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Young Writers Society



Disneyland Disaster

by riles


It was a bleak, dreary day at the Portland Airport. The weather decided it didn't want to match the mood in my car, which was filled to the brim with an excited energy. My best friends and I sat squished together in the back seat, smiling brighter than the California sun. We were going to Disneyland together! “Lexi!” My mom called to me.

“Yeah?” I answered her questioningly.

“Did you remember to pack your sunscreen?” She asked me accusingly.

“Yep,” I replied, bored.

“Brooke, Brynn, did you guys pack sunscreen?” She asked the two girls sitting beside me.

“Yes Mrs. Lee,” They chimed together in perfect unison. My mom smiled and nodded, satisfied with our packing abilities. I rolled my eyes at the girls. I loved my mom, but she sometimes cared a little too much about unimportant things. Our car rolled to a stop and we all tumbled out the door. We grabbed our suitcases by the handles and marched towards the airports revolving doors. We headed inside and checked our bags. As we walked towards security I gazed at the vastness of the airport and all the people inside. I shrank back a little, intimidated. Brynn smiled at me and grabbed my hand. “C’mon Lexi, it'll be okay,” She said kindly. I squeezed her hand gratefully. We approached the long security line and unwillingly got in line. I took a deep breath-everything was going to be okay. The wait in line passed by slower than snail mail. “Does it always take this long?” I asked curiously.

“Kind of, but since it's the first day of Thanksgiving break its extra long,” my mom told me. I sighed.

We finally got through the security line smoothly. I exhaled in relief. “Hey Mrs. Lee, can we go get Starbucks?” Brooke asked hopefully.

“That's a great idea!” Mom exclaimed. We made our way over to the Starbucks and got our drinks. Mom pointed the way to our gate and we walked over to it. We were only there for a short time before it was time to board the plane. I followed behind Brooke, Brynn and my mom nervously. I copied their every move and made it onto the plane without incident. Brooke smiled encouragingly at me as I tried to ignore the seemingly endless mile of people boarding the plane. That was one hurdle I could check off the list.

Two hours later our plane touched down in California. “This is going to be the best Thanksgiving break ever!!” Brynn cheered as we departed the plane. The warm sunshine washed over me like waves onto the beach. “Disneyland here we come!” Brooke exclaimed. I smiled at both of them, grateful they were here. We walked through the airport, grabbing our bags and exiting through the doors. Mom hailed a taxi and we squished inside. Almost the same as this morning, except this time the weather outside decided to cooperate. We arrived at our hotel, and checked into our rooms. The view was stunning- downtown Anaheim to the left and Space Mountain to the right. It was a picture perfect setting to fall asleep too… which is exactly what we did.

The next morning, I woke up with a sudden start. Suddenly, a smile spread across my face. Disneyland day! I jumped out of bed and ran to Brooke and Brynn's bed. I shook them awake, reminding them that it was Disney day. They jumped out of bed and we all giggled. That may have been a bit excessive. My mom woke up and walked over to say hello. “Come on girls, get dressed! And don't forget sunscreen!” She called as we went to our suitcases. Brynn rolled her eyes and Brooke and I giggled. I grabbed my cute outfit, and the crowning jewel- rose gold Mickey Mouse ears. I was stoked. After we all dressed, we walked out our hotels door and across the street to the park entrance.

The sparkling light of sun and steel blinded me as we swiped our tickets and walked inside. “Wow,” Brooke breathed in amazement. The sounds of children laughing spun around and enveloped me as the sweet scent of cinnamon churros filled my nose. Brynn, Brooke and I grabbed hands and ran off towards the castle, laughing the whole time. We posed for a couple pictures, and then turned our attention to deciding what to do next. “I'm going to go to some shops. Will you guys be okay by yourself?” Mom asked us.

“Of course!” Brynn answered. After my mom had walked away, Brynn looked at us and smiled. “Can you believe it? We’re all alone in Disneyland!” She exclaimed. I couldn't believe it. I never thought we would be alone. At least I was with my friends.

Brooke grabbed a guide map and we huddled around it, trying to stay out of the way of the masses of people. “Oooh, Space Mountain! Indiana Jones!” Brynn exclaimed.

“Let's go on California Screamin!” Brooke exclaimed.

“Um guys? Aren't...uh… aren't those the big roller coasters?” I asked nervously. My heart started pounding and I was suddenly filled with fear.

“I know you don't like roller coasters, so do you mind if Brooke and I go off by ourselves for a little while? We don't want to force you to go on roller coasters?” Brynn asked me hopefully. I looked at her face and didn't have the heart to crush those excited eyes. “Yeah, of course,” I said, my voice only shaking a little bit. “Thanks!” Brooke exclaimed. She grabbed Brynns hand and off they went. I stood there, a small island in a sea of organized chaos. I stumbled to a nearby bench and sat down with my head in my hands.

