I sat there. I waited. I sat some more.I waited. Frustration. I can’t think. What to write?I walk to the sink. A splash of water. Connects with my face. My Inspiration. Gone without a trace.
Who to turn to?
Where to go?
I’m either walking in circles, or walking too slow.
To move about.
A world of shame.
Disappointment.
I am lame.
The world has slain, my poetic feet.
That walk my Confidence.
From street to street.
Of the world inside.
My own small self.
Where my thoughts are stacked.
Like a book-shelf.
But it seems this shelf.
Has fallen down.
Down to the ground.
I’ve lost my crown.
The precious circlet, wound ‘round my head.
That kept me safe.
From Shame and Dread.
It held my victories, and pushed down my losses.
It was my very favorite.
Of many bosses.
That told me what to do.
When Inspiration hit.
Alas, now it is lost.
Through the mists of time.
Hidden amidst.
Dust and grime.
Smothered in Shame.
Traded its Hope with Dread.
And is buried now.
Beneath my bed.
With many a book, from my thought shelf.
All is lost now.
But when I looked.
Down on the ground.
Beneath the bed.
To be crowned.
With a marvelous feat:
I had walked the streets of stranger’s minds.
One’s Hopeless and Lost, never to be found.
But I saw the light in the shadow.
Found my home.
Away from the Meadow.
The Meadow of Sadness.
That held no light.
Except for a sliver, from which I took flight.
Towards the Hope.
To be found. To be crowned.
With victory.
I was free.
So I push away the dust and grime.
Picked up books.
From the midst of time.
I gently placed them on the shelf.
Until the shelf was stuffed.
I pulled away the last beauteous book, and look:
There my crown lay, bejeweled and sparkling.
Nearly frightening.
Flashes of lightning.
As I placed Victory upon my head.
This beauty of mine, will never.
Ever.
EVER.
Be defeated.
Dead.
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140,266 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
This is one hundred percent STRANGE! and I like it...
the line:
"The world has slain, my poetic feet.
That walk my Confidence.
From street to street."
The nfirst two lines are fine, very nice in fact, however the third seems like a forced rhyme, and I think this is due to the double use of the word "street". This is how I would have written it...
"The world hath slain my poetic feet,
that steer my confidence
down eachalleyway and street
of the deadly world outside."
As you see here I have fewer fullstops, which I felt halted the reader's train of thought.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Hi, I'm Killyouwithwords here to review your poem!
But the fact that you put a period at the end of every sentence made it a little harder to read because I wasn't sure what the rhythm of the poem was. Some lines would be better connected to others and not as their own sentence. For instance:
It was an interesting topic, very original. I liked your imagery, and the vocabulary you used. Great Job!!
It was riveting and kept me reading until the end. I like the symbolism that the crown represents, and how you personified Hope and Loss by capitalizing the beginning letter of every word, it was awesome!
I won't comment on the stanzas, because it does that to me too
“Away from the Meadow.
The Meadow of Sadness.
That held no light."
This might be better as:
“Away from the Meadow.
The Meadow of Sadness that holds no light."
Just a suggestion
The only other problem I had were the first two lines. I know that they are supposed to be introductory sentences, but you didn't stop with the whole period thing. It just looked like a whole bunch of sentences side be side that would have been a lot better merged together. For an example:
“I sit and think in frustration, unable to think of the words to write. I walk to the sink and a splash of water connects with my face. My inspiration...gone without a trace."
Not exactly in that way of course, but you get what I mean. Again, just a suggestion and I really, really liked your poem!!
Keep writing-
Killyouwithwords
Thanks for the review! Oh, gosh, your so right about the period thing! When I get time, I will absolutely fix that! I don't do that anymore, by the way, with my newer poems. Thanks for reviewing!
~Racket
This is an AWESOME, AMAZING poem. Very deep. From insides of dread the person of this story becomes free and finds his crown. The person then had hope!
People should have hope in they're own lives. People should find they're own crown of hope, of victory, of HAPPINESS! People should put down they're IPods, put down they're MP3 players, and write more poems. People should leave they're meadow od electronics and find they're homes in a poem. 
Thanks Blabla, the electronics wasn't really what I was going for, but good point! If you think so much about that, maybe YOU should put down the electronics, Ms. I Have Every Electronic On Earth,
. Thank you for reviewing!
~Opora, your BFF
Hello racket!!
I'm hanorah and I'll be reviewing your poem today on this Christmas in July!!
I did like this poem, but I found it confusing at times.
First of all, I found it strange that there was a space between every line and that it wasn't split into different stanzas. I think you meant 'favourite' instead of 'Favorite'.
Overall I thought it was good, it ryhmed throughout which was good because it is long, so well done!!
~keep writing.
Thank you! You might want to read my reply to Blackwood, it explains a couple things. Thanks for reviewing!
~Racket
Nice poem, why is every line a link though? When I clicked on it it took me to the publishing centre.
Anyway, I think you need to put in some paragraphs into the poem. At the moment its quite long and I feel like there are different section and that it would work nicer with some separation.
Also: Rhyming.
Your rhyming is quite all over the place, you have rhyming words at the end of lies but it does not follow a consistent pattern and I feel like it is slightly random. For example:
"Where to go?
I’m either walking in circles, or walking too slow."
Rhyme right after one another. then
"A world of shame.
Disappointment.
I am lame."
skips a line them rhymes. You do this throughout the whole piece.
Finally the first two lines :
"I sat there. I waited. I sat some more.I waited. Frustration. I can’t think. What to write?
I walk to the sink. A splash of water. Connects with my face. My Inspiration. Gone without a trace."
These are really long compared to everything else, you could easily turn them into smaller lines to fit the rest of your poem.
Content wise this poem uses nice descriptive language and conveys its meaning well. Good job.
I don't know why every line is a link. I think it's a glitch. I put stanzas in, but they didn't appear on the page. I'm trying to figure it out. The first two lines are supposed to be like an introduction. It randomly skips a line every time, I don't know why, I'll try and fix it. Sorry if I sound like I'm blaming the web-sight, but the rhyming is my fault. Thank you for reviewing!
~Racket