Wisps.
Pieces of ghost left behind.
Dreams,
Stars.
Fallen to Earth by mistake.
Ever moving.
The Wind
It caresses a window face
Before rushing on to start a race
Between leaves, snow and sleet
Down a deserted midnight street
The wind is a widow's best friend
As it keeps her company in her mourning
The breeze is a child's careful playmate
As it spirals around them
Ruffles their clothes and
Loosens their hair
A child's carefree manner
Comes from the reckless winds
Influencing them
Parents,
Blame the Wind,
Blame the Wind,
Blame the Wind.
But let the child play with a
Forgetful Friend
Before it rushes on
To carry the Sun's Chariot onto morning
As it rushes by their window's
It carries souls to the
Land of Dreams
Where people,
Young and Old,
Can escape from their troubles
The Young:
From the monsters under their beds.
The Old:
From the torture of waking.
When morning finally dawns,
The Wind carries back the souls of people.
To their beds
To awake rested
Because of
The Wind.
So when the Wind
Rushes by you at Dawn
Playing with your special Son,
Don't carry him off,
Away from the breeze,
Just watch from behind some trees.
For the wind does not like to be Disturbed,
Or it will fly around Hindered
It will shoot through the air,
Knotting all your hair.
It will slam straight into your house,
Trying to arouse
The stronger Winds of
Hurricane
Where it zooms about like a
Horse's mane
See,
You have made it Mad.
Be careful when you do so.
Or you could make it Sad.
And that would be very low.
Sad,
Mad,
Happy,
Or Friendly,
No one will ever know.
For sometimes the Wind
Fakes these feelings
Just to put on a show.
So when you're in the presence of
The Wind,
I would just like you to know:
The Wind is a lonely creature,
But unlike hail or snow.
It has a life,
That lies far beyond your
Understanding.
The Wind needs friends,
So it comes to you.
But the key to friendship is:
Make sure you're not
Pretending.
One thing I noticed in this poem was a little rhyme scheme in the third paragraph.
Watch out for that, because if you have a random rhyming part in there, then you've got to adjust. This poem is meant to be a free verse, and the little rhyme scheme could bring possible confusion. Even if it doesn't, adjust to the style of writing you are specifically using in that poem.
I know this stanza is meant to be repetitive, but it is needlessly repetitive. That may just be me. But having three lines in one stanza with the same thing is not needed. But you can spread that repetition out, which would be better.
This was one of my favorite stanzas. This stanza is very relatable and understandable. It brings a sort of dark element into the poem that every poem is missing. Every happy side has a dark side, and you brought that into the poem very well!
I think what this poem is missing is some better describing words. You used such simple words which sort of disrupted the imagery this poem could've created. All you need is a little thesaurus. I always use one for my poems and stories to create imagery and hook the reader into the story or poem.
But I did like the personification in this poem! Nice work, my friend.
Pure Wonder Lovelies.
✖︎
Thaaaaankss... ugh, I hate this poem. But thanks for reviewing!
No problem. I wanted to check out /something/ of yours.
XD I have a short story section that has actually semi-well-written stuff in it... *shuffles awkwardly*
Pure brilliance. Full stop.
Thank you!
HUzzah! Lucky you is getting mr. review (A.K.A. me) going through your nature poems!
This is VERY well done, and if I wasn't already following you I would do on the spot. Every line means something, and it is written in one of my fave forms of poetry, that is slightly free form with rhyming couplets where wanted and a tripping rhythem. I can't find anything to critisize, so I will leave it at that!
Keep up the good work,
Take That You Fiend!
Thank you so much! High praise from a man of your status! *laughs*
Thank you again!
~Racket
People should be the wind's friends. People should be friends with nature. They should dream and dream and dream because you are right. The dreams take away the troubles. The dreams snatch them away. The dreams lets you live a life, wherever, whenever, who cares? Your troubles are gone.
Nice rhymes! This poem has a real meaning to it to. People's troubles can be so frustrating, so stressful, the dreams take them to a new land. A land that has no troubles. And you are right, you should never pretend to be a friend to someone, because friendship is something with no price.
Thank you Blabla! I'm glad you understand my poem! Very true, friendship is a thing with no price! Thanks for reviewing!
~OPora, you BFF
Hi, Racket! June here,
I really like the way your poem starts off. You create an intriguing metaphor for the wind and heighten your reader's interest in your poem, which is excellent for our sake.
As the poem progresses, I'm a little unsure about where it's headed. It's nice to liken the wind to other things and personify it by attributing emotions to it, but I feel I got caught up in a windstorm and was carried away.
I'm a little iffy on your frequent repetition. You have some really great ideas in here like the breeze is a careful child's playmate, and I'd like to see you drive the poem forward with more of that kind of energy.
I enjoyed it. Keep writing, dear,
June
This a beautifully worded poem and normally, when I read poems, as long as this one, I get put off by the inability to keep the flow going, however I think you've succeeded in keeping that smoothness and flow.
"As it rushes by their window's
It carries souls to the
Land of Dreams
Where people,
Young and Old,
Can escape from their troubles"
I particularly loved this stanza as it i so true and it gives me some sort of wistful feeling inside. That's what I enjoy about reading poems.
so well done.
Than you so much! Thanks for reviewing!
I really like this one. In your last kind of paragraph it gives a message to people about their own friendships. I also like this poem because it's kind of like a story. It is certainly as enjoyable as any story.
Why thank you! I will look at your work as well!
That was a very enjoyable read! Thank you for posting! I'm glad I get to be one of the first to review!
Keep writing and reviewing!
Again, I enjoy your style of adding a little humor to an elegant piece about nature. It's cool to think of the Wind tempting childen to misbehave, and then putting on false emotions. Very original and beautiful!
The poem also flowed very nice, and was proof-read well, because I'm having trouble finding anything to critique!
There is some interesting capitalization in your poem, and I'm pretty sure most of it is intentional. The only capitalization that I thought was a little strange/didn't quite fit maybe was "Rested" in about the 12th stanza. In the lines
"The Wind carries back the souls of people.
To their beds
To awake Rested"
it just seems a little strange, because it seems like where you capitalized "mad" and "sad" as the wind's other names/emotions it was describing the wind. But it seems more in this line that it's describing the "souls of people" waking from "their beds" rather than the wind. I could be wrong though, and maybe your intention was to be describing the wind again in that line.
The other odd capitalization was in these lines:
"So when the Wind
Rushes by you at Dawn"
I'm not sure what the purpose of capitalizing 'dawn' is. Unless it's the name of a make-believe place in the land of the Wind.
As far as capitalization goes, it might even be good to capitalize 'hail' and 'snow' to further personify weather as alive/characters, but that's just a suggestion. Unless you really want to emphasize the Wind being different and much more alive than the other weathers.
Last little spot was in the secound to last stanza :
"So when your in the presence of
The Wind"
'your' should be "you're".
That's all I could find!
~alliyah~
Thank you for reviewing! I will take into account all these little changes and when you come back to look at my piece again( if you do) these things will mostly be fixed. Again, thanks for reviewing!
~Racket
Wow, this is great! You've got a real gift in poetry. I love the way you manage to interpreter what does the wind, and how it does it. I expect to read more from you! You have a real talent there!
Keep up the good work!
Thank you! If you haven't already, I wrote another nature poem called "A Flower's Inner Beauty" which I think you would be interested in. I will work on another one tonight! Thanks for reviewing!
~Racket