I was alone… in Disneyland. Surrounded by hundreds if not thousands of people. Was this really happening? I wasn't good at handling crowds by myself. I felt like a fish out of water. I looked up, trying to hide the nervousness from my face. I had literally no idea of what to do. Maybe I should just go find my mom. I looked up slowly, straight into a sea of people. Nope, scratch that idea. I should try to find somewhere where I can just be alone, instead of on this stupid bench in the heart of the park. I stood up, trying to avoid as many people as possible. I walked, following the flow of the people so I didn't have to cut my way through. It seemed like with every passing second the number of people around me doubled.

After what felt like a million minutes, I saw a big empty space of land. I quickly walked towards it and realized it was actually the line for a ride. I took a step back and almost crashed into the crowds streaming by me. I only had two choices- step into the calm and empty line, or head back into the crowd. I made up my mind pretty quickly and headed into the line. It was calm, and I could stand by myself without worrying about the people around me.

I stepped off the ride at the end, and was shocked with a growing realization. I… had fun. I had fun, and I was by myself. Was it possible? Apparently so. I walked forward and with each step my confidence grew more and more. I quickly discovered the joys of the Single Rider line. It was so convenient! I walked around the park, laughing and having an amazing time. I went on ride after ride… but no roller coasters! During the heat of midday, I decided to grab an ice cream bar. I walked over to a bench and sat down, the cool metal burning my skin in the heat.

As I ate my ice cream, two shadows grew over me. I looked up, momentarily terrified. I quickly relaxed when I saw the familiar faces of my friends. I had been having so much fun I hardly remembered they were here. “Hey! Did you guys have fun?” I asked curiously. They looked at each other, and then back at me. “Yeah but… we missed you!” Brynn said smiling. Brooke nodded in agreement. I laughed aloud. “Hey, I missed you guys too.” I said. I stood up and all three of us linked arms. We walked off, disappearing into the crowd.

So, that trip was insanely fun. I’ll never forget that day at Disneyland. I realized that being alone isn't the end of the world, and you don't need your friends to have a good time.  


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212 Reviews


Points: 575
Reviews: 212

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Sun Apr 22, 2018 7:28 pm
EverLight wrote a review...



Please feel free to ignore my advice it is not meant to offend you hurt you or make your story seem bad or demean it. Regardless of what I have previosuly stated brace your self for impact. That said . . .

1. What I liked
I liked how fun this story was, and it was amusing, and how well written it was.

2. Word usage
Okay maybe you did use an awefull lot of ly words after said. As E.B White and Struck JR. Say said is fine by it'self and as long as you know whose speaking you don't even have to add she said or what ever the case. For example

“Yeah?” I answered her questioningly.

“Did you remember to pack your sunscreen?” She asked me accusingly.

“Yep,” I replied, bored.

“Brooke, Brynn, did you guys pack sunscreen?” She asked the two girls sitting beside me.

You can take out questioningly, and accusingly-actually I'd try taking out that asked me accusingly. We know it's her mother after all. Exclaimed is also over used.

3. Emotion
Alright I think this would be better if you pay more attention to describing your or whoever I'' is excitment. Give it a shot and see what happens.

4. Encouragment
This was well written! Amazing work! Keep it up!

5. Overall
Overall this was good. It was a fun read! :)




riles says...


Thanks for this kind and helpful review! I do struggle quite a bit with word choice in this type of fiction, and in writing dialogue so I greatly appreciate your advice!



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Points: 290
Reviews: 1

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Fri Apr 20, 2018 4:21 pm
WriterGina wrote a review...



Hi there :)

I just wanted to start off by letting you know that this was well written, so good job! Now, just a few corrections:

"“Yeah?” I answered her questioningly.

“Did you remember to pack your sunscreen?” She asked me accusingly.

“Yep,” I replied, bored."---So in this section you used a lot of adverbs with ly. In fact, you used too many. Questioningly, accusingly...this pattern of speech seems unprofessional and like you were trying to fill space. It may make readers disinterested because it just doesn't sound right. Instead try using more unique words. You can find tons of different boards on pintrest detailing different words to use in place of those you provided. Check them out :)

"The next morning, I woke up with a sudden start. Suddenly, a smile spread across my face."---the use of "sudden" is really repetitive Try thinking of another word.

Overall, I liked this story. Keep up the good work :)

Happy Writing
~Gina




riles says...


Thanks so much for this kind review! Word choice is an area I really struggle with, so I appreciate your kind advice. I will be sure to try out your suggestions!




The true adventurer goes forth aimless and uncalculating to meet and greet unknown fate.
— O. Henry (William Sydney Porter)