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138,873 Literary Works • 672,370 Reviews
Hello Rainforest,
First, I would say I love the background; it fits immaculately and creates a complete feel to this poem with the colors immersed inside the words.
"Yesterday I walked through a cemetery barefoot.
With every step,
My body becomes unified with gravity,
who anchors me.
The grass poking my toes,
connects me even further
to this land.
She is calling."
Walking through Death's ground, her peaceful place, hearing her voice call out to you, but the ground itself refuses to let you go, even in Death's protective domain. The grass binds you to what stays green, allowing you to only hear her presence within, for it is not a gift you're graced with yet.
"Death is a gift;
a devoted, peaceful return to the mother,
who holds you safely in her sovereignty,
protected from an upside-down underworld
that has engulfed humanity."
An upside-down underworld...Death at this time and place is a gift, a gift of peace, a gift with no burden, no sound, no ache, no pain, and no anguish—a peaceful place, held in a sovereignty of your inevitable choosing. Death's embrace may be cold, but it is the saving grace from hell on earth. Perhaps that is why she is deemed cold; for life is fire, born from the light.
"Today I looked up at the sky,
and saw a pink portal
in a sea of murky, somber clouds.
I stood there,
waiting,
aching,
to be saved,
She is calling."
The saving grace from life can be seen in any manner of the world, the tolls of a weed that grew and yellowed, the hair of a man from brown to white, the state of a smile that wrinkles a few years in. Life itself is a mere waiting game, and some of us wait, aching to hear her call, to look up into the sky and see her dress of pink comfort holding a blanket of our peace.
When she calls, we can only hope that Death finds us alive, with white hair and crow's feet.
"I dance in the rain so no one can tell,
Which drops are sky-born and which are mine."
Love, Hawinay
wowzers, this is beautiful! i love the second stanza
Hi rainforest! Beautiful username and beautiful poem. I know this is out of the green room already, but I still wanted to share my thoughts especially because this is a topic that is very personal to me as well. Death is such a heavy topic but I like that you've embedded some natural world imagery and philosophical themes.
I like the usage of mother and mother nature as central topics; the reader can interpret mother as a protective natural entity like nature, or as the speaker's presumed mother who they are mourning. They both complement each other nicely, and a poem grieving the loss of a mother is softened by the nature imagery throughout, such as "in a sea of murky, somber clouds" and "my body becomes more aligned / with gravity, who anchors me further". The force of mother nature and the speaker's actual mother are effectively intertwined, which I think is really cool.
A note here — you begin with "yesterday i walked" in past tense, and the rest of the stanza is in present tense. If this whole part is based on yesterday, the remaining actions should align with this.
This part is interesting! We switch from first person to second person, which is surprising but not completely unfitting. I'm assuming this is an aside, kind of like an internal message/reassurance to the speaker on the greater implications of death? Admittedly, the jump to second person is a little abrupt, and I wonder if formatting this stanza so it's italic or indented outwards to visually separate from the rest of the poem could be beneficial. EDIT: I see you created a visual for the poem upon submitting this review, so feel free to disregard this!
I love the repetition of "she is calling" as well as the jump to present day with "today" at the beginning of this stanza. It implies motion through time, growth, and the lingering feeling of loss. Not to mention, it circles back to the structuring at the start of the poem. This part especially gives off melancholic vibes, but also somewhat hopeful? The speaker is "aching to be saved" — whether that's somehow reconnecting with their mother, or more literally upon passing away themselves, it leaves a little bit of desperation like they will do anything to be with their mother again. It definitely embodies grief well.
Anyway, I loved this and hope to see more of your writing around!
Calamity
wowzers, this is beautiful! i love the second stanza
I really like the interpretation of death this poem shows. The language showing how immersed we are in the world and with, I'm assuming based off of 'mother', mother nature, making out death and burial to be a kind, nurturing act from the universe therefore denouncing the steps humanity has taken away from the natural world and refferencing how belief in those steps is an unrealistic want.
I love when poetry refers to gravity as a part of mother nature because it adds physics and sciences to the image of a peaceful delicate but powerful world, which is in fact how it is, and revokes the toxic, capatalist, 'masculine' of the sciences. It also emphasises how unstoppable force of nature is and that message is very important. The belief that humanity is detatched from nature is a lie built on deadly want, I love the message.
Very nice. Do you have more poems like this? - geometry dash
Hi! Hop here with a review!
Okay so this poem is really beautiful. Like the first image of walking barefoot in a cemetery?? That hit me right away. It’s not creepy, it’s peaceful. It feels like the speaker is trying to connect with something bigger than themselves. The barefoot part makes it feel raw and honest, like they’re rlly feeling the earth.
The gravity line is cool. “My body becomes more aligned with gravity” sounds deep, and it works. It’s like they’re letting go and sinking into the land. Then the grass poking their toes?? That’s such a small detail but it makes the scene feel alive. I could literally picture it.
Then “death is such a gift” comes in and I was like woah. That’s a strong line. It’s not sad, it’s peaceful. The idea of returning to the mother and being held is rlly comforting. It makes death feel like a homecoming instead of something scary. The “upside down underworld” part is interesting too. It makes the world sound messed up and the speaker wants to escape it.
Then the second half goes to the sky and it’s like a shift. The “pink portal” is such a cool image. It’s dreamy and kinda magical. The spaeker just stands there, waiting and aching. That word “aching” is perfect. It’s not just wanting, it’s deeper than that. It feels like they’re longing for something they can’t quite reach.
And then “she is calling” comes back and it ties everything together. It’s like the earth and the sky are both speaking to the speaker. That line rpeating makes it feel like a chant or a prayer. It’s really powerful.
But, all in all, I really love this poem. It is very uncanny! Happy RevMo, Happy writing, and have a happy day!
Stay amazing!
Love,
Hop