The crashing wave of blood is my yield, that is all I have
It drowns the crops of my psyche’s field, that is all I have
Sorrow has formed a rank along my bloody threshold
Each tear is a trooper of sword and shield, that is all I have
If sorrow attacks, it shall chase me to the wine-merchant
We shall resist, me and the cup I wield, that is all I have
To die far from Love and its evil, that is all I want
The hope that her memory is sealed, that is all I have
I see her in the moon and sun, in night and day
The lie that the wound has healed, that is all I have
Her warm memory is my solacer in sleepless nights
Till my true tormentor is revealed, that is all I have
So alone in love, last night, in a dream, Love told me:
“In front of me many others are kneeled, that is all I have”
Be there many lovers in this world, I am their best
Their most depressed, least concealed, that is all I have
Hide me, God, from the swallowing flames of Love
I write this verse, if I am burnt and peeled, that is all I have
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142,081 Literary Works • 676,569 Reviews
hello miladjan
my name's yuuki, and i am going to review this work now
so my first impressions are that i really like the use of figurative language and imagery.
i really like this line for some reason. it really almost brutally conveys a feeling of unending sorrow and grief, the troopers being a metaphor for the only protection against the brutal planet.
to be completely honest here, i would quote the entire thing and talk about how much i love it, but that kind of defeats the purpose of a review.
anyway, overall i loved this, i think it was really immersive and amazing to read. i don't have any critiques for you at the moment, all i can say is keep up the amazing work.
~yuuki
ពីចុងប៊ិករបស់ខ្ញុំ -
hey! Juke here … to review a beautifully done (and underrated) piece! i have absolutely nothing to say except that this is a raw, bloody, well-crafted poem. the lyrics flow seamlessly and the repetition is just- *mwua*, chef’s kiss! the meaning isn’t confirmed but I’m gonna go ahead and infer that the narrator looks on love with mournful distaste, because it has wounded him/her in more ways than one.
this line resonates deeply and is one of the first that really caught my eye when i began this review. “Till my true tormentor is revealed” … i think we know (again, i have to infer) that the tormentor here is, in truth, Love with a capital L. making Love a sort of ghostly presence yet also somewhat using it as an element that tortures the narrator is very poetic; just something i noticed.
most of the time when people say that love is intoxicating they mean it to be a good thing, not a bad one. to me i see Love as the ‘wine-merchant’ in this verse - since love can be intoxicating and sweet as wine. but another thing i liked was how you reaffirmed the narrator’s ’mournful distaste’ for Love by having him ‘wield’ an empty cup, indicating he will not be taken in by it (i.e., Love) again.
forgive me for the reiteration, but this is beautifully-done! never stop writing.
រក្សាទឹកខ្មៅឱ្យនៅថ្មីជានិច្ច !
thank you !
I've never seen an English ghazal/shayari before!
I love this one, dude. It's amazing. Virtually no notes, aside from the fact that I think it'll be EVEN better in Urdu or Hindi.
10/10!
EDIT: this was supposed to be a review but I literally don't have anything to say aside from the fact that this is great lol!
thanks ! i only read persian poetry so it’s hard for me to write anything else 😅