulnerable with you"
- Did you mean to contradict yourself, it looked intentional, but I had to ask.

"Still want me too"
- That ending doesn't make much sense to me the way I read it. Maybe you meant 'Do you still want me too?' or 'I still want you too.' Or maybe I misread it.

Those were just the things I saw. As for the conceptual side of the spectrum: it seemed very ordinary - like something I've read before. I didn't feel much personal 'flavor' in it, but maybe I just don't understand what you're trying to get across beside the fact that the narrator loves this person. Love is definitely overused, I feel.

I apologize if I offended you in anyway, but I can assure you, you are a brilliant writer! Keep up the writing, I look forward to reading more from you!




roxyask says...


Hello Repose!
I think I got most of the gramatical errors!
At "securely vulnerable with you"its an intentional contradiction, I meant it as in when you feel so safe with someone you let down all your walls and leave yourself vulnerable to them.
The reason I wrote this is to express what i want to say without telling them, a way for my emotions to escape!
I'll try and do a bit more editing to switch my words up so! :)
No offence caused! I appreciate honest critiques! :) And thank you! :)




It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats—the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill —The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it—and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another.
— JRR Tolkien