Hurt

Hey Potatoe! (Love the username by the way).

Interpretation
So this feels like a sort of classic - lament poem. I interpreted the speaker at having this dualistic grief of feeling disconnected about the world, but also wishing the world would reconnect with them. There are people who are telling them who they are and that everything will get better, and they honestly don't know what to think. In the end we read that the speaker is actually still around because in return for a particular person. Interesting twist from grief to compassion at the end.

Thoughts
Here's some elements that I liked:

Dual Emotion -
A lot of my poetry I wouldn't necessarally call "cheery" - so I'd say I'm a fan of poetry with a bit of an edge. And this one has that. You can feel the speaker grappling with some of these hard questions that many of us deal with. What I like though, is that you include elements of hope and care in there too. While not every poem needs a "unicorns and roses" ending, having elements of hope or even just questioning in a sad poem, allows the sad notes to hit sadder and eleviates the reader a little too, so it feels like they're not swamped by a single emotion. I also think having sort of mixed emotion like you do, is more realistic to how life is often - those small threads of hope are important, even if they're small.

The Poem Goes Somewhere -
I also like that the poem goes somewhere. I read a lot of poems that are the emotional equivalent of repeating the same thing again and again and again, or almost like a list of random image points (dog, lake, yellow tree, large cloud, dog, squirrel, every piece of grass) -> although the author often has a vivid story and laid our scene to go with these "random" words, they end up feeling disconnected and incomplete for the reader who isn't given enough to piece them together.

The simplest, and I'd argue - the most effective, way to string thoughts of a poem together is by putting them in some sort of plot or in reference to a conflict. So instead of that random list I had above it'd be more like (dog runs, into the lake, I jump into a yellow tree to watch, and a cloud floats by, and a squirrel goes by, I see nature is in every piece of grass). By adding the story, it actually brightens the elements, pulls them together, and helps create meaning. In your poem you do that in some ways - especially in the first and last stanza where the reader relates to other characters outside of the poem. I think if you could connect some of those narrative elements into the middle stanzas and help them to link together so it doesn't just sound like a running-dialogue it would make your poem even stronger.

So there's lots of good in this poem, I also had a few suggestions on how to play on the strengths you've set up.
Suggestions:

My other suggestion would be that I think you could have a bit more consistency in your line length, this'll help with the flow of the poem in the couple of places where you had some wordy/long lines.

And the last suggestion, is more of an idea - it's a bit confusing that the speaker goes back and forth in their thinking so much - maybe there's hope, maybe there isn't, maybe I'm alone, maybe I'm not - if you could make this voice into 2 very distinct voices by off-setting one in italics or with a bigger indentation it might create an interesting effect and further highlight the duality of the speaker's thinking.

That's all I had! Let me know if you have any questions about my review!

~alliyah

I am going to jump right into this review!
This is a good poem and very relatable. I also used to fight everything that you are talking about in this poem, and It will get better, believe me. Everyone does not hate you. Somewhere, there is someone who cares, even if you don't realize it at first. As what happened to me. Some of what I had to do was to change my whole attitude towards life. This poem is very relatable and speaks straight to the heart. You definitely have talent.
Keep up the good work!

This is a nice poem! It's simple, but it really speaks out. (Congrats on your first piece, by the way.) I especially like the final line, because it ends on a positive note. However, I have a few optional changes you could make:

- Figurative language adds that extra oomph to your poem, so if you choose to take my advice and edit, maybe (carefully) stick in a simile or a metaphor here or there. It elevates your statement to the next level.

- Or, completely disregard that tip. One thing I like about your piece is that it's not overly embellished or dramatic. It's honest, and it's from the heart. So if this piece is truly authentic to you, don't feel like you have to add anything.

- Some of the lines feel a little awkward, like they're slightly out of context. "That I doubt" can be turned into "but I doubt that." Consider adding "or" between "Encouragement" and "hope" in lines 12 and 13. In line 17, "but i hope" could be "but I hope so."

- You say "life is hard," twice in this poem. I didn't catch it at first, but eagle-eyed readers might. Maybe omit one or the other, or find a way to rephrase it.

Overall, I really like this poem! I think it has a universal message because of its simplicity. I like how you don't clog up your stanzas with words, so you can convey your theme in a way that is accessible but still profound. Keep up the good work, I look forwards to seeing more of your pieces!

Happy writing,

Stella

Good job on your first post! I like the way you pose questions to show how one might feel if they are hated and don't enjoy their life. Hopefully this doesn't get into the hands of someone who is suicidal, because they might take this too much to heart.
A few lines I thought were a little jolting were the ones with three total syllables. They were just a bit hard to read at first.
Again, welcome to the YWS!

please feel free to be honest, even if you feel it's brutal.