z

Young Writers Society



I Tread On Dangerous Ground

by popatemyheart1994


I Tread On Dangerous Ground


I tread on dangerous ground.
Bombs explode around me.
They do not make a sound.
I speak the truth.
I speak my pain.
I would go to the ends of the world my dear,
To drive your mind insane.

Love is one truth
I will never know.
A soul is a part of me
I will never show.

Call me evil. Hold a grudge
Try to kill me, but dare not misjudge.
I was once a boy but I was damaged.
My heart torn out, my brain was savaged.

Now I tread a dangerous ground.
Searching for a love I never found.

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User avatar
26 Reviews

Points: 1071
Reviews: 26

Donate
Wed Apr 13, 2011 5:12 am



This is beautiful! Careful not to rhyme at the expense of expressing the way you truly feel.




Random avatar

Points: 5107
Reviews: 100

Donate
Tue Apr 12, 2011 5:22 am
NaRachel says...



I love it! Its dramatic and exciting and it rhymes! Very sophisticated i can't find a problem with it so well done!




User avatar
270 Reviews

Points: 5081
Reviews: 270

Donate
Tue Apr 12, 2011 2:45 am
fireheartedkaratepup wrote a review...



Very nice.

Try not to use so many periods--I think dashes and commas would better serve your purpose. For instance:

I tread on dangerous ground#FF0000 ">--
Bombs explode around me#FF0000 ">,
They do not make a sound.



Like that.

Also, :(
Is sad. I sorry. (Don'tcha love my fantastical grammar skills right now.)





Life's short; smile while you still have teeth.
— Tuesday