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139,240 Literary Works • 672,520 Reviews
This poem has a colour gradient, multiple even. I love it!
And I like how the normal, matter-of-fact description of happiness is toward the white-ish part of the gradient but the more you talk abt how unhappy the narrator feels, the darker the bg gets.
I wonder if the jump from black to white text has something to do with what is said and not only so it can remain readable over the darker and darker background?
I also like how the white text is kinda swirling like a tornado, given that you talk abt a cyclone in it!
Ohhh and now, the night is over, maybe we fell asleep and here is the abrupt switch to bright light! I like how the words seem to ride down the rays of the sun and how the text is more cheerful too. I wonder if the speckled text is referencing how a prism might reflect light?
I don’t know why but the red cloud seemed very sinister (especially since idk the word anthurium. [Oh it’s a plant. Should have figured that from bloom. But well if you want to be poetic, blood can also bloom…]—shaped like a heart too.
Overall not sinister. It feels like a stopping point, a pause between the sections.
I like how this time, when the poem’s bg gets dark, we are aware that it’s not in depression. Not only by the words but of course also by the sparkling darkness and the beautiful starry sky. :3
Very cool idea and execution!!
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idk how someone hasn't given this a review yet bc this is stunning. the visuals make this poem so so so so fun to read, and they're just beautiful in general. I particularly like where it transitions from the anthurium to petals falling to brushstrokes to stars, really really gorgeous. a+ for effort.
okay lets get into the poem itself- to be honest, it didn't completely make sense to me as a whole. i don't know whether it's my mental state or the actual quality of this poem. however, i think that the fragmented state of this poem aids the visual aspect, which is what hooked me in the first place. each visual section corresponds to a stanza. actually, on second thought, this poem is more a progression of little poems.
the whole "spell" section is absolutely gorgeous. it reads like a moonlight incantation (which it is). "infect me with ivy" through "give me my closure" sounds like a song lyric that people would get tattoos of.
however, i had some potential notes.if it is meant to be a very rhythmic stanza, i would suggest reading aloud the last four lines ("this earth has been poisoned" to "this is my lifeboat") just because they are slightly longer, with more syllables and less rhythm.
also: "anidote" is actually spelled "antidote."
the last lines really made me rethink this entire piece. they generate so much imagery in so few words. really really pretty. they were just a little bit vague, however. if the stars are bathing in your eyes, how can they watch you if you can't watch yourself? sorry, that was kind of meta-ish, but i hope you understand my question. maybe you could rework them slightly, just to give them a bit more clarity.
be proud of this piece <3
The incredible effort that went into this, just WOW!! The planning and visualization is really commendable, you've outdone yourself here <3