I often mumble to myself -
Incoherent utterings based on a life of
Solitude and an unhindered perspective on
The darker things that this earth has to offer us as a whole.
A collective people:
A joint in the structure of this bitter universe,
We sway with each fluttering breeze,
And so we are unsteady in our beliefs,
And thus, in our differences and similarities.
You, however, are a rod of iron.
You’re an Eiffel Tower in my midnight world.
You light up the perimeters of my mind.
You shoot upwards, far above the ignorant and absurd.
You consume everything around you -
You consume me.
It is a wonder that you could ever love me at all;
That an unmoving nature such as yours could
Mould itself to my needs.
Everything about you is anchored,
Chiseled in stone and stable,
And this is an anomaly to my abstract character.
You have taken every billow of my emotion,
Every harsh word and auspicious dream,
Every silent sob, saturated with chagrin,
Marked by a life led to hell and back -
You take it all in stride.
You are an equalizer,
A sweet taste of reason,
An answer to an uttered prayer.
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140,101 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
This is really, really, good. I love the third stanza, it's definitely my favorite. This definitely deserves a feature.
Hello mollycarraway,
This might just be me but wouldn't the word person be more appropriate in this context rather than person? It is just a thought that crossed my mind as I continued reading. Again though it might and probably is just me. I still suggest reading through again and if you feel appropriate then perhaps change it. Forgive me if I am wrong though, I most likely misinterpreted it.First of all congratulations on getting featured, this is a really nice poem and you definitely deserved it. I truly enjoyed reading it and I loved the deep language. The emotion in it was great and often poems lack emotion but this one didn't which is probably why I liked it so much! I can't pinpoint what it was that made it so amazing because it is more of a deeper feature which I can't quite label. I have a some tips for you though, please don't take offense to any of my suggestions I actually liked this poem a lot.
First of all in the third stanza I think you overused the word 'you' at the start of each line. At first it was okay but after a while it just got tiresome and repetitive and far to predictable. I think it would be a wise idea to try and come up with alternative ways to start some of your sentences in the third stanza and it just isn't good to repeat that over and over again it just bores people.
My favorite lines in this poem would have to be: and
Overall you have a nice poem here. I enjoyed reading his thoroughly and I can't help myself but read it over and over again. Keep up the awesome work and if you have any questions or would like another review then please PM me and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Hopefully the review wasn't to harsh, that certainly wasn't my intention.
From DreamingForever
Hey:)
I liked this. I like your use of language - it is heavy, but filled with emotions, I don't see that around a lot.
No grammar mistakes I could notice...
Agreeing with the previous comment, I loved the last part of the poem.
I also have suggestions for a title:
1. The Darker Things
2. Uttered Prayer
3. Darker Heart (or Darker Love)
But, you know, maybe a title will come by itself sometime, I have that often.
Anyway, a poem doesn't need a title to be awesome, right?
Overall, I loved the poem, I have no grammar criticism,
There is no rhyming, but I liked that too, because rhyme would make it lose its darkness and it's story-like feel to it.
Keep writing!
polly xx
Liked! I know whom you are talking about (I suppose). I tells me someone I knew too. The last part was the one I like the most. It ended beautifully. I suggest this title by the way: Equalizer.
Keep writing friend!