Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
I call, and guess who answers?
Nobody.
Not a single soul.
.
The pain is too great.
.
But the choice is mine, right?
To make that cut.
Or not.
.
The choice is mine.
To take that drink.
Or not.
.
The choice is mine.
To take that pill.
Or not.
.
The choice is mine.
To die.
Or not.
.
I cannot possibly speak.
Visions of you haunt my mind.
Visions of what you did.
Your evil clouds cognition.
Unspeakable.
.
I cannot possibly eat.
Hunger suppressed by your inhumanity.
Fought off by the monstrosity.
Your evil fills my stomach.
Unthinkable.
.
I cannot possibly love.
Emotion warded off by pain.
Feeling obstructed by hate.
Your evil occupies my emotions.
Irrevocable.
.
I call, and guess who answers?
Hope.
And it's a damn good thing
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
I really liled this poem a lot. Its really true and gives you facts of life as they are. You have a few rhyming words and it really adds a lot to the poem.I love the part where you have written things like- But the choice is mine, right?
To make that cut.
Or not.
.
The choice is mine.
To take that drink.
Or not.
.
The choice is mine.
To take that pill.
Or not.
.
The choice is mine.
To die.
Or not.
I like this line a lot because no matter what happens we will always have a choice and can change are life in one single choice.
My most favourite lines are these- I call, and guess who answers?
Hope.
And it's a damn good thing
Thase 3 line are so very true because in even the worse cases there will always be hope.and it is of course a good thing.
In all i really liked this poem.good job.I hope to see more of your work in the future.
Thank you so much! This is a new area for me since I typically write about more upbeat things, and I'm glad to see that most people are responding to it well.
Thank you!
Okay, here we go!
. Having the poem be sort of slow paced and a little bit tranquil and then suddenly having the narrator say that makes it leave a bigger impact and end the poem with a BANG!
To begin with I liked the overall way you emphasized this topic. It made it feel more real than just explaining a situation. You added feeling and depth to the words you put into it and it makes it feel more professional.
Secondly, I thought the way how you placed a common word (or a synonym of that word) into every stanza. It made the stanzas sort of come back to the previous one. It also keeps the reader's thoughts on one thing as they read. In other words it keeps the reader focused.
As for the stanzas that ended with "or not" was a very well writen part. It interpreted the way the human mind thinks very well. How people's thoughts keep contradicting and rethinking a situation.
As for the ending I think (and this is kind of weird) having the cuss word wedged in there was a wise choice
Overall very good job and keep up the good work
I can't thank you enough for that!
Poetry is my passion and to know that I'm not doing too bad at it makes me smile.
Thank you!
Jack here for a review!
I love this poem, I really see no fault in it, except maybe that you could have split it up instead of having one big stanza, and make it like maybe three or two stanza's, I suppose that would have made it easier to read.
I love how after each time you say he could do this or this, and then you say or not, it really but a good idea on what you are talking about, and I really like it. I think you could have added a bit more in the middle, talking about why no one answered the call, would have made the poem that much better.
So anyway I really liked this poem, and I cant wait to read more of your writing in time. Thankyou for sharing this with me, it was a good read. Its a thumbs up from me. And remember no matter what circumstance always keep writing!
Have a great day!!
jack
I do have it split up actually Jack and there is more, but I couldn't really figure out this editor. Let me see if I can put it in here. :
I call, and guess who answers?
Nobody.
Not a single soul.
The pain is too great.
But the choice is mine
To make that cut
Or not.
The choice is mine
To take that drink
Or not.
The choice is mine
To digest that pill
Or not.
The choice is mine
To die
Or not.
I cannot possibly speak.
Visions of you haunt my mind.
Visions of what you did.
Your evil clouds cognition.
Unspeakable.
I cannot possibly eat.
Hunger suppressed by your inhumanity.
Fought off by the monstrosity.
Your evil fills my stomach.
Unthinkable.
I cannot possibly love.
Emotion warded off by pain.
Feeling obstructed by hate.
Your evil occupies my emotions.
Unimaginable.
Yeah that happens, if you try butting a . between every space, go edit your work and do that.
Do me a favor and look at it now? Hopefully fixed formatting errors and added last stanza addresses phone problem.
Yeah it worked