I planted a seed
in the dark, soft dirt of my mind
and soon I had forgotten.
But leaf by stem sprouted green,
adding color to my dead garden
and though my thoughts aren't colorful
fields of flowers like his or hers
my garden is growing, for I've planted seeds,
and I'll let my lonely lost tears water them
so soon I'll have a beautiful garden, too.
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Canary word: Present
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,753 Reviews
Thank you, Charm. I want to read your poem again and again, for it feels like I am reading the whole story in one moment, or maybe it is just one little scene, but it's so much bigger than - does it really matter what - it is just big and so soft. I must say, I've been hearing a very gentle voice read me your poem. I guess, your avatar played its role in this.
I can feel it and picture it; and, what I find a true miracle, it feels like the narrator, the imaginary human, is someone I've liked for a very long time. Like a character of a favorite cartoon from the childhood or something like that.
Hi! Space here for a review. ^^
I know this was written a year ago, but I just thought it was so pretty that I couldn't not-write one. (Did that made sense? XD)
There's not much to say, honestly, I just think it's so beautiful and the metaphors mixed with imagery somehow forms it into a perfect little poem.
I also understand the meaning of the poem and I think it's very emotional and supportive.
"I'll let my lonely lost tears water them
so soon I'll have a beautiful garden, too." I think this line (though I might be reading it completely wrong honestly) shows that sometimes to get to good times you have to go through hard times and sometimes the hard times help you get there..? If that makes sense.
Overall, this is a wonderful poem.
Great job!
-Space
Hey there! It's LadyShadows!
I absolutely ADORED this poem! It gave me that heavily symbolic feel to the poem. It was true though, as everyone plants seeds in their lifetime. That's how your soul grows or wilts. This was real. And beautiful. This is life. Keep writing. ♥
looking at the title i just thought of something hilarious
like the other way of planting a seed
do you get it
im so deceased right now lmao
(doesn't get it) yeah hahahaha xD
aleta don't ruin marms's innocent mindtrust me i'm not innocent but i still don't get it xD
damn marmalade
lmao thanks <3
woah tumblr
kidding, i like it
*rolls eyes* thanks
I really enjoyed this poem. Immediately I think of somebody going through depression. I took this as maybe the seed is an antidepressant, of course that's just my interpretation. You're very detailed which makes it easy to visualize the process and understand this is a poem about self-recovery.
Hi, Gymnast2801 here with a review!
First off, this poem is really good! I like how you referred to a garden as sort of the growing of the mind. I epetaully loved the verse, "and I'll let my lonely tears water them". This verse is really wonderful and very creative-as is the rests of the poem.
The only thing I would like to point out is:
and though my thoughts aren't colorful
I think there should be a coma after "colorful" but I don't think it's really needed so you could just add it if you wanted
fields of flowers like his or hers
Perioid after "her's"
Well, that about sums it up! Great job and keep writing!
Hey!! This work is just stunning... use of words is justbso well I can actually feel what's happening. The point of using tears to water the plant is just great. This poem gives positive hope and I like it a lot. Each line of this poem has twists. In the starting lines you plant the seed and next moment you forget about it... this point is so well versed. Hope to see a beautiful garden very soon. Your poem just made me forget all my blues and just sail with the wind blowing with your poem. Wish to see more work from you.
- Akshata
Hey there! So I'm filling my house up with plants at the moment and when I saw the title, I decided this was definitely today's review.
Less is more in poetry. I think this line should simply be 'and soon I had forgotten.' The reader knows what has been forgotten but it also allows a little duplicity in that other things could have been forgotten during that time as well.Specifics
1. I'd actually like to see the first two lines switched around so that you start with the description of the location and give the emphasis to seed - we always remember most what comes toward the end of a sentence. So:
In the dark, soft dirt of my mind
I planted a seed
I also don't think you need to have 'dirt' to carry the metaphor and that 'recess' would sound nicer or even 'hovel' which takes the best from both worlds.
2.
3.
This is along the same lines as point two in that less is more. At the moment your poetry reads a lot like prose and that's fine, but it means it has a slower pace than what most readers will expect from poetry and you're a little wordy without packing as much imagery into the line as others. I'd trim these lines down and e a bit less literal. Maybe something like:
But leaf by stem sprouted green,
like a child with only one crayon
and no sense of how to colour in the
lines.
So this is longer than your lines but there are less surplus words, for example 'little by little' replaced with plant imagery.
Overall
The ending is very nice and I like the hopefulness of this poem and the realisation of self sufficiency the speaker has. It's nice to see a love poem that's less about love and more about realising that we can hold our own selves up - very nicely done.
All the best,
~Heather
Thank you!
I just read over your review again and I'd thought I'd say that this poem isn't a love poem. I mean it could be taken that way. I wrote it in a way that it could be interpreted differently. It's about making changes in my life for my mental health. The garden refers to my mind, the flowers are my thoughts.
That's actually what I thought until I saw the line 'fields of flowers like his or hers' and I wondered if that was a reference to an ex boyfriend who had gone off with someone else or something along those lines.
But I like that it's quite open to interpretation so the line still works.