I want you to understand
I want you to touch my hand with your hand.
Because baby, I promise I'll be the best you ever had.
And I know that you can't feel the way that I feel for you.
These dreams I have will never come true.
The love I have I can't share with you.
I want to lie with you, get lost inside your blue eyes.
Like looking up at stormy skies
I'll blind myself with wonderful lies.
I want you to see.
No one can ever love you as much as me
And if you were ever, gonna leave
I'd die cause you are what sets me free.
And when the sun goes down, your all on your own
I'll be your moon and stars, I'll guide you home.
I swear I'd always take the time
If only you were mine.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
I really liked this. I like the rhyming, but I would sya at some times it was a bit....forced? Im not sure how ot put it. Other than that, great job. Keep writing!
Matthew,
this song is very beautiful and captures emotion, especially when you talk of 'stormy skies' I could imagne singing it and it works so well as a song rather than a poem.
It uses time in a good way too - talking about the sun - for example.
I really think this is good, and writing lyrics is something I think you're skilled at.
Well done.
nice one
I really like this mathew you have done a very good job. Its diffrent to all the other love poems I have read on herer and it really did comfort me. This would make a great song and I would love to write the music for it. You are very talented and I get excited to read your work well done matt well done
Thankyou everyone again for all the great reviews. Some great advice there. I'm glad you liked the poem, I wrote it for you!
It's cute, really cute. It makes one want to ache inside and I've written far too many pieces in my life like this to a stranger to these works despite how much I love them. It's a way to express so much inside of you, and that's what one tends to need in their life more than anything else for the most part.
#FF40FF ">Beautiful. Far too beautiful for me to say anything else really.
I love it. It's expressive, and emotive without being over the top. Good job.
- GhostlyImpressions.
This is a pretty cute poem and I reckon it would work well as a song.
Just one thing it should be "you're all on your own" not "your" as in "you are all on your own"
And also, this is just a weird thing that I have, I hate the word baby. But that is just me.
Great Job!
Awww! You don't see a lot of this poetry, making this quite unique. I love how the format changes a little every once in a while, giving it it's own special characteristic. The second to last stanza is the best, in my opinion. I congradulate you.
Interesting! But, is there other ways you can get your feelings out? Some of the lines sound over used and unorginal. Remember poetic devices? Hyperoble, personification, simile, metaphor! Oh, the horror. All in all, I found it very lovely.