SCENE 1
Lights up on NICK and MADISON center stage, sitting on a bench with some visible room between the two of them.
They are mid conversation and it is obviously a bit awkward between them.
It is chilly outside, maybe lightly snowing, at night. The setting can be either a larger park or a bench on the side of a quiet street.
MADISON
Nick...listen...I really do like you. It's just that...my parents...they don't.
NICK
(standing, flustered)
Your parents don't like me?
MADISON
It's not that they don't like you! It's that they don't like the idea of anyone going out with me.
NICK
Well there's gotta be a way...what if we can convince them?
MADISON
Like talk to them?
NICK
(chuckling)
Yes, Madison...like, talk to them.
MADISON
Oh, I really don't think that's a good idea! They aren't great with boys that I bring home, and -
NICK
And just how many boys do you bring home?
MADISON
Well I'm not some type of hussy, if that's what you're asking! Is that what you're asking?
NICK
Well, not exactly...
MADISON
I'll have you know that I am a strong-willed Christian girl, and if you -
NICK
So, your parents...
There is an awkward length of silence between NICK and MADISON, and an uncomfortably perceptible shift away from each other on the bench.
After the silence, NICK gets up, and begins to exit. MADISON soon gets up and reaches after him.
MADSION
(almost apologetically)
Nick, wait...maybe we can try to talk to them. Maybe.
NICK
It's just...ugh, I don't know, Madison. I can't even describe how I feel about you. Whenever I'm with you, I feel butterflies flying around my stomach. I think about you all the time, about how incredibly beautiful you are.
MADISON
(a bit taken aback)
Oh, Nick...I think -
NICK
Yeah?
MADISON
I think that I -
NICK
You think that you what?
MADISON
I think that maybe I feel something too!
NICK
Maybe? Madison, if all you can give me is maybe, I don't know that I even want to talk to your parents...
NICK looks at MADISON for a beat, then the ground, then begins to exit. As he is walking off, MADISON looks to the ground for a beat, and then speaks.
MADISON
Nick, wait...tomorrow. I'll figure something out. Someway. We can try to talk to them tomorrow.
NICK
Really? Are you sure?
MADISON
No...I don't really know how I feel, but I want to at least give it a shot.
NICK runs to MADISON and gives her a big, genuine hug. At first, MADISON participates willingly.
After the hug, they are both left feeling awkward.
NICK clears his throat as MADISON brushes herself off, and then they speak again.
NICK
I'm just...happy.
(Beat.)
So...is your dad really that bad?
MADISON
(chuckling)
Well let's just say the last boy I asked to go on a date with...he moved.
NICK
He moved?
MADISON
To a different country.
NICK
Wait, but -
MADISON
Just to get away from my father.
NICK
(chuckling)
Oh, boy...this should be fun.
NICK and MADISON exit stage right, together but not too close or holding hands or anything.
Lights fade out briefly to give actors time to walk around the back of the stage.
Maybe some soft music plays.
SCENE 2
Lights up on NICK, sitting alone on the bench center stage. NICK is visibly down, with his head hanging low.
Enter MADISON, also a bit down in the dumps.
MADISON sits on the bench next to NICK, but neither of them say anything or look at each other. This silence goes on for a bit.
MADISON
So, that didn't go too great.
NICK
Nope.
MADISON
Nick, I'm sorry...my dad shouldn't have called you all of those names...especially a, what was it he called you? A flipping...oh, I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway.
NICK
Mad, it doesn't mater. I mean, maybe he's right. Maybe it just can't happen.
MADISON
What are you talking about?
NICK
I mean, think about it. Your dad isn't stupid. All those things he said. You could end up pregnant...or a heroin addict...or even worse! You could end up being a pregnant heroin addict!
MADISON
Nick, stop! No, he's wrong! You know I'd never do heroin! Anyway, he's just worried that his little girl isn't so...well, little! And maybe that's not such a bad thing! I mean, I am growing up, but that's life, and he'll just have to realize that.
NICK
Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just overreacting.
