CHANGE
There are many changes in life,
That we have to face.
At the moment, we might not like the change,
But we never know if it will benefit us!
These changes are sometimes for better,
Or for worse.
Even when it looks bad,
We have to look on the bright side.
And sometimes we need to go with the flow.
***************
THE WORLD
Yes,the world might seem big.
And we might seem to be a speck.
But everyone is a someone
On this big planet Earth.
No one is a nobody,
Because a nobody(which doesn't exist),
Is a somebody.
And, as for the Earth,
It isn't that big!
For it is a speck in this whole universe.
The universe goes on.
It doesn't have a beginning
And doesn't have an end.
Either way,all of us are so important.
Each one of us is a puzzle piece,
Part of a bigger picture.
We may not see that picture
At that moment of change.
We don't see how or why we are important to it.
We,as I said,are a puzzle piece.
When a puzzle piece is lost,
What good is the puzzle itself?
How can we get it finished?
Every piece is important to the picture,
And all of us are the important pieces.
For there is a part for each one of us,
A Path,
And we must follow it.
To know where to go,
How to follow that way,
Is to go through Him.
*************
Thanks again for reading!
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey there! I will start by saying that I really like the messages of both poems. Both topics are close to my own heart, and I understand where you're coming from. I would suggest keeping the font color a bit darker, though. It is a bit annoying and makes the poem hard to read.
Poem 1 - Change:
I liked that this poem was short. It got right to the point and didn't use a lot of description. It did, however, have some problems with flow. For example:
The punctuation in this is the biggest problem. It breaks this up a bit too much, making it seem awkward. I would suggest playing around with the punctuation and wording of this poem to make it more readable.
Poem 2 - The World:
I love that you have described people as being pieces of a puzzle. The idea that every person is important is very clear throughout this - well done.
As it goes on, this does start to ramble. The poem has the potential to be very powerful, but some of this is lost in the repetitive lines.
I found most of this to be quite unnecessary - It is saying the same thing several times. The last three lines could probably be eliminated altogether. It would make this part much clearer.
I would go through the entire poem and make sure that each statement is included, but doesn't repeat itself needlessly. Also, watch your punctuation in this poem as well; you have several commas that aren't necessary.
I completely understand what you are trying to do with these poems, but they could be improved with some work. Spend some time going through them and trying different things. It is amazing what a bit of editing can do.
I hope this has been helpful for you. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!
Alz
I really liked the poem. I thought it was deep and philosophical. I like how the poems flow together. However, I think that you could improve on the first poem's flow a little bit, and there are missing spaces. I like the poem a lot, though.
This was nice. I think I preferred the first poem to the second one. About looking on the bright side. It's nice and positive. I don't really have anything to say about it beyond the fact that I like it and that I think you should change the color of the font. It was kinda difficult to read.
7/10
The second one was good as well. I had one major problem with it. I felt like it started to drag on. It felt like you were going in circles between
"We,as I said,are a puzzle piece." (incidentally I also despise this stanza, felt unnecessary)
and
"And all of us are the important pieces."
I think you could have done away with those stanzas and it'd be shorter and still convey the same general message. Lastly, there was another stanza I don't feel was necessary.
"Oh for miles,miles long!"
I just dislike it.
7/10
IN CONCLUSION
They were both good, but I preferred the first. They both had two major flaws. You didn't insert spaces after your commas, and I kinda was irked by the one line stanzas. They were still good though, don't get me wrong.
7/10