Hi, I wrote this poem in the summer, and I’m trying to figure out if it’s stupid or not, because the topic is kind of weird. My college’s poetry club has open mic nights every month, and I’d eventually like to read a poem there. I thought this one might be an okay candidate for that.
Adjacent to the modest park in Harvard square,
a mailbox declares in neat capital letters,
silver, against government issued navy blue,
that it wants to die.
If I were rooted in place,
forced to brave the summer's heat,
only to have my services compared
to slimy, unremarkable animals
I might want to die as well.
I’d be the harbinger of taxes,
the deliverer of clothing catalogs
that your mother forgot to unsubscribe from.
I remember when the post office
stopped Sunday deliveries.
Maybe the mailbox sees its death
always turning the corner
or hiding behind a nearby tree.
I hope that the mailbox remembers the letters
signed ‘Love’ and sealed with spit,
that are tucked into shoeboxes,
and read again when it rains.
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Interesting topic choice! It made me think about something that would have never occurred to me. I love new ideas like this. Who would have thought about writing about a lonely mailbox feeling useless. Love it. Not sure it it will strike a cord in a live poetry reading. I feel as though this requires a second to ponder. Great job!
I love the descriptive nature of your work. I think I need to have a tutorial with you, on how to write such a good descriptive piece cuz i'm terrible when it comes to descriptive writing. I am not a professional writer, but i think your work could be better.
Thanks for your input! I appreciate it.
I do like the poem, but I think it could be better. I love the descriptions in the first lines of where it is. I would say I get what your trying do by making the mailbox unused and wanting to die because it doesn't get to do or see anything cause its rooted in the ground and thats great it's really unique that you thought to use a mailbox in this case. I think that it does kind of make since but on the other hand I can't feel too strongly or get the symbolism highly with a mailbox I think another object might work better for what your trying to do here maybe even like a tree. But the ending is very cute and all. The rythm does kind of stop as it gets to the end so that could be fixed too. Thankyou for writing and I hope to review more from you soon:).(Ohhh and if you did decide to do a tree you could end it with like I hope that the tree remembers the hearts, that on summer day's were carved into it's bark.
I will keep what you said in mind! The thing about the heart is very cute.
Aw omg this is so cuttttteee wow
i love the descriptive language esp. when describing the mailbox, and the way the different types of mail are presented. The end is super heart-warming as well, I loooove it. The only thing i would want to critique is the beginning; did someone paint something on the box to say it wants to die? And is the narrator the mailbox, or a person who sees the mailbox and understands it wants to die? Just, some clarification on those points i think would strengthen ur piece. Also, if u were looking for something to add, maybe talk about the people who put things in the mailbox, like the mailman, of course, or the neighbor's kid who's dropping off a thank you note, or a secret message to his pal, orr someone sending a Christmas card. Idk, just a thought.
Also just an fyi, this is all a suggestion, u don't have to change anything, it's already a beautiful piece
Aw omg this is so cuttttteee wow
i love the descriptive language esp. when describing the mailbox, and the way the different types of mail are presented. The end is super heart-warming as well, I loooove it. The only thing i would want to critique is the beginning; did someone paint something on the box to say it wants to die? And is the narrator the mailbox, or a person who sees the mailbox and understands it wants to die? Just, some clarification on those points i think would strengthen ur piece. Also, if u were looking for something to add, maybe talk about the people who put things in the mailbox, like the mailman, of course, or the neighbor's kid who's dropping off a thank you note, or a secret message to his pal, orr someone sending a Christmas card. Idk, just a thought.
Also just an fyi, this is all a suggestion, u don't have to change anything, it's already a beautiful piece
Thank you! I will definitely keep the thing about the different types of people in mind.
Hello, fellow writer! This poem is super interesting! Your idea is genius, and I love the way it's dark and yet not dark, if you know what I mean. It has an element of poetic melancholy, but it really turns out not to be a super sad poem. The ending leaves a note of sweetness to the bitter overall thought.
Other than perhaps the ending, my favorite part is definitely this:
"only to have my services compared
to slimy, unremarkable animals
I might want to die as well"
Very cool!! It's a little bit funny, again adding a lightness to an otherwise morose piece.
Your personification of the mailbox is creative. It is also unique how you view the mailbox on the same emotional level as yourself.
Overall, this poem is well-written, and I really like it. Great job!
Thank you! I appreciate your input.
This poem was brilliant! How did you come up with such a fun, unique plot? It was amazing,, and I hope you know that. The way you put so much detail into this piece, it's incredible! Every line sounded great, except the last one "and read again when it rains". That last line just sounded awkward to me, compared to the other lines. Maybe change it a bit. Otherwise, your spelling, punctuation, and grammar was all wonderful. Keep on writing and Merry (early) Christmas!!
Thanks you! Merry early Christmas to you too!