MADISON
(sarcastically)
Maybe?
NICK
(laughing)
Fine, definitely...I'm definitely overreacting.
NICK playfully shoves MADISON (or bumps her with his shoulder), but MADISON falls off of the bench and onto the floor.
MADISON
Damn it, Nick!
NICK
I'm sorry! You weren't supposed to fall!
MADISON
(getting up)
Now you have to fall!
As MADISON goes to sit back down on the bench, she pushes NICK off of the bench and onto the ground.
NICK just lays down on the ground for a little bit before responding.
NICK
(well thought out)
I would fall for you any day.
MADISON
What if we did it anyway?
NICK
I thought you said you didn't want to get pregnant...
MADISON
Nick! You know what I mean!
NICK
Actually, I don't...
MADISON
What if we went out anyway?
NICK
I'd probably end up in the hospital.
MADISON
No, my parents wouldn't even have to know!
NICK
This doesn't sound like a good idea.
MADISON
Nick, you're the one who wanted to try this. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this at all, but I know that I feel something. I don't know what it is, but it's something.
NICK
What will you tell your parents?
MADISON
That I'm going over Emily's.
NICK
What if they ask to talk to her parents?
MADISON
I'll give them Emily's phone number, so that way if they want to talk to her parents, they'll actually be calling her.
NICK
What if they see me pull up out front?
MADISON
Well Emily lives right around the corner, so I'll just tell them that I'm walking, walk around the corner, and you can pick me up there, where they can't see me.
NICK
You do have this pretty thought out, don't you?
MADISON
You bet!
NICK
One more thing...what if they just say no? What if they don't let you "go study?"
MADISON
Oh, they'll let me; there's nothing they care more about than me getting straight As.
NICK
Fine.
MADISON
Fine?
NICK
Fine.
MADISON
Fine as in...
NICK
Fine as in, let's do it.
MADISON
Oh, this is so exciting! Rebelling against my parents! This will be the first time I've ever really lied to them!
NICK
(to himself)
Oh, God, what did I get myself into?
Fade out to black with the image of a skeptical NICK and a giddy MADISON. With their plan set, we hear some commotion backstage in the blackout. This should be loud and discombobulated.
Someone backstage should quickly make NICK look as if he was beat up (fake blood, torn clothing, maybe black eye).
SCENE 3
From backstage, we hear MADISON's father.
VOICE OF DAD(OFF)
(screaming)
And never come back around here again!
Something can be heard breaking (preferably glass).
Lights up on MADISON, sitting by herself on the same bench. She appears visibly nervous, looking around, playing with hair/clothing, etc.
NICK enters from stage left, visibly injured and bloodied, and sits next to MADISON. Neither of them say anything for quite some time.
Then, subtly, MADISON rests her head affectionately on NICK's shoulder.
MADISON
(nervously)
Well that didn't go as planned.
Long beat of silence.
NICK
(chuckling)
No, I guess it didn't.
At this point, NICK rests his head on MADISON's and wraps his arm around her back. This should be cute.
MADISON
You know, my dad said, and I quote, "If anything, he's persistent."
NICK
Is that supposed to make me feel better?
MADISON
It makes me feel better.
NICK
So what do we do now?
MADISON
What do we do about what?
NICK
What do we do about us?
MADISON
(quiet, contemplative)
Well, I don't know...maybe we could try again!
NICK
Woah, woah,woah! Try again? Do you see me right now?
MADISON
(mockingly)
Well fine. Maybe you should get a membership to the gym, and then we'll try again.
They begin to exit.
MADISON
(laughing)
Ha! Beat up by a fifty-four year old man. What a wimp!
Exit All.
Blackout.
Curtain.
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140,070 Literary Works • 672,989 Reviews
The three-act structure is a model used in screenwriting that divides a fictional narrative into three parts, often called the Setup, the Confrontation and the Resolution. (you used the three act structure pretty well)
The Title of your script "undeniably Mad" is a great title - i fell in love with your style and structure.
you need to work on your Margin. take a look at these sample carefully:
Margins
Stage direction and shot headings (also known as slug lines) have a margin of 1.7" of the left and 1.1" on the right. TWO BLANK LINES PRECEDE EACH SHOT HEADING.
