Mirrors

by megan17

Mirrors can't lie.

They can't put up a mask to die sadness,

They can't put on a smile to fake happiness,

They can't make rude comments to distract from their own insecurities,

Mirrors can't lie.

They can't give us false judgement,

They can't give us funny looks as we walk through the door,

They can't give us the luxury of being talked about behind our backs,

Mirrors can't lie.

They can't sweet talk us,

They can't use us,

They can't forget about us,

Mirrors can't lie.

They can't beg for us to be good,

They can't tell us it was what we were meant to do,

They can't be disappointed in our mistakes,

Mirrors can't lie.

Mirrors show us who we are.

We are strong.

We are unique.

We are beautiful.

Mirrors don't lie.

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Sun Jan 28, 2018 2:20 pm

Mathy wrote a review...

Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.

This poem expresses a very powerful message and delivers it quite efficiently by using the image of a mirror to express how others can put you down all they want, but mirrors will never tell you that you are worthless or that you can't do anything, because they show you what is there only. Mirrors will never show you anything about yourself that is not there. Mirrors will never refrain from showing you something about yourself that is there. People lie and get angry all the time because they want you to act a certain way (especially parents, grandparents, etc.) but mirrors accept you for who you are. This message is truly a powerful one that inspires me to write more about who I am as opposed to who people think I am.

That's all for today. Keep writing amazing literature that inspires me to read and review them, and have a great Review Day! Let's beat the Blues once and for all!

~ZeldaIsShiek

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Sun Jan 28, 2018 12:18 am

LakeOfCancer wrote a review...

I like this, you provided great detail in such short sentences how mirrors supposedly can't lie. I also like how you said "They can't give us false judgement, They can't give us funny looks as we walk through the door, They can't give us the luxury of being talked about behind our backs, Mirrors can't lie." Very well done. You say this line as if this is a person who does these things to you, just like they do to the rest of us! And I can relate to that!

I especially liked this line: "They can't beg for us to be good, They can't tell us it was what we were meant to do, They can't be disappointed in our mistakes, Mirrors can't lie."

I think that this spoke truth in a way. Every reason why mirrors can't lie is what a parent or a friend or even a relative would do or say. I should know!XD

But anyways, I really liked this poem and I look forward to reading more from you soon! Keep up the fantastical work friend!

~ Lake

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Sun Jan 28, 2018 12:00 am

alliyah wrote a review...

Hey megan! Welcome to the site, great to see you're already posting poetry.
Well let's get to the review!

Wording
I have a few comments on some wording thins I saw in the poem. Some of these aren't necessarily grammar issues, but were places where either the content didn't make sense or the flow was a bit stilted.

In the second line

They can't put up a mask to die sadness,

I think you meant "hide" rather than "die" - easy typo. "die" doesn't quite make sense to me in this context.

Most of the poem was just brimming with emotion of anger and reflection towards the people who are unlike the mirror the narrator describes. A few words cut the emotion a bit though, and didn't seem to fit the tone of the rest of the piece - those were "rude" (doesn't seem harsh enough) and "funny" (seems a bit too light).

Another line that was a bit odd in the flow was this one "They can't beg for us to be good," -- maybe it's the use of "for us" rather than just "beg us", it seemed a bit wordy.

Consistency and Flow
One of the main areas that I thought could use a bit of work in this poem was the flow. The poem flowed fairly well in some chunks, and then felt a bit stilted in other chunks. For me, I think the un-evenness was mostly due to the inconsistency in the length of the lines. Some were very short (three syllables) and some were quite long (16 syllables). While not every line needs to be the exact same length if it's free-verse, keeping it in the general ball-park or at least being consistent as to where you have long lines (like Long, Long, Short, Long, Long, Short, etc) then the poem looks neater and feels more planned. Don't be afraid to chop thoughts or sentences into two lines, as long as there aren't punctuation marks or capital letters stopping the reader, it might actually make the whole poem flow a bit more easily.

Theme and Premise
Now where I think you very much excelled in this poem, was in the theme department. And this is no small feature of a poem, because you can throw in all the poetic elements you want and all the technique, but if there is not a comprehensible theme, it will not stay with readers. Your poem had all the aspects of theme and narrative that I generally look for (a clear narrator with character, conflict, conflict development, and resolution).

You also took a somewhat unique approach - I've read a few other poems about mirrors, but most of them take a negative approach, so this showed a new and different understanding of the mirror. The mirror seemed to function as a symbol for the narrator's real self or true self while the world could only seem to see their false self and hurled insults and expectations that weren't consistent with reality. There were a lot of interesting turns in the poem and I think you expressed a lot of emotion through the piece as well.

One thing I was missing with this unique perspective, is in a mirror poem I would expect a bit more imagery! Since mirrors are so much about the visual. I'm not sure if this was intentional or not to leave out imagery from the piece, but it might be a good area to take a second look if you're looking for areas to add to the piece.

Overall
Overall I enjoyed reading this poem and look forward to reading more of your pieces in the future!

Best,

alliyah

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megan17 says...

Thank you for the advice! I did mean hide, definitely not die, whoops... I see your point with the change in emotion throughout the poem, I will look into better ways to phrase that. And I too was a bit worried about the one line you commented on, I wasn't sure if I was being overly critical or not. As for the flow, I tried to separate it into five different stanzas, but it ended up like this when I submitted. Do you know anyway I might be able to fix that? Thank very much, your help is greatly appreciated

alliyah says...

Ah makes sense! And I was wondering about the stanzas thing. Here's the basic article to how to format on YWS How to Format Poetry You basically have to manually type in the line breaks. If that article doesn't make sense there are two links to other ones at the bottom of it.

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Sat Jan 27, 2018 11:53 pm

Radrook says...

We once bought a mirror that seemed to have come from hell.
blog/Radrook/the_mirror_b-64581.html

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Sat Jan 27, 2018 10:34 pm

kiwi63 says...

I really like how you used many things that happen to people, and put them into this poem. It shows that a mirror, in some ways, is your most trustworthy friend. Just like you said in the poem, mirrors don't lie.

Radrook says...

Really? That's not the experience I had with mirrors.
blog/Radrook/the_mirror_b-64581.html

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