Hopelessly Gone

Hello! I like the overall effect the poem has. The way the stanzas are divided irregularly creates a sense of uncertainty, while the fact that the last stanza is only two sentences long really conveys the feeling of resignation.

I like some of the expressions you use, such as "white linen stained beyond belief". I interpreted this detail as referencing how deeply this person has impacted the POV character's life.

However, I feel that you could improve a few of the metaphors used:

1. "A river, rushing over the rocks that are my life."
A river implies something that is volatile and constantly changing, whereas rocks imply something stable. Since you mention that person "knows what to do", I think it would be better to portray them as the constant, stable part of this metaphor: the rocks.
For example: "A bed of rocks, sturdy under the rushing torrent of my life."

2. You write "no light can stop a shadow", but you compare the person lost to a shadow in the previous stanzas. I think you're trying to say that nothing can stop the pain of losing this person, but instead, this phrase says that the person cannot be stopped by "light". It might be better to write something like: "No light can find a shadow."

3. You write "no many pillows in the world" - but I think you mean "no number of pillows can fill the empty space . . . "

4. This last one might be a bit nitpicky, but there are microphones out there that can record whispers . . . That probably wouldn't bother a lot of readers - it's just something I noticed.

Again, I really loved those last two lines. I hope this is helpful!

Hi there @riles I am here to do a Review on your poem.
Ports I like about this.
Piercing the perfection, I like this line coos it just feels like this person is trying to piercing the Perfection here like you have said.

Ports I'm not shore about.
Broken bottles fill the sheets, okay this needs a bit of work like describe it a bit better, for right now it is a bit confusing to me.
White linen stained beyond belief, I don't really get this bit, it needs more description I think.
Who cares? It doesn’t matter, why docent it care it is a bit confusing to me.
What matters is the empty space you left behind, this is a bit weird to me it needs a bit of work, a bit more description and feeling to it.
Giving my hands nothing to touch, nothing to hold, I think that this is messing a word, like you, also an and.
And now you’re gone, you shouldedent really say the same thing twice in a poem, unless you absalootly have to do it.
A river, rushing over the rocks that are my life, I think this needs a bit of work, a bit more words to it, I cant think of eney words right now but I am shore that if you think about it for long a nove then you will get what you need.
When your life is unraveling as quickly as a ball of yarn, what do you do? I don't get the word yarn I have never heard of that word before really.
(Ps: the dots, don't get this bit. the rest is all good, so keep up on the good work.
@EagleFly out to seek and kill