Dialog has a left margin of 2.7" and a right margin of 2.4".
Character names over dialog (speaker) have a left margin of 4.1".
Parenthetical direction within dialog has a left margin of 3.4" and a right margin of 3.1".
Scenes transitions such as CUT TO: and FADE OUT. have a left margin of 6.0".
Scene/shot numbers: When a script is numbered in preproduction, the left number is placed 1.0" from the left edge of the page and the right scene number is placed 7.4" from the left edge of the page.
Top page margin is .5" (or three single lines) before the page number. A single blank line separates the page number from the body of the script, which begins with either a CONTINUED: or a new shot heading/slug line.
Bottom page margin is at least .5" (or three single lines) following the (CONTINUED) or the end of a scene.
Total page length is a maximum of 60 lines, including page number and CONTINUEDs (but not including the 3 line margins at the top and bottom of the page).
Paper size is 8.5" wide by 11" long.
(you need to work on your scene heading and follow the rules of screenwriting in your next writing)
Watchdog1324 here with an anti-green room review!
Although it was strange at the end to see that Nick got beat up by her father, I'd like to know THEIR conversation and see why he ended up getting beat up XD
First off this is a great dialogue.
Very natural, I could totally see two people ACTUALLY having this conversation.
Your stage directions make perfect sense, yet still would allow actors to customize the role a little bit.
Scene 1 was a great intro to this selection, warming the audience up to Nick and Maddison. I bet that most of the readers will be excited by the end to see what happens when they talk to her father.
Scene 2 was a little sadder than the first or third, just because they were both discouraged at the end. But YEA DETERMINATION! It was awesome they pushed through her father's verbal lashing and decided to push harder.
Scene three was the next logical step I think
I totally expected her father to... well, actually I didn't think about it but NOT beat him up.
Overall, it seemed like small segments that were meant to be inserted into a larger play. Which, I would most definitely go see if it was ever created!
Great job, and keep up the good work!
This was...cute. It's execution was cute, the fact that there were only two characters was cute, the premise is generally cute, so I can't say that I have any objective problems with this. Subjective? Certainly, but that's mostly because I'm a cold-hearted bastard who isn't satisfied with just cute. I want characters, personality, confict, suspense, and in some cases cuteness. Which this is sort of lacking, but I think that was the point. This isn't anything hardcore serious--this was a cute love story that might come off as boring, but inevitably does what it set out to do, which is be cute.
Okay, now enough with cuteness. Onto the review.
My main concern was in the story, because hey, I write stories so it makes sense that I review them too. And in this story, I found that Nick and Madisons' characters are a little bit flimsy. Let's consider the fact that it was Nick's idea for them to get together, and Madison sort of just followed his needs in the beginning. Cut to the next scene after he gets beat up by her dad, and he's having second thoughts but she's even more excited. That's a wonderful example of character development, sure, but I think it would be worth a little more explanation--we can deduce that Nick might be having second thoughts because her dad hates him, but why is Madison still going on with this? Is it because she likes rebelling? In that case, why wasn't she aboard with the idea from the very beginning? She could've had a change of heart, but again, I think you might need to make it a little bit clearer so that people understand.
One of the things that I really, genuinely admired about this work is the focus on having only two characters. This is coming from a person who isn't well versed in scripts, but I think that it's a very clever thing to avoid involving the parents as main characters, keeping the story on the conflicts of two characters. However, as I said, this would be much more effective if the two characters were more interesting. Frankly, for a good execution they seemed a little empty and without any notable traits other than Good Christian Girl and Guy Next Door. There's a notable article on here about rounded characters, so this might be helpful for you:
Writing Rounded Characters
But anyway, this was cute and notable. Overall I think you've done what you set out to do, but you could definitely go above and beyond.
Signing out,
--